Poorly Summarized

Brock Turner’s ribeye enthusiasm wanes, a bride prays for the plight of her bridesmaids, John Oliver forgives $15M in medical debt, and a robot sorts some stones.     SHOW NOTES Intro Boxer Crackas Follow-up Origins of ‘dork’ Trumped up On repressed white male workers On Pocahontas On hairspray On racists Poorly summarized news Brock Turner Stupid shit my friends post At our nephews [sic] wedding today Headline of the week John Oliver hosts largest one-time TV giveaway — by forgiving $15 million in medical debt Eye candy A kinetic artwork that sorts thousands of random river stones by age

Women shouldn’t always ‘lean in,’ a restless patriot distances himself from Obama’s Hiroshima ‘apology,’ a friendly gorilla is cruelly murdered by bloodthirsty zookeepers, the government thinks Frosted Flakes are healthier than avocados, and R. Crumb illustrates Genesis.     SPONSOR Pierre Henry Socks: Over-the-calf dress socks that will never let you down. Use code PS101 for 15% off. SHOW NOTES Intro Gayatri’s food porn Turmeric lattes Trumped up Trump on Curiel Trump on chauvinism  Trump on Romney’s immigration policy Trump on Puerto Rico Headline of the week Quartz: Harvard researchers have concluded that not all women should “lean in” for salary negotiations Stupid shit my friends post When Obama apologizes for Hiroshima… Poorly summarized news Harambe the Gorilla: Change.org petition Poorly summarized science FDA: Frosted Flakes healthier than an avocado Eye candy R. Crumb’s Genesis         &

Peter Thiel knows how to hold a grudge, Connie prefers English speakers, the internet wants to give Captain America a boyfriend, Sebastian accidentally becomes an artist, and Mike improves* his pronunciation.     *not really SHOW NOTES Follow-up Ben Patterson is a liar Trumped up Toronto’s Trump Tower on verge of bankruptcy Trump on Bernie  Trump on the environment Manafort on pandering Poorly summarized news Peter Thiel, Tech Billionaire, Reveals Secret War With Gawker An Open Letter to Peter Thiel Stupid shit my friends post Connie prefers English Know your meme #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend #GiveCaptainAmericaADogManBoyfriend Headline of the week Mashable: Someone put glasses on the floor of a museum and people thought it was art Eye candy Soviet brutalist architecture  

Adam bates Republican Scott Esk into torpedoing his own political career, Sunish sends in feedback, Koreans armpits are magical, a father vomits with his son, the alleged curvature of the world requires grid shifting, and the Philadelphia Police Department impersonates a Google Street View car.     SPONSOR Pierre Henry Socks SHOW NOTES Follow-up Words with offensive origins Weird pervert visits a women’s bathroom Weird pervert harasses a woman in basketball shorts Trumped up Trump is a bigot Trump for 16 years Trump kisses Temple Trump is not Hitler Poorly summarized science Koreans don’t need deoderant Stupid shit my friends post Turdmongrel in chief Deal-breaker Sympathetic vomiter Poorly summarized news Philly cops impersonate Google Street View Eye candy Grid shifting Special Guest: Adam Bates.

Indiana Governor Mike Pence wants to hear about your period, women in Japan get time off for menstrual leave, a bubble and Bosu balance trainer “prove” that the earth is flat, and John Oliver answers the question “is science bullshit?”     SPONSOR Various Breads and Butters podcast SHOW NOTES Intro Period for Pence Unwritable Rant podcast Trumped up Trump’s taxes Trump on taxing the wealthy Trump on white supremacist delegate Trump on fundraising Is this a thing? Menstrual leave Stupid shit my friends post Something crazy/amazing happened to Amy Denise (spoiler alert: it was crazy) Poorly summarized science John Oliver asks “Is science bullshit?” Effects of moderate alcohol consumption Poorly summarized news Facebook may be censoring conservatives Special Guest: Laura Shanley.

A culinary genius creates In-N-Out egg rolls, puppy feet smell like crackers, conservatives accidentally create a pro-universal healthcare meme, BYU scrutinizes rape victims, Mike’s missionary companion gets touchy-feely, and an Arizona teen faces charges for a revealing yearbook photo.     SPONSOR Election Cerealz: Beautifully crafted presidential candidate cereal boxes. SHOW NOTES Intro Becky’s blog Follow-up Satanists on Cruz Trumped up Trump on Elizabeth Warren Trump on debt Trump on Puerto Rico Trump on taco bowl Is this a thing? In-N-Out egg rolls KFC nail polish Chili Four Loko Stupid shit my friends post 2 years military service for all Pledge of allegiance Tropic thunder Poorly summarized news NYT: At Brigham Young, a cost in reporting rape Deal-breaker Football player’s yearbook picture prank  

