Dear Men

How do you know if you're addicted to porn?Instead of addiction language, some mental health specialists use the term Problematic Porn Use to discuss this. The heart of it is the same, however: How do I stop watching porn? (and why is it so freakin' hard to stop using porn??)Here we delve into the topic, but not from a shame-based point of view. Instead we look at the underlying needs that are met by porn use -- and how to move beyond it.The truth is that this is a complex and intricate subject. It's not as simple or easy as "just stop" -- and whether it's an outside force or your own inner critic saying this, it's simply not helpful (and often damaging).As with many things in life, the truth is, as Jason puts it: “You CAN do this. You just can’t do it alone.”---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of P

ATTRIBUTION NOTE: This is NOT an original episode. This is a complete episode of The Ezra Klein Show that I'm posting here, with a note from me at the beginning.Original episode can be found here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-relationships-would-you-want-if-you-believed-they/id1548604447?i=1000644331040What follows is my own reasons for posting this:---We are at a crossroads in our cultures and societies worldwide.In many places, social networks are in tatters. Mental health is abysmal in spots without tight-knit communities -- which, let's face it, is a growing number of places. The nuclear family paradigm has dominated over the past 50-75 years, but does it work?Evidence suggests otherwise.Single adults living alone are so lonely they often experience significant anxiety & depression. Parents are stressed and overwhelmed, with children taking up so much energy and attention that it's hard to connect as a couple (including sex! and other kinds of intimacy). And older adults are

Why do you need to know about this?---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“It’s a journey of healing; it’s a journey of growth; it’s a journey of restoration.”“Everyone ends up better … in so many different ways.”“Life truly is better with a foreskin!”“It’s a wonderful sense of wellbeing.”“The glans is an internal organ — it’s not designed to be exposed to nature, and when it is exposed 24/7, it has to protect itself.”“Some people report having whole-body orgasms!”“Once you have the foreskin, during intercourse that foreskin goes back and forth across the head of the penis and it makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. There’s no more working so hard to get to orgasm.”“It turns intercourse into beauty.”“There are no surgical options

Have you ever felt stuck in a love relationship that wasn't working? Maybe you were straining and striving to make it work. Maybe you felt like it was all on your shoulders -- all your responsibility to "fix" it. Or maybe you were afraid of what would happen if it went away. Would she make it? Would you?There are concrete reasons why it's hard for men in particular to let go of romantic relationships (whether marriages or other long-term committed relationships) that are no longer fulfilling.Here we delve into 8 specific reasons why it's hard for men to answer questions like:"Why do I feel so stuck in my marriage?""How do I fix my marriage?""What do I do if I'm unhappy but feel obligated to stay?""What can I do to make my marriage better?""How do I get my wife to want me again?"---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if

How many hundreds of miles would you travel for great sex?Some of the hottest sexual experiences are some of the least-expected. Sometimes that has to do with location, and sometimes it has to do with ropes and corsets. Often it involves anticipation, and it's frequently NOT about what you think (i.e. perfect "performance").Here, four of us women friends bring you behind the curtain when it comes to the best sex we've ever had. Some of what we say may surprise you! And some may be things you've always wondered about. Included topics: going down on her, blow jobs for him, domination play, and jumping off (this is not what you think but definitely worth hearing about!).When it comes to dating and relationships, stand-out sex is a big part of it -- but what that looks like is sometimes unanticipated.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our

Most men we work with long to be trusted. They yearn to satisfy their partners on every level: physically, emotionally, and sexually. Above all, they want their woman partners to feel safe with them.The fact is, those two things are inextricably linked: If you want a woman to feel safe with you, she needs to trust you. Yet we still live in a world where a lot of women feel unsafe with a lot of men.So what does it take to be deeply trustable? Here, we each reveal what it takes for a man to be trusted by us on a personal level. We share intimate stories of times we interacted with an un-trustable man (and what made him un-trustable), as well as the times we felt deep trust, safety, and connection.Want a woman to fully surrender to you? Listen on -- whether you're newly dating, long-married, or in any other kind of love relationship, you're sure to get something out of this vulnerable, raw discussion of love, safety, trust, intimacy, and sexuality.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and ta

When you've got kids with someone, you need to be able to cooperate. But what do you do if your ex is emotionally unstable/volatile, physically or emotionally abusive, or otherwise difficult?Most partners don't start out that way, of course. As one man put it, it felt more like "the ground could be kind of unstable" in the relationship. Another said, "I was hyper-aware of her emotions all the time, and trying to minimize her upheaval."Maybe the two of you have even tried seeing a couple's counselor. But it didn't work -- or in some cases, even seemed to make things worse. Says one man, "Even in therapy, a lot of it was, ‘You’re the cause of this.’"Here, three men share their personal experiences of co-parenting with challenging partners -- women who often have traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).They go into what it was like being in the relationship, the progression from being a childless couple to having children

