Square Roots - The Classic Rpg Podcast

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 1: In 2030, Mickey Could Definitely Shoot You Square Roots - Episode 509 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:03:00 Quest Log: 0:23:15 Level Up: 2:06:45 Get ready to get back to pilgrim times in a Magical 1695! But! But! With ghosts! This week on Square Roots, we start Don'tnod's sleeper hit Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden, and get deep into this world of witchcraft, ghostery, and the split between the worlds of the living and the dead. Also: • Matt Says These People Are Disgusting • Vanessa Tries to Set Up Matthew With Thick Skin • PARRY THE PLATAPUS?! • And Featuring Jonathan Brandis as Link • Bowls of Delicious Frosting This Week: We reach the Hunter's Camp in Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Next Week: The End of the Swamp Witch Chapter (Go to the Harrows) Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roo

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 4 - Egg Square Roots - Episode 508 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:07:29 Quest Log: 0:34:00 Level Up: 2:02:00 Everyone prefers Luigi to Mario, right? We identify with the failure, being the lesser brother. Luigi's greatness is that he's relatable. Mario? Boring. But we're not talking about that Nintendo game, we're talking about Link's Awakening, and it's time to wake up! Dress up in your best Mr. B Natural gear, and get ready! Also: • Close Enough to Baby Bird Style • Hot Sandwich Corner • Does Lava Look Delicious? • Goombas Keep Falling On My Head • Whales Don't Have Wings This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We reach the Hunter's Camp in Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/grou

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 3 - Would Will Wright or Sid Meier Win In A Fight? Square Roots - Episode 507 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:07:29 Quest Log: 0:29:54 Level Up: 1:36:45 It turns out that we have the fanciest podcast host in all of podcastdom, as Jim eats his ring pops with a knife and fork. The rest of us, we drool over our fingers as we're supposed to. Also we play the penultimate chunker of Nintendo's Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening. Also: • Shillbilly Smellegy • The Best Kids Movies • DX Stands for Dicks • Frog Jump, Frog Tongue • Noods Aren't Pasta This Week: Complete the Face Shrine and Eagle's Tower! Next Week: We finish the game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmai

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 2 - Designated Spider Holes Square Roots - Episode 506 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:06:20 Quest Log: 0:34:20 Level Up: 1:56:50 No animal crackers in my soup, no lions and tigers loop-de-loop in this thorough anti Best of Shirley Temple episode of the Square Roots podcast. Things get aquatic as we play the Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening, and do both the Catfish Maw and Angler's Temple, as well as finding a home for a ghost and listening to Marin telling us about seagulls. Also: • 99 Zoblems • A Sex Dream Nightmare • That's the Ooze of Life, My Friends • Let's Call It a Fern • Les Ananas Ne Volent Pas This Week: We complete Catfish's Maw dungeon! Next Week: Complete the Face Shrine and Eagle's Tower! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook:

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 1 - PS3 Twink and PS3 Bear Square Roots - Episode 505 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:03:30 Quest Log: 0:39:00 Level Up: 2:17:15 Starting off our year of All Bangers No Wangers for real, we've got Link's Awakening! It's a vote winner, as chosen by our audience, and we're all getting into Nintendo's classic adventure. Just don't listen to certain hosts when they say the Gameboy is for babies. Also: • Worm him!  • Matt is obsessed with the colour dungeon  • A Bigger, Hotter Pig Man • Grandma Yahoo Is Down to Clown • Pot Mogged This Week: We complete the Key Cavern in The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening! (Your choice on version!) Next Week: We complete Catfish's Maw dungeon! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 8 - Scoopin' 'Em Up Like Caviar Square Roots - Episode 504 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:44 Quest Log: 0:26:22 Level Up: 1:55:10 You know, it's not usually Vanessa who says the drink-spitting-out most vile thing you've heard on the podcast, but sometimes it is, and treasure these moments. On this fertile episode of Square Roots Podcast we finish Mass Effect Andromeda, and encounter Vanessa's very favourite thing in video games: a hallway full of people telling you how great you are. Also: • You Can't Just Rush Into Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines 2 • Evil Vanessa Bones Two Space Sluts • His Cool Temu Star Lamp • Go Downtown and Eat It Like A Vulture This Week: We finish the game AND Liam's Special Quest! Again! LOAD YOUR SAVE AND PLAY IT AGAIN! Next Week: We complete the Key Cavern in The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening! (Your choice on version!) Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 7 - How to Pronounce Yggdrasil  Square Roots - Episode 503 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:55 Quest Log: 0:31:00 Level Up: 1:42:34 Who's to say whether or not trees can grow in space? Only Yggdrasil can. This time on Mass Effect: Andromeda, we have some exciting upside down space ship times! And we get face to face with the big baddie! It's all very dramatic. Also: • There are NO Proxy Honks in Hot Gaming Goose • Sabotage! • Sloppy Toppy • 3 Fiends at the SAME TIME • We All Hit Sweet Ramps This Week: The last planet, the archon's ship AND Liam's Special Quest! Next Week: We finish the game AND Liam's Special Quest! Again! LOAD YOUR SAVE AND PLAY IT AGAIN! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarer

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 6 - Phil Spencer got JobMogged by Asha Sharma Square Roots - Episode 502 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:03:20 Quest Log: 0:38:40 Level Up: 1:44:45 That's right, he should have been out there skillsmaxxing but that opportunity has been... yeeted? Look, I hate to say this, but I'm 46 and I don't know what any of this means. Johnny finally wraps up Evil Vanessa's story with Reyes, which doesn't quite end with the "consider this a breakup" moment he was hoping for in this chunker of Mass Effect: Andromeda.  Also: • All The Mortal Kombat Ice Skating News • Ladies Before Maybes • Brain Freezer Burn • Jorgul Strux • A Batman Coded Dangle This Week: Do all the things on Eladaan! Next Week: The last planet, the archon's ship  AND Liam's Special Quest! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @s

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 5 - No One Wants the Splatter-Waggies Square Roots - Episode 501 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:50 Quest Log: 0:38:40 Level Up: 2:03:55 Siri; is Reyes Elf Slut? This and so many more important facts about Mass Effect: Andromeda are revealed in this exciting installment of the Square Roots Podcast!  Also: • I've Seen What Makes You People Clap • A Genoshian Taskmaster Would Be Awesome (No Psychics Allowed) • It's a Fun Button  • Sarissa Explains It All • Lawn Mower Man Syndrome This Week: Wrap up Kedara and establish a colony! Next Week: Eledaan AND Liam's Special Quest! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

The Square Roots Podcast Episode 500 Bonanaza Square Roots - Episode 500 We break our usual format to celebrate 500 episodes! There's user questions, a game of MURRRRRDLE, Jim's Airing of Grievances, Metacritical Response, and introspective retrospection! This Week: Listen to our amazing Square Roots Podcast Episode 500! Next Week: Finish Kanara Port! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 4 - Space Docking Square Roots - Episode 499 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:35 Quest Log: 0:31:40 Level Up: 1:57:30 What if the whole of Mass Effect: Andromeda was about solving space crimes? Wouldn't that be cool? Let's pitch it right now: cozy mystery game, but it's about salarians and elcor and it's set on the Citadel. Also: • It's Okay To Be Wrong On Accident • What a Prank • Vanessa Doesn't Love True Crime • Milkin' Milken • The Definition of Ejaculate • Jim's Nip Slip • A No Strings Bang This Week: Do some loyalty and side quests! Next Week: Kedaara planet stuff! And maybe Eledaan or not guess we're doing sidequests?? Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) c

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 3 - The Princess Protocol Square Roots - Episode 498 Quest Log: 0:04:00 Level Up: 1:57:00 We finally lock onto our surefire hit Netflix romantic comedy, The Princess Protocol. It's got comedy! Dancing! Intrigue! Getting hit on the head by a coconut! Also we keep playing Mass Effect: Andromeda. Also: • The Present of Watching Me Hold This Snorlax • The Hot Hot Fishman • A Very Dusky Planet • Too Many Points! • It's My Vindication Song Now! This Week: Finish the Mission "Trail of Hope" Next Week: Do some loyalty and side quests! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 2 - Fable Three King Time Second Half Square Roots - Episode 497 Quest Log: 0:05:15 Level Up: 2:05:30 I keep hearing Vanessa say "cat" every time she says "Kett" in this action-packed, different timeline navigating BioWare adventure game, Mass Effect: Andromeda. Johnny loves the bouncy car. Jim disappears like a spooky ghost. Matt is bad at sudoku. Vanessa probably wants to marry the AI in her brain. Also: • Quit Putting Jared Leto in Movies * A Beanie and a Henley * Matt Establishes Masculinity Rules * Don't Ask About Matt's Poop-ons * You Can Blow Up A Library And I'd Know Who George Washington Is This Week: "Johnny, for notes say we'll play some of trail of hope, not all of it. I haven't pinpointed yet. But I there's a point when you can choose which planet to go to first, I went to Vold. So maybe we'll play Vold." Next Week: Finish the Mission "Trail of Hope" Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at:

