Free Legal Advice

We've done lots of episodes where, either directly or indirectly, we make fun of stupid corporate bullshit. Never before, however, have we focused on what is probably the worst thing that corporate bullshit creates: Stupid, insufferable names for things. Well, we're testing the limits of the word "insufferable" this week, because this episode is all about those kinds of names. Plug your ears if you know what's good for you.

I wanted to call this episode "Climbing the Mortal Kombat Ladder of Grandmas", but even I thought that was too obscure for an episode title. ME. The guy who brought you such episode titles as "It's All in the Hat", "There's No Saws Like Chainsaws", and "It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's The Prime Minister of Italy!" I have no idea what any of those episodes are about. But this was too much even for me, folks. Anyway, this episode is about home remedies.

Sure, titles are great. We all love titles, no one's arguing that point. But as wonderful as they obviously all are, I think it's pretty clear that subtitles are actually where it's at. Now, before you have me pulled apart by wild horses, let me explain myself. Titles give you the big picture, but SUBtitles cut right to the fucking bone. "The Fast and the Furious" lets you know about the speed and anger of the characters, yes, but if your brain and/or balls didn't light up when they saw the words "Tokyo Drift", then you need to go to one of those brain/ball doctors posthaste. Post. Haste.

It's time once again for the greatest FLAPers and aspiring FLAPees to gather at their yearly... gathering, The FLAPfest Tech and Burrito Summit. This isn't your father's convention, no sir. This convention, unlike all others, features INNOVATION. That's right, the business trump card itself. As long as we are innovating no one can touch us, which means they can't legally throw us out of this cemetery.

This week we explain Reddit. It mostly involves porn and scams. But, to be fair, that's pretty much the entire internet, anyway.

Most late night talk shows have a new episode every single day. We've gone in a different direction. But we've got a great show for you tonight, folks! That's all that really matters.

Little Captain Travis, I've got some advice for you: Inject it into your veins. Inject what, you ask? Anything. Literally, anything, no matter what. Even if you don't know the possible side-effects. Even if you DO know the possible side effects. Just do it, because there's at least a tiny chance that if you do, you'll get fucking jacked.

Today on the Free Legal Advice Podcast, we're taking a trip through the wonderful world of grammar! We'll be diagramming sentences, discussing proper usage, and taking a look at some HILARIOUS grammar fails! Actually, we'll be doing none of that. Instead, it's Drillbit Liberty IS: The Adjective Noun Verb-er! Only in theaters. And also this podcast feed.

It's summer time, and you know what that means: An examination of Summer Stuff from the FLAP Boys! Well, actually it's only ever meant that once, and it's right now. We did do an episode about summer during the winter once, but that, too, was a one-time occurrence. You can always count on the FLAP Boys to not be predictable.

Riding a bike is not impressive. Anyone can do it. Oh, but you rode it faster than anyone else? Who cares? Children ride bikes every single day and no one gives them awards, and most of them do it without blood doping. These Tour de France losers are a bunch of wimps, and they dedicated their entire lives to something dumb. Anyway, we spend the entire episode talking about that dumb thing this week.

IMPORTANT NOTE: We do make one prediction that seems a little, let's say, "out of sync" with the actual march of current events. This episode was recorded on July 20th, so something may have happened since then that might make something we mention sound weird. Anyway, we predict the shit out of things in this week's thrilling episode!

*movie trailer voiceover narration* In a noun, where men not only verb, they verb with adjective, nouns are un-verb-able. Only one noun can verb them back to their adjective noun, prepositional phrase. That noun IS: The Noun Verb-er. INTERJECTION! Only in theaters.

This week we examine the utility of all those old sayings that old people were always saying. They were always saying those sayings, but in this episode we're saying some new sayings, and we think people should start saying those sayings that we were saying, instead of the other sayings.

They can't all be winners, Little Captain Travis. At least, not with my level of talent. But either way, this week we break from our standard weekly offering of pointless silliness to deliver you nearly 40 minutes of even MORE pointless silliness. We've ratcheted up the pointlessness! If this isn't your cup of tea, though, never fear: Next week we'll be back to our usual level of pointless silliness.

Sometimes the episode titles write themselves, folks. In this episode, Matt will attempt to do for the Tour de France what I did for the Olympics. Which one of us did it better? Vote now! I don't have a link, or anything. Just go somewhere and vote on it somehow.

Through means which will be described herein, we have acquired the rights to several sizzling slabs of intellectual property. See just what we do with such slabs by listening to this 'sode! Is "'sode" a thing? Is that an acceptable abbreviation for "episode"? I feel like it shouldn't be.

We have successfully crammed the entirety of human history down into one single podcast episode. It wasn't that hard, actually. It turns out not much has really ever happened. However, should Matt do another one of these episodes, whatever we cover in that episode will be newly uncovered secrets of history. So (possibly) look forward to those secrets being uncovered at some point in the future!

We're coming up on a year's worth of episodes, if they came out daily, which they don't, so this sentence is completely pointless, actually. But regardless, after a year's worth of things, most organizations give out awards to themselves, so we figured now is as good of a time as any for us to follow suit. Welcome to the whatever-number-Cory-said-in-the-episode-th annual Flappy Awards!

Celebrities rise and fall, but sometimes they rise again. In this case, at least three of them do. Also in this case, there are some jokes sprinkled throughout that reference an episode that we had already recorded, but has not yet been released. I left them in as a fun treat for the loyal Hoggies out there, because they make no sense now, but will in the future.

We don't REALLY hate those pasty, island-dwelling imperialists over there in the United Kingdom. Well, maybe Ben does, but regardless, this week we're going to be paying homage to one of Britain's most famous* game shows, Dubitably or Indubitably. *nonexistent