Some experts estimate that ~15% of marriages are sexless, while others put the number as high as 33% ("sexless relationship" defined as a couple having sex 10 times a year or fewer).That's a lot of people.Now let's talk about the stakes:Does a sexless marriage generally mean a less fulfilling one? In a word, yes. According to researcher and associate professor Denis Donnelly in the New York Times, "Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being." Plus, her research showed that folks in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active ones.So what do you do if you're in this position? How do you handle being in a sexless relationship or sexless marriage? Can you bring the sex back in -- repolarize the relationship? Here, we work on answering questions like: "How do I bring up sex with my wife?" -- in Jason's words, “A lot of guys don’t know where to start because they don’t know where i

In North America, we tend to think of circumcision as "normal" and "widespread." But did you know that circumcision as a practice only became widespread in the US in the mid 1900s?So what's the deal? Why did it originate as a practice and why has it persisted? And perhaps most importantly, what is the impact on a man -- both physiologically as well as psychologically?The answers may surprise you -- I know they did me. I was unaware, for example, of the extent to which intact foreskin helps a man with sexual pleasure. I also didn't realize that foreskin restoration is a thing -- that if you've been circumcised, there's actually a way to re-grow foreskin.There's a lot of intensity and sensitivity around this subject, and for good reason: It matters deeply. If you yourself are circumcised, you have loved ones who are, and especially if you're a parent-to-be, please listen. It's important.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I ca

Overcoming erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and other forms of sexual dysfunction in men is complex.This is part II of a two-part series.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“It was an energy of oppression in my body.”“Like many things in this field, men tend to not come forward around it."“I developed a fear of having sex.”“I had seen naturopaths, Western doctors, supplements, etc. and nothing helped.”“The core of its energy is that it has no heart for me.”“‘Be a good boy; we have to take care of mom.’”“I would have paid $100,000 for that result.”“It was a miracle in a lot of ways.”“My tissues could finally receive the medicine.”---Mentioned on this episode:Luke Adler: https://lukeadlerhealing

Did you know that premature ejaculation is the most common form of sexual dysfunction on the planet? In a similar vein, experts estimate that erectile dysfunction impacts a staggering 30-50 million men in the U.S. alone. And some studies suggest that 1 in 10 men experiences delayed ejaculation.The truth is, sexual dysfunction affects millions and millions of men, but the experience is often one of being alone. Helpless. Feeling stuck or out of control. Common thoughts:"Why can't I get hard when I want the sex? I feel like my body's betraying me.""I'm so frustrated about cumming so fast -- I want sex to last.""What's the point of even going on a date if I know it's eventually gonna end up in the bedroom?""I'm terrified that I won't satisfy her sexually, and then she'll either humiliate me, leave me, or both.""What's wrong with me?"---Here, Luke reveals the one primary and often overlooked yet vitally important commonality that exists b

Welcome to Cocktober! We're spending this whole month on a plethora of penis things.As a sex researcher, I can tell you that when it comes to men's top sex problems, a common and unrelenting theme is around erections: getting them, keeping them, and being able to savor or "complete" them. This past spring and summer I interviewed ten men about their experiences with erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (PE), and delayed ejaculation (DE). Some men had just one thing going on; some had a combination of these things.This episode is a distillation of the top five things I learned in doing those interviews. There were some unexpected themes, and some you might expect.If you've ever contended with this topic, I suspect you'll resonate with some of the stories and patterns enumerated here. And get ready for more c*ck content. This whole month is dedicated to the sacred member.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old pat

"Polarity" is a term we throw around a lot on this podcast, and a concept that has gained popularity in discussions on masculinity, femininity, sacred sexuality, and conscious relationship over the last few decades.Here we delve into what it actually means ... and how it connect to hot sexy sex. ;)Seriously, though, polarity is a big part of how to generate attraction regardless of what type of body you're in, and it also relates to how to generate safety within relationship.If you want to be magnetic to your current or future partner(s); if you're interested in keeping sexy time passionate over time within a committed relationship, if you like the idea of knowing how to effortlessly encourage a partner to soften and relax into their body -- or step up and step into their power; or you want to know how to make a new dating relationship extra rich and deep, you'll get a lot out of this one.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old

According to Gallup News, nearly 48 million people in the US alone struggle with depression, which is a staggering ~18% of the population. In fact, depression is the leading cause of disability in the country.And the US isn't the only place affected -- rates of depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and more are rising globally, especially post-pandemic.We need new, innovative, and effective ways of meeting this challenge, which impacts not only adults but teenagers and even children. And as you can imagine, depression in one parent or family members impacts the whole family, including intimate partners.Here are a few questions of the many questions I pose to Sam Mandel, CEO and co-founder of Ketamine Clinics Los Angeles:What exactly is ketamine, and how is it used to treat depression, ADHD, OCD, etc.?Is ketamine safe? What are the risks? How long does it take to see results? What are the statistics on how well it works?How much ketamine do you need to get results? How is it dosed?Can ketamine be used to t