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 1 - Michael Rappaport's Crap Report Square Roots - Episode 496 Quest Log: 0:37:03 Level Up: 1:44:10 We're playing Mass Effect: Andromeda by BioWare for this year's BioWarey! So let's meet new friends! Explore new planets! And avoid having to recognize any of the four endings of Mass Effect Three! Also: • We Discuss What Games Are BioWare Games For Five Minutes * Jim Banks Hates Chris Isaak * The Adventures of Young Sheev * You Likka The Bigga Breasts * Touch Dadddy's Special Rock * TOO FAT FOR SPACE This Week: Play Mass Effect: Andromeda until you head to the mysterious planet of Eos! Next Week: "Johnny, for notes say we'll play some of trail of hope, not all of it. I haven't pinpointed yet. But I there's a point when you can choose which planet to go to first, I went to Vold. So maybe we'll play Vold." Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and h

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 6 - Hot Goth Peach Square Roots - Episode 495 Quest Log: 0:40:45 Level Up: 1:44:10 Finally the game has someone for Matt, and it's Hot Goth Peach. She gets a real Legend makeover and turns all dark and pale and evil and even decapitates someone! This is a very weird Mario game.  Also: • Matt Raw Dogs New Shirts • Cyclops Earns Scott Points • The Digital One Has No Hole • Great Vanessa Representation • Partial Professor Betrayal This Week: Finish the game! Next Week: We're playing Mass Effect: Andromeda! Play until you establish the first outpost. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Season 77 Ep 6

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 5 - A Sticky, Yummy Accident Square Roots - Episode 494 Quest Log: 0:30:30 Level Up: 1:44:30 We solve some train mysteries and rewrite train histories on this exciting episode of Square Roots! Mario can get bad ended as a ghost, so this is a pretty great chunker just by default. If the moon is for boys, then why is Peach there? Also: * Jim Accidentally Posts Pornography * Vanessa Is Racist Against Goombas * What Makes You Think This Toad Is A Sex Worker? * Matt Has Been Attracted To A Lot Of Characters In This Game * Toilet Games This Week: Finish Chapter 6 and 7! Next Week: Finish the game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Season

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 4 - Boat/Unboat Square Roots - Episode 493 Quest Log: 0:30:22 Level Up: 1:29:20 The gang takes Mario a-treasure huntin' in this week's episode of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. We meet a new bomb friend, beat up a ghost skull, and get involved in more Plant People Crime Family Drama. We also meet Flavio, a rich character who has lived a whole life yet cannot achieve personhood due to the arbritrary constraints placed on him by Vanessa's narrow view of what a person should be. Also: Game awards chat and Street Fighter goss Flavio is not a person and doesn't deserve our respect Vanessa wants to see a big Peach Heavy Rain more like heavy number of showers Jim, Matt, and Vanessa listen to John get lost in his old man memories of an old Nintendo thing Matt blurs the lines between constructive and destructive criticism after he becomes the voice in all our heads Billy Ray hates Johnny Brandon This Week: Finish Chapter 5! Next Week: Finish Chapter 7! Our Patreon: htt

The Square Roots Game of the Year Extravaganza Square Roots - Episode 492 We ignore the idea that 2016 is ten years ago as we get to the end of 2025 and talk about the game of the year from the games we played for the podcast this year (from the main show) as well as our own 2025 game of the year choice! * Good Queen Vanessascles  * Huey Lewis and Other Hot Impressions and References * Hot Guests Like Miss Piggy, George Lucas, Florence and the Machine and MORE! * RACHEL SLURS IS NOT INVITED This Week: Listen to our amazing Game of the Year episode! Next Week: Finish Chapter 5 and all Rogueport Nonsense! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 3 - RAWK HAWK! Square Roots - Episode 491 Quest Log: 0:27:30 Level Up: 1:25:30 This week's episode of Square Roots is brought to you by The Glitz Pit, just off I-275 at Hillsborough Avenue. Bring your Switch, play some of Nintendo's beloved Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door along with Jim, Matthew, Vanessa and Johnny, and enjoy the jugs, mugs, suds and spuds as well as the best wings this side of Jacksonville! Don't worry if the glitter gets in your food, it's edible!  Also: * Rahul Kohli is Waiting in a Statue in the Desert  * I Just Learned About this Marky Plier * Vanessa is Granny Rags * Yangus is Not From Dragon Quest VII * Middle Aged Nebraskan Sorea * Hooktail's Fetish Stuff This Week: Finish Chapter 4! Next Week: Finish Chapter 5 and do the post chapter Rogueport nonsense! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://w

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 2 - Something For Everyone to Get Upset About  - Episode 490 This week we keep on keepin' on with Paper Mario. Did we finish Chapters 2 and 3 like we said we would? No. Will we do two chapters next ep? I don't have a lot of faith that we will, TBH, but we're gonna try.  Also: Madam Flurrie doesn't have nipples Matt to Johnny and Vanessa: UGH.   Punies commit genocide and more!  This Week: Finish Chapter 2! Next Week: Finish Chapters 3 and 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com