Dear Men

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something “wrong,” and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you’ll likely resonate with this episode.If you’re someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you’ve ended up with.In our work with men we’ve often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around … and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.Fortunately, we’ve also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we

Do you ever find yourself minimizing your own needs, and/or feeling responsible for others' emotions?Do you tend to stay quiet to keep the peace, or freeze during conflict?Have you ever struggled with boundaries or wondered why standing up for yourself feels so hard?Here we explore a family dynamic that can be just as damaging for what doesn’t happen as for what does. If there was a volatile parent in your house and a more passive one (or if that's the dynamic you're in as a parent right now, with your own children), you'll want to hear this.This conversation goes beyond obvious abuse and into the invisible wounds: the confusion of not knowing who will protect you, the way your body learns to brace, appease, or disappear, and how those early patterns quietly follow you into adult relationships.We also explore what healing can look like — not through blame, but through awareness. How do you grieve the protection you didn’t receive? What does it take to stop replaying the bully–bystander dynamic

“This is not something I ever thought I would do.”So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay.“As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship.His is a unique perspective because he never thought he'd end up not only living in community, but dating while recently moving in, and having to answer questions to his new love partner about his motivations.Now his wife is more than just on board -- she's in partnership with him around collaborating with others to create another cohousing community.So what's it like dating in community, getting married in community, and then having a baby? Listen for all that and more!---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for

“The gym can be a very scary place.”Ever been intimidated by the idea of working out -- and in particular, lifting weights? Then you're in very good company. Fortunately, as fitness expert Mike Bledsoe puts it, "95% of people in the gym are also insecure."Here we delve right into both the insecurity (and how to overcome it), as well as why Bledsoe, who has trained professional athletes, Navy SEALs, and other fitness experts, prefers to work with beginners.We talk about how to naturally boost your T levels (easier than you think!), the specific way our physical bodies store our "stuff" (and how to move it), and how to get started if you're not sure what to do first.We also touch on questions like:Is keto really worth it? (What should you actually pay attention to in nutrition trends?)How do you safely start lifting weights (without injuring yourself), especially if you're over 50?How do you best integrate from deep emotional release work (including psychedelics) in a physical way?Wh

Do any of these apply to you?:You used to have a good sex life with your partner, but now it has flatlinedYou're in a sexless marriage but at a loss with respect to how to even bring this up with your woman (or you've tried in the past and it went poorly)You fear never having passionate, connected sex again---These are all common patterns we see in our practice.Here we outline the 5 most common reasons we've seen for this pattern, and some stories of men who've done the work and now have vibrant, thriving sex lives. Passion is possible!---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:DM 222: Are you using your woman for sex?DM 217: When sex is about more than just the sexDM 358: Do you trust men?DM 103: Reverse polari

We've got close to 400 episodes, and with the new year, I felt inspired to categorize Dear Men in order to help you get the most out of it!I've broken it down into six buckets, then listed episodes in an order I believe would be supportive to listen to:1. Do you identify as a Nice Guy? If you already know about Nice Guy Syndrome (perhaps you've even read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover), you'll love these. If you've not yet heard about it but your spidey sense is going off, it's probably a good time to learn more:374: The 3 main archetypes of men. Which one are you? (ft. Jason Lange)239: Realized I’m a "Nice Guy." Now what do I do about it? (ft. Jason Lange)367: 'For some reason, I tend to attract "projects."' (ft. Jason Lange)289: Do Nice Guys tend to attract volatile women? (ft. Jason Lange)235: 'I see a beautiful woman and immediately get triggered. Why?' (ft. Jason Lange)340: Top 3 traits we've seen Nice Guys develop to get what they wa

Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like the spark had died? There's no chemistry but you're going through the motions, wishing there was more heat, more aliveness, more oomph.If so, you might have been bumping up against the principle of polarity.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:DM 380: What exactly IS polarity?DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a coupleDear Men 297: The problems with polarity---Memorable quotes:

“I become a bit of a depresso-goblin when I live alone.”So shares one of my housemates -- an eloquent interpretation, perhaps, of the loneliness episode we're living through, according to the US Surgeon General.We all know that loneliness sucks. Among other things, it elevates risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety (among other health concerns).So what do we do about it? According to the Pew Research Center, around 40% of adults are un-partnered, and a recent CNN article states that close to 30% of all US households are folks living on their own. Add to this the gig economy and an increased prevalence of workplaces that are entirely online, and you've got a major societal issue.Living in community is one way of coming together, having more fun, getting more practical support, and strengthening the overall social fabric of your life.Here, I get personal. I myself live in a coliving situation with six other friends. In this episode we delve into questions like:What was your lif