When things are bad, are you good at asking for support?More than once, we've had clients disappear for a bit, and upon reappearing say things like, "Sorry, I just had one of the worst weeks of my life last week."And we wonder: Why, during some of your darker times, are you not reaching out for love?Here we break down the reasons why this pattern exists. Why is it so hard for men in particular to ask for help? What helps shift a man from this kind of pattern into a healthier one of interdependence?And how does all of this show up in a marriage, love relationship, or even in dating? Because make no mistake -- it does.If you want to be successful with women, be the best husband you can be, or just feel more settled, grounded, and confident when it comes to dating or relating, check this out.Support the podcast and join The Heart of Shadow at melaniecurtin.com/heartofshadowWork with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your s

---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I was terrified of being alone, and hated it.”“They have the awareness, they just don’t know what the f*** to do about it.”“The default for many men is talking about pussy, sports, or engines.”“I’m in some kind of pain and I don’t know where it’s coming from and I don’t know what to do about it.”“This guy has so much on his back, his insides are collapsing… and he has no one to talk about it.”“We keep doing the addiction because there’s so much fear of touching what’s underneath it.”“Goddamn I was lonely.”“I can’t leave this partner because I’d be alone (and they’d be alone).”“The work doesn’t occur unless you do it.”“It does take a kind of tribal experience to heal.”“A part

Worldwide, 150 million women get urinary tract infections (UTIs) yearly, and 30-44% of them get recurrent UTIs (defined as 2+ infections in 6 months, or 3+ in a year.)I was one of those women.UTIs are so prevalent that they are the second-most common reason for antibiotic prescriptions on the planet. And in case you've never had one, rest assured that UTIs are painful, disruptive, and deeply anxiety-producing.They are also, 90% of the time, contracted due to sexual intercourse.UTIs are a sex problem, which often also makes them a relationship problem. If you, as a man, has had a woman partner who was stressed about having sex out of fear of getting a UTI; a friend with serious health issues due to her gut biome being decimated by antibiotics; or a sex partner who was in tears, in despair at getting yet another one, you're far from alone.Fortunately, you be a hero to all the women in your lives by spreading the word about a solution:Good Kitty has an extremely effective prevention method. Their doctor-

“I knew it was something I wanted to be in because I thought it’d get me chicks.”So begins Jason in describing his journey around learning to be "in his masculine" and "in his feminine." These are terms related to polarity that get thrown around a lot, and we wanted to break down what we're referring to in more depth.What does it mean to be dominating versus assertive? Is it ever helpful to be passive? How does healthy polarity impact a marriage -- and especially one's sex life? Can you re-polarize a love relationship that feels "off" or isn't working in some way (sexually or otherwise)? Where does being in the masculine intersect with trust?Listen to find out.Come to the Retreat!Want to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. As of this episode dropping, we've got 3 slots left. We'll be in NorCal this Labor Day weekend, Aug 28th - Sept 1st, 2025. To sign up or learn more, go here. www.evolutionary.men/retreat---Work with usReady

How connected do you feel to your heart? How about to your cock?One of the advantages we have as coaches for men is that we seen the patterns that frequently show up for different men. We've noted three specific archetypes in our work and here, we go over them. (If you've ever heard me reference the heart/cock matrix, that's part of this episode.)Why does this matter? In large part because most women I know who are attracted to men (myself included) have a deep yearning to relate romantically with men who embody one specific archetype that we discuss here. We cover all three types of men, their differences, their paths, and the one that a lot of women crave from the depths of their being.(And while the themes in this episode are framed in a heterosexual/straight dating and relationship context, I believe there's a universal human longing involved here.)Come to the Retreat!Want to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. As of this episode dropping, we've

A whole bunch of our clients have related with either parents or partners with BPD (or BPD traits). Here we go into even more depth around the origins of BPD, and what you can do as a partner if this is something you're contending with. We answer questions like:When you “cross” someone with BPD, they often want to punish you / make you suffer. Why?Why are folks with BPD traits so sensitive to rejection?Does BPD show up differently in women vs. men? We often hear about BPD women — why is that? What do you do if you've noticed that your partner has BPD traits?How do you know when it's time to leave the relationship vs. stay and work on it?---Come to the retreat!It's August 8th - September 1st in Northern California (about 2 hours north of San Francisco). We work hard to keep it financially accessible, and payment plans are available.As one man put it in this episode, “If you’re thinking about going, you’re already there.”https://evolutionary.men/retreat/---Work with usWant to go deeper than the