Square Roots - The Classic Rpg Podcast

Enchanted Arms Part 7: The Kind of Walk You Play A Tuba For! Square Roots - Episode 472 Quest Log: 27:15 Level Up: 02:07:48 This is it: we're finished the game that almost broke the podcast! That's right, on this week's Enchanted Arms, we've put the series to bed! The FROM SOFTWARE classic JRPG elicited all sorts of reactions from the Square Roots crew. Also: * No, Stop! * Just A Bottle Of Brown Spit! * Punch A Newborn Baby! * You Need To Watch A Shonen Anime! This Week: Finish Enchanted Arms! Next Week: Return to Iris headquarters after the factory in Beyond Good & Evil! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Enchanted Arms Part 6: Dairy Queen is a Sore Subject  Square Roots - Episode 471 Quest Log: 32:20 Level Up: 01:48:40 Don't talk to Matt about Dairy Queen. Or Atsuma and his stupid arm. Heck, I don't think Matt is even enjoying The Mystery Man's hijinks at this point, almost at the end, of Enchanted Arms, the cult classic FROM SOFTWARE JRPG! Also: * The first podcast  * Everybody gets one pig  * Adult arcades  * Puzzy Corner  * The titular sleep * Equis Dickboy Charlie Merrily This Week: Defeat the Mystery Man in Graveholm Keep! Next Week: Finish Enchanted Arms! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Enchanted Arms Part 5: Gum Cutters Square Roots - Episode 470 Quest Log: 36:48 Level Up: 01:51:18 This week on Square roots, Matt really, really wants to get Johnny into