How do you know if you're addicted to porn?Instead of addiction language, some mental health specialists use the term Problematic Porn Use to discuss this. The heart of it is the same, however: How do I stop watching porn? (and why is it so freakin' hard to stop using porn??)Here we delve into the topic, but not from a shame-based point of view. Instead we look at the underlying needs that are met by porn use -- and how to move beyond it.The truth is that this is a complex and intricate subject. It's not as simple or easy as "just stop" -- and whether it's an outside force or your own inner critic saying this, it's simply not helpful (and often damaging).As with many things in life, the truth is, as Jason puts it: “You CAN do this. You just can’t do it alone.”---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of P

ATTRIBUTION NOTE: This is NOT an original episode. This is a complete episode of The Ezra Klein Show that I'm posting here, with a note from me at the beginning.Original episode can be found here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-relationships-would-you-want-if-you-believed-they/id1548604447?i=1000644331040What follows is my own reasons for posting this:---We are at a crossroads in our cultures and societies worldwide.In many places, social networks are in tatters. Mental health is abysmal in spots without tight-knit communities -- which, let's face it, is a growing number of places. The nuclear family paradigm has dominated over the past 50-75 years, but does it work?Evidence suggests otherwise.Single adults living alone are so lonely they often experience significant anxiety & depression. Parents are stressed and overwhelmed, with children taking up so much energy and attention that it's hard to connect as a couple (including sex! and other kinds of intimacy). And older adults are

Why do you need to know about this?---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“It’s a journey of healing; it’s a journey of growth; it’s a journey of restoration.”“Everyone ends up better … in so many different ways.”“Life truly is better with a foreskin!”“It’s a wonderful sense of wellbeing.”“The glans is an internal organ — it’s not designed to be exposed to nature, and when it is exposed 24/7, it has to protect itself.”“Some people report having whole-body orgasms!”“Once you have the foreskin, during intercourse that foreskin goes back and forth across the head of the penis and it makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. There’s no more working so hard to get to orgasm.”“It turns intercourse into beauty.”“There are no surgical options

Have you ever felt stuck in a love relationship that wasn't working? Maybe you were straining and striving to make it work. Maybe you felt like it was all on your shoulders -- all your responsibility to "fix" it. Or maybe you were afraid of what would happen if it went away. Would she make it? Would you?There are concrete reasons why it's hard for men in particular to let go of romantic relationships (whether marriages or other long-term committed relationships) that are no longer fulfilling.Here we delve into 8 specific reasons why it's hard for men to answer questions like:"Why do I feel so stuck in my marriage?""How do I fix my marriage?""What do I do if I'm unhappy but feel obligated to stay?""What can I do to make my marriage better?""How do I get my wife to want me again?"---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if

How many hundreds of miles would you travel for great sex?Some of the hottest sexual experiences are some of the least-expected. Sometimes that has to do with location, and sometimes it has to do with ropes and corsets. Often it involves anticipation, and it's frequently NOT about what you think (i.e. perfect "performance").Here, four of us women friends bring you behind the curtain when it comes to the best sex we've ever had. Some of what we say may surprise you! And some may be things you've always wondered about. Included topics: going down on her, blow jobs for him, domination play, and jumping off (this is not what you think but definitely worth hearing about!).When it comes to dating and relationships, stand-out sex is a big part of it -- but what that looks like is sometimes unanticipated.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our

Most men we work with long to be trusted. They yearn to satisfy their partners on every level: physically, emotionally, and sexually. Above all, they want their woman partners to feel safe with them.The fact is, those two things are inextricably linked: If you want a woman to feel safe with you, she needs to trust you. Yet we still live in a world where a lot of women feel unsafe with a lot of men.So what does it take to be deeply trustable? Here, we each reveal what it takes for a man to be trusted by us on a personal level. We share intimate stories of times we interacted with an un-trustable man (and what made him un-trustable), as well as the times we felt deep trust, safety, and connection.Want a woman to fully surrender to you? Listen on -- whether you're newly dating, long-married, or in any other kind of love relationship, you're sure to get something out of this vulnerable, raw discussion of love, safety, trust, intimacy, and sexuality.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and ta

