On Boys Podcast

Talking with boys — especially tween & teenage boys — can be tricky.Shrugs, grunts, and silence often stand in the way of the conversations parents want to have. Add in timing issues, big emotions, and the pull of devices, and it’s easy to feel like communication is impossible.Photo by Kindel Media via PexelsBut it’s not. Boys want connection — even if they don’t show it. With the right approach, parents can create moments where boys are more likely to listen and share. Paying attention to timing (before bed may be better than after school), providing snacks, and watching for signs of openness can help you find the best opportunities.It also helps to balance the “transactional” talk — reminders about chores, schoolwork, or sports gear — with “relational” conversations that build trust. And when boys withdraw or respond with irritation, remember that there’s often sadness, worry, or shame behind the mask. Responding with patience, and repairing after conflict, models the lifelong communication skills our k

Is your son pulling away, shutting down, or showing little interest in school or chores?You’re not alone — and there is a way forward.In this third episode of our special 3-part ON BOYS series, we focus on how to foster intrinsic (inner) motivation in boys. Because yes, it’s in there — even when it feels completely buried.We’ll help you understand the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and why both matter. You’ll hear real-world examples from our own lives and families, plus honest talk about what doesn’t work. (Spoiler: there’s no magic phrase that makes a boy suddenly say, “Sure, I’d love to do my homework!”).Photo By: Kaboompics.com via PexelsTakeaways:Inner motivation is the key to lasting engagement.External rewards (ice cream, screen time, earrings!) can work in the short term — even for adults.Understanding your son’s developmental stage helps you support him more effectively.Motivation-building strategies will look different for each child — even within the same family.Parents can

You can’t effectively boost boys’ motivation until you address YOUR anxiety and fear. We know: You want your son to do his homework. To follow through on commitments. To care.So, when he shrugs, resists, or just doesn’t seem to try, your anxiety spikes — and before you even know what’s happening, you’re caught in a spiral of worry about his future.In this episode of ON BOYS, we talk about one of the most overlooked (but most powerful!) factors in boosting boys’ motivation: your mindset.This episode is the second in our special three-part series on Boys & Motivation. (Find part one here.) We’re diving into the pressure parents feel, the unspoken fear that drives us, and how those feelings affect the way we interact with our sons. Plus, we share why community is key and how coming together with other parents can help you show up more effectively for your boy.Photo by Kindel Media via PexelsTakeaways:Parents’ fear & anxiety can get in the way of helping boys develop motivationBoys change constantly — avo

It is possible to boost boys’ motivation.Doing so, though, starts with understanding why so boys are unmotivated. A big part of it is developmental: apathy and an “I don’t care/I don’t wanna” attitude commonly show up around puberty. As boy grow from boyhood to adulthood, they begin to question their priorities, interests, and goals. That’s a good thing! AND, it can be incredibly frustrating for parents and teachers who can’t see the behind-the-scenes work, who only see a once-motivated boy pulling back from previous interests and failing to to complete his homework or chores.Photo by Tima MiroshnichenkoTakeaways:Apparent lack of motivation is common during boys’ tween & teen yearsApproaching boys with understanding is a lot more effective than naggingParents and teachers can boost boys’ motivationREGISTER FOR THIS 3-SESSION SERIES (begins May 6th)CLICK HERE: Boost Boys Motivation: How to Ignite His Spark (Without Nagging or Yelling) iUse coupon code ONBOYS to save $50.https://boysalive.com/boostLinks we

The first episode of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018. Seven years ago!Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe: Maggie Dent, Michael Gurian, Amy Lang, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, Steve Biddulph, Richard V. Reeves, Ruth Whippman, and so, so many others.We’re talked about puberty, porn, school, ADHD, autism, entrepreneurism, motivation, sports, suicide, consent, respect, dating, and – again — so, so much more.Jen’s boys grew up in that time. Her youngest is now 19; her oldest, 27. Janet became an Oma (a grandma) — and is looking forward to welcoming two more grandchildren this year! Boys’ & men’s issues are now part of national and international conversations, and we hope those conversations fuel continued change. Boys need and deserve our love and support too.This will be the last Jen-and-Janet episode of ON BOYS podcast. We’ve loved sharing our lives & learning with you, and we thank you for trusting us with your questions and stories.Remember: We’ve got seven ye

Raising Awe-Seekers, the first parenting book by author Deborah Farmer Kris, outlines a transformative approach to parenting based on joy, wonder, and curiosity.  Science, Deb says, shown that awe isn’t just a feel-good experience—it also helps kids develop resilience, strengthen relationships, and manage stress. But in a world filled with distractions and negativity, how do we nurture awe in everyday life?Educator and author Deborah Farmer Kris joins Jen & Janet to discuss insights from her new book, Raising Awe-Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Helps Our Kids Thrive. She explains why awe is essential for children’s emotional well-being and how simple, daily moments—like watching a sunset, listening to music, or witnessing an act of kindness—can shape a child’s perspective and growth.“Awe helps kids zoom out,” Deborah says. “It reminds them they’re part of something bigger.” And here’s the best part: You don’t need to take your kid on an epic adventure to cultivate awe—you just need to pay attention.Tak