Michael buys high and sells low, Boehner calls Cruz ‘Lucifer in the flesh,’ Black Trump drops the beat, real Christians don’t Yoga, a hungry man gets pizza delivered to a moving train, and being trans species is a thing.   SPONSOR Pierre Henry Socks: Superb combed cotton dress socks. Use offer code PS101 for 15% off your first order. SHOW NOTES Intro Nocturne capital The laws of wealth: psychology and the secret to investing success Everyone you love will die Trumped up Black Trump Trump would drop A-bomb like Truman Trump’s sticking with his feelings on immigration Manafort’s resume Poorly summarized news Boehner calls Cruz ‘Lucifer in the flesh’ Stupid shit my friends post Why Christians shouldn’t yoga Headline of the week Hungry man gets pizza delivered to a moving train, tweets how he did it Is this a thing? What it means to be trans species Eye candy Jason Chen’s photographic images that weave moments in time

The Cramer family fails at the beach, Justin nearly fails at college, San Francisco crusades against manspreaders, sex-detecting smart mattresses might be a thing, and an Edmonton military veteran annually fills out forms declaring his legs missing.   SHOW NOTES Trumped up Trump on 7-Eleven Trump on Facebook fame Where does Trump get those wonderful toys? Headline of the week Man takes sleeping pills, accidentally orders a yak online Stupid shit my friends post Vaccine stupidity Is this a thing? How San Francisco public transit is fighting back against manspreaders Deal-breaker Sex-detecting mattress Poorly summarized news Edmonton military veteran frustrated he has to annually fill out form to say his legs are still missing Eye candy Crystal houses

Microsoft exits the Hitler image recognition market, Burger King employees break all the store’s windows (again), more wet beavers are coming to California, Mike hates on selfie sticks, and Justin reveals his sociopathy.     SHOW NOTES Sponsor Pierre-Henry Socks: comfortable, high-performance designer socks.  Use offer code PS101 at checkout for 15% off your first purchase. Follow-up Montreal vs. New York bagels CaptionBot Trumped up Carson on Trump Is this a thing? Burger King employees were tricked into breaking all their store’s windows. Again. Stupid shit my friends post If I shoot a buck this deer season and I only have tags for a doe… Oh No Ross & Carrie on Scientology Headline of the week The plan to make California wet by spreading beavers up and down the state Deal-breaker Looks like a wrist watch, flies like a drone! Mount Rushmore Podcast on the worst kind of snobs Poorly summarized news Indiana state trooper is fired for proselytizing during tr

The Einstein Bagel is a lie, a mother falls in love with her biological son, illegal immigration is thoughtfully equated with grand theft auto, women keep the Governor of Indiana informed about their menses, and Mike steals a neighbor’s couch.     SHOW NOTES Intro 11 ways to make the workplace bathroom a happier place How the most successful people poop at work Follow-up Gentiles must cease their relentless cultural appropriation of bagels Trumped up ‘Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband’ Trump on pumping Trump on sexual assault in the military Trump on outer beauty Deal breaker Mother Kim West falls In love with biological son, plans marriage and babies Stupid shit my friends post Illegal immigration = grand theft auto Headline of the week Why women are calling Indiana’s governor to talk about their periods Eye candy Great Depression-era photographs     Special Guest: Lindsay Goldwert.

The Stanford Review satirizes college protestors, Trump’s campaign manager gets handsy with Michelle Fields, Ben Affleck is sad about his Batman film, Mike flakes a sociopath, and Microsoft accidentally creates a Hitler-loving sex robot.     SHOW NOTES Sponsor Share a Slice With Sean podcast Trumped up Trump on bruises Trump’s campaign manager’s lawyer bit a stripper Ann Coulter on gang rape Know your meme Sad Ben Affleck is sad about Batman vs. Superman’s sad review Ben Affleck has definitely written a script for a solo Batman movie Stupid shit my friends post If you think the minimum wage is too low… Headline of the week Microsoft deletes ‘teen girl’ AI after it became a Hitler-loving sex robot within 24 hours George Carlin on euphemisms Deal-breaker Late sleepers are tired of being discriminated against. And science has their back. Eye candy Zaha Hadid Special Guest: E. Nicholas Mariani.

Ted Cruz might have a thing for rodents, a woman stashes a deuce in her purse, an enraged veteran cuts down a flag, a man gets arrested for not returning a VHS rental, and Matt abandons a friend in need.     SHOW NOTES Trumped up Carson the Trump whisperer Cruz’s rodent fetish #WhiteGenocide for Trump Poll: Who wants to punch Trump? Headline of the week A brave woman hid a piece of poop in her purse when her date’s toilet wouldn’t flush Another funny thing Mike wants to spoil for you Stupid shit my friends post Veteran steals flag (does not fold it properly) Is this a thing? Meet the green lady Poorly summarized news Man arrested for not returning ‘Freddy Got Fingered’ VHS rental in 2002 Eye candy Sea organ Timber megaphones      

John starts a band with the Aldens, God gets vengeance for Cecil the lion, a Kellogg’s worker probably urinated in your breakfast, and Hulk Hogan becomes the world’s highest paid (inadvertent) porn star.   SHOW NOTES Intro Follow Faded Paper Figures Read The Buddha in the Machine Follow-up A Skeptical Take on Organic Farming Trumped Up Trump on Romney Trump on Trump Economist on Trump Don’t Start Believing Christian ‘Prophet’ Mauled by Lion Stupid Shit My Friends Post It’s Not About Color. It’s About the Law Headline of the Week Kellogg: Investigators Looking Into Video Of Factory Worker Urinating On Assembly Line Poorly Summarized News Hulk Hogan Wins Whopping $115 Million in Gawker Sex Tape Verdict Eye Candy The Tessellated and Elaborately Detailed Ceilings of Iranian Mosques     Special Guest: R. John Wiliams.