When you've got kids with someone, you need to be able to cooperate. But what do you do if your ex is emotionally unstable/volatile, physically or emotionally abusive, or otherwise difficult?Most partners don't start out that way, of course. As one man put it, it felt more like "the ground could be kind of unstable" in the relationship. Another said, "I was hyper-aware of her emotions all the time, and trying to minimize her upheaval."Maybe the two of you have even tried seeing a couple's counselor. But it didn't work -- or in some cases, even seemed to make things worse. Says one man, "Even in therapy, a lot of it was, ‘You’re the cause of this.’"Here, three men share their personal experiences of co-parenting with challenging partners -- women who often have traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).They go into what it was like being in the relationship, the progression from being a childless couple to having children

Some experts estimate that ~15% of marriages are sexless, while others put the number as high as 33% ("sexless relationship" defined as a couple having sex 10 times a year or fewer).That's a lot of people.Now let's talk about the stakes:Does a sexless marriage generally mean a less fulfilling one? In a word, yes. According to researcher and associate professor Denis Donnelly in the New York Times, "Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being." Plus, her research showed that folks in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active ones.So what do you do if you're in this position? How do you handle being in a sexless relationship or sexless marriage? Can you bring the sex back in -- repolarize the relationship? Here, we work on answering questions like: "How do I bring up sex with my wife?" -- in Jason's words, “A lot of guys don’t know where to start because they don’t know where i

In North America, we tend to think of circumcision as "normal" and "widespread." But did you know that circumcision as a practice only became widespread in the US in the mid 1900s?So what's the deal? Why did it originate as a practice and why has it persisted? And perhaps most importantly, what is the impact on a man -- both physiologically as well as psychologically?The answers may surprise you -- I know they did me. I was unaware, for example, of the extent to which intact foreskin helps a man with sexual pleasure. I also didn't realize that foreskin restoration is a thing -- that if you've been circumcised, there's actually a way to re-grow foreskin.There's a lot of intensity and sensitivity around this subject, and for good reason: It matters deeply. If you yourself are circumcised, you have loved ones who are, and especially if you're a parent-to-be, please listen. It's important.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I ca

Overcoming erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and other forms of sexual dysfunction in men is complex.This is part II of a two-part series.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes:“It was an energy of oppression in my body.”“Like many things in this field, men tend to not come forward around it."“I developed a fear of having sex.”“I had seen naturopaths, Western doctors, supplements, etc. and nothing helped.”“The core of its energy is that it has no heart for me.”“‘Be a good boy; we have to take care of mom.’”“I would have paid $100,000 for that result.”“It was a miracle in a lot of ways.”“My tissues could finally receive the medicine.”---Mentioned on this episode:Luke Adler: https://lukeadlerhealing

Did you know that premature ejaculation is the most common form of sexual dysfunction on the planet? In a similar vein, experts estimate that erectile dysfunction impacts a staggering 30-50 million men in the U.S. alone. And some studies suggest that 1 in 10 men experiences delayed ejaculation.The truth is, sexual dysfunction affects millions and millions of men, but the experience is often one of being alone. Helpless. Feeling stuck or out of control. Common thoughts:"Why can't I get hard when I want the sex? I feel like my body's betraying me.""I'm so frustrated about cumming so fast -- I want sex to last.""What's the point of even going on a date if I know it's eventually gonna end up in the bedroom?""I'm terrified that I won't satisfy her sexually, and then she'll either humiliate me, leave me, or both.""What's wrong with me?"---Here, Luke reveals the one primary and often overlooked yet vitally important commonality that exists b

Welcome to Cocktober! We're spending this whole month on a plethora of penis things.As a sex researcher, I can tell you that when it comes to men's top sex problems, a common and unrelenting theme is around erections: getting them, keeping them, and being able to savor or "complete" them. This past spring and summer I interviewed ten men about their experiences with erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (PE), and delayed ejaculation (DE). Some men had just one thing going on; some had a combination of these things.This episode is a distillation of the top five things I learned in doing those interviews. There were some unexpected themes, and some you might expect.If you've ever contended with this topic, I suspect you'll resonate with some of the stories and patterns enumerated here. And get ready for more c*ck content. This whole month is dedicated to the sacred member.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old pat