How do you respond to a 6-year-old boy who thinks he has to “play rough” to prove his masculinity?How can you make space a small boy’s emotions when you also have other kids to keep on track?And what do you do, exactly, when your formerly potty-trained son starts having accidents at school?These are some of the questions Jen & Janet tackle in this Listener Q & A.Takeaways:Boys often face developmental expectations that don’t align with their actual growth.Rough play can be a way for boys to express themselves, but it needs guidance.School stress and anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms Potty training regressions are common and should be approached with patience.Creative approaches can help redirect a child’s focus during emotional outbursts.Parents should not feel guilty about using screen time as a tool.Seeking support from parenting coaches can provide valuable insights.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) — ON BOYS episodeTeacher To

Do boys need a rescue plan?The available evidence says yes. Collectively, our boys are struggling academically, socially, emotionally, and economically. Their academic, educational, and workforce involvement has decreased. Their suicide rates have risen. Ignoring these issues isn’t in our best interest.Fortunately, more and more people are talking about the challenges facing boys & young men. But talking about boys’ challenges isn’t enough. We must act to improve outcomes.Author and counselor Michael Gurian has spent the past 40 years thinking, writing about, and advocating for boys (and girls.). His latest project — Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development, a book he co-authored with Sean Kullman — outlines a path forward.In this conversation, Michael, Janet, & Jen discuss their 7 point rescue plan:Raise Boys To Thrive in a Three Family SystemProvide Seven Nurturing Elements to Boys Who Are In TroubleTrain All Schools in Boy-Friendly PracticesComplete

How do we help boys along the path to manhood? That’s a question Paul Cumbo, a veteran educator, has been asking for a long time. It’s one he’s well-positioned to answer too, given that he’s spent the past few decades of his life teaching, educating, and coaching teenage boys and young men. His latest book, A Path to Manhood, offers encouragement and advice to young men.The available evidence suggests that our boys and young men need support and guidance. Too many have withdrawn from modern life, choosing to spend most of their time online. Too many feel unwanted, useless, and accused. Paul reminds boys and men that they matter. As he writes in the in the first chapter of his book, he doesn’t “buy the cultural narrative that men are simple.” He encourages young men to chart their own path through life, and shares how listeners can help boys on their journey.Takeaways:Each person’s path to manhood is unique and must be navigated individually.Paralysis by analysis is a common issue among today’s youth.Boys crav

What if supporting Black boys could transform education for all students?David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, believes it can—and research backs him up. In this episode, David challenges educators to put a deliberate focus on Black boys, not just to address persistent disparities in academic achievement and discipline, but because creating environments where Black boys thrive benefits every student.Photo by Borce Coded via Pexels“It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail Black males,” David says. To change outcomes, we need to shift the narrative—from blaming students to examining how systems and practices fall short.In this conversation, we explore:Why Black boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schoolsHow the education system contributes to disparities in achievement and disciplineThe power of reframing: shifting from “fixing students” to transforming systemsThe role of funding, culturally responsive education, and policy changes in driving real progressHow focusing o

Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy. “I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a recent essay. Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.” The other was “a middle-aged alcoholic…who regularly taught class drunk.” But both “really listened” to Greg, encouraged him, and were “genuinely proud” of his accomplishments. They connected with Great — and that, as they say, made all the difference.Make Room for Less-Than-Perfect MenLimiting boys’ contact with less-than-ideal role models might be harming our boys — and our men. In this conversation, Greg & Jen explore the surprising ways flawed, imperfect men can shape boys into compassionate, confident adults, as well as how we can encourage supportive connections between boys & men.Takeaways:Surrogate father figures can have a profound impact on young men’s lives.Red flags in behavior should be assessed w

Do you know what the parent amplification effect is? Do you know how to use it your (and your kids’!) benefit? “Because of children’s dependency on their parents, any parental remark – positive or negative – gets magnified in the child’s mind,” says Adam Galinsky, a social scientist, business school professor, dad of two boys, and author of Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself & Others. That’s the parent amplification effect.“An offhand compliment can inspire a lifelong passion, while a critical comment may lead a child to abandon an activity altogether,” Adam says. In this conversation, Adam, Jen, & Janet discuss how parents can use their words to positively impact their children.Takeaways:Our words have meaning, but we won’t always say the right thing.Offhand comments can have lasting effects on a child’s self-esteem.Parents are not perfect and will make mistakes.Children are always observing, even when we think they aren’t listening.Awareness of our impact as parents is crucial for effe

What happens when we prioritize independence over connection? According to Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills.Dr. Way has spent 40 years studying boys and uncovering the challenges they face as they navigate societal expectations of strength, autonomy, and self-reliance. Her research shows that these cultural messages undermine boys’ natural relational intelligence and hinder their ability to build and sustain deep friendships.In this episode, Dr. Way dives into the critical role of relationships in mental health and human flourishing—not just for boys, but for all of us. She explains how cultural norms, rather than biology, shape male behavior and outlines practical steps parents and educators can take to nurture boys’ emotional and relational capacities.Dr. Way also shares powerful insights from her research, including the wisdom of a