Ted Cruz is almost definitely not the Zodiac Killer, Whole Foods pre-peels oranges, WV lawmakers get sick after legalizing and drinking raw milk, and the gang contemplates the meaning of folded American flags.   Show notes Subscribe to Various Breads and Butters Follow-up Andrew Hamilton Trumped Up Vox: Trump Spent Election Night Pitching Trump Products That You Can’t Buy Anymore Know Your Meme Ted Cruz’s Secret Life as the Zodiac Killer Stupid Shit My Friends Post Flag Folding Is This A Thing? Whole Foods Pre-Peeled Oranges Headline of the Week WV Lawmakers Legalize Raw Milk, Drink Raw Milk, Get Mysterious Stomach Bug Poorly Summarized News Tammy Duckworth and Backers Denounce G.O.P. Tweet as Insensitive Eye Candy The World’s Weirdest Book     Special Guests: Benjamin R. Cohen and Simon Tonev.

Justin attempts a covert nose wipe, Kanye West pirates some software, Mike’s dad robs a bank, Chris Christie gets held hostage, and Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t own a gas-guzzling yacht (he just borrows it).     Show notes Hear more Kendall at thenarrators.org Follow-up Daily Kos: But Who Has to Carry the Feces? Foreign Policy: Who Does No. 2 Work For?! Trumped Up The Federalist: Take a Flamethrower to Trump ABC News: The History Behind the Donald Trump ‘Small Hands’ Insult CNN: Marco Rubio Mocks Donald Trump for ‘Wet’ Pants Inquisitr: Donald Trump Trashed on Twitter by ‘Modern Family’ Writer Danny Zuker Is This A Thing? This is Tomatan, and He Will Power You Through a Marathon—with Tomatoes Poorly Summarized News WSJ: Chris Christie Asserts He Was Not, in Fact, Being Held Hostage by Donald Trump Mashable: Whoops! Kanye Tweets Photo Showing Him Using Pirate Bay  Vox: Rich Climate Activist Leonardo DiCaprio Lives a Carbon-Intensive Lifestyl

John McAfee offers to trick a corpse into revealing a secret, Trump loves the poorly educated, China builds a ghost town, and Mike and Justin swap prank stories.     Show notes   Follow-up JOHN MCAFEE: I’ll decrypt the San Bernardino phone free of charge so Apple doesn’t need to place a back door on its product Sam Harris’s take on the Apple vs. FBI case Trumped Up Who Said It: Presidential Hopeful Donald Trump or ‘Idiocracy’ President Camacho? On Princess Diana Stupid Shit My Friends Post 35 Reasons to vote for Trump Is This a Thing? Thai princess gets $40,000 toilet built for her 3-day visit to Cambodia Eye Candy Surreal photos of China’s failed ‘city of the future’

Maria psychoanalyzes a pickpocket, Tim Cook gives the FBI the finger, Manny Pacquiao disparages homosexuals, Justin reveals his “super” powers, and Mike flubs the Pledge of Allegiance.   Follow-up “Oh, Reggie, fighting for your country…you’re such a pussy“ ACHOO syndrome: Why some people sneeze every time they see the sun Trumped Up On Apple On the Pope On Planned Parenthood On Rachel Maddow Trump threatens an independent run Poorly Summarized News Apple: a message to our customers Stupid Shit American Loons on “Dr.” Schulze Quackwatch on “Dr.” Schulze Is this a thing? Gay animal sex Nike cuts ties with boxer Manny Pacquiao Headline of the Week Fearing cannibalism, aquarium cancels octopus sex show on Valentine’s Day

Lindsay defends the integrity of the bagel, Mike extolls the virtues of vaping, Eli Manning suffers from RBF, Justin seeks clarity on sexist pejoratives, and Hillary Clinton gets aggressive with her fundraising emails.   Full show notes on our Facebook page. Special Guest: Lindsay Goldwert.

A pro-rape meet-up group retreats from female boxers, Justin’s voice tickles Brooke’s and Mike’s ASMR-positive skulls, Mike fawns over WWI submarines, and Uber gets a new logo. Inside a German U-boat (Image: Tyne & Wear Archives & Museums) Full show notes on our Facebook page.  

A cat gets trapped in a woman’s body, doctors test freeze-dried poop pills, Mariah Carey struggles to lift her arm, and Mike’s landlord tries to trick him into having sex.   Full show notes on our Facebook page.