Play is a powerful tool for parenting & child development.Mr. Rogers once said “Play is serious learning” and “the work of childhood,” and we and our guest, Georgie Wisen-Vincent, couldn’t agree more.That’s not to say or imply that play is serious or work in the way that most of adults think of “serious” or “work.” Rather, it’s to underscore the fact that play — as fun as it can be! — is not a frivolity. It’s not trivial or unimportant at all. In fact, it’s absolutely vital for health human development.“Play is essential for long-term success,” Georgie says. Yet no one really teaches parents how to engage in & support their children’s play. In this episode, we share some fun, easy strategies you can use to play with your kids.Takeaways:Short moments of play can have significant developmental benefits.Involving children in household tasks can be a form of play.Play helps build emotional connections and communication skills.Using play can make daily routines more enjoyable for families.Children learn em

Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think. Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book, This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, the first sign of puberty often comes with a slamming door.Why Parents Miss the First SignsMany parents aren’t ready for male puberty. Early physical changes can be subtle, and they usually appear just as boys begin seeking more privacy. According to Vanessa, it’s entirely possible you won’t notice the initial stages of puberty until your son’s behavior shifts dramatically.When Your 10-Year-Old Acts More Like a TeenPuberty hormones—mainly testosterone—don’t just change bodies; they shape moods, too. Sudden spikes are associated with outbursts and that well-known “swing to silence” so many adolescent boys display. Pediatrician Cara Natterson explains these hormone surges can escalate and crash within ho

Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2024? Photo by ALINA MATVEYCHEVA via PexelsYour favorites include:5. Needed: Boy-Friendly SchoolsTyler, a 16-year-old Texas boy, started struggling in middle school. Recess was no more. Classes were 90 minutes long. So, “he found it really hard to sit still in class,” says Julie Jargon, the Wall Street Journal Family & Tech columnist who interviewed Tyler for her series on boys and education. Now a high school student, Tyler suggests that “instead of making guys change the way they behave, maybe schools should change the way they’re structured.”4. Middle School: Misunderstood or Magic?“This is a very pervasive story, that middle school is terrible. But it doesn’t have to be. We make it terrible by working directly against the developmental needs of middle schoolers and designing these buildings and classes in way that make their lives really hard,” says veteran educator Chris Balme, author of Finding the Magic in Middle School: Tapping into the Power and Potential o

Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today!So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024.Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you haven’t yet read his book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, we highly recommend it!Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, by Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K)www.healthygamer.gg — Dr. K’s websiteWhy are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episodeThe Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episodeVideo Game Addiction — ON BOYS episodeEmily Edlynn on a Healthier Approach to Tech — ON BOYS episodeThe Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys

How often do we really listen to boys & young men?Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately about boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing gender gap in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with Lance Walker, a 26 yr old man from Utah. Like so many males his age, Lance has learned that boys’ and men’s perspectives aren’t always welcome. As he says, “We are never given license to speak.”We encourage you to listen as he describes his experiences in school (including being started on ADHD medication in 3rd grade) and in the world.Takeaways:Boys’ perspectives on masculinity are often overlooked.There is a stigma associated with boys expressing their feelings.Open dialogue about gender dynamics is essential.Boys need to be included in conversations about their experiences.Understanding the role of community in boys’ development is important.Boys often feel shame in expressing their struggles.The future

We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health.If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the United States. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol.More than 39,000 boys and young men die of suicide in the United States each year. The male suicide rate is 4 times that of females’ – and that fact isn’t widely known. Although there’s been a lot of discussion of the youth mental health crisis and suicidal ideation in recent years, few people are talking about the fact that most of those who die of suicide are boys and young men.Anthony Tricarico  was one of them. He was a “beautiful shooting star,” a young entrepreneur who loved snowboarding and bought a Camaro at age 16. Anthony died by suicide earlier this year, at age 16 1/2. From the outside looking in, Anthony had it all: a loving family, lots of friends, great grades, talent, a

If you heard anything at all about the 2024 U.S. presidential election, you likely encountered the term "gender gap." More than half of female voters (53%) voted for Kamala Harris; more than half of male voters (also 55%) voted for Donald Trump. Among young voters, the gender gap was even more pronounced: 61% of women aged 18-29 voted for Harris, compared to 49% of males.Societal and political gender gaps are widening in other countries as well. Mark Sutton, director of The Boys Initiative & author of How Democrats Can Win Back Men, joins us to explore the factors underlying the gender gap and ways we can help boys and men thrive alongside girls and women.Takeaways:The gender gap in voting reflects deeper cultural divides.Men's issues are often overlooked in political discourse.Human well-being should be a shared goal across genders.Health disparities show men dying younger than women.Political parties need to address the needs of all voters.Support for women's health should not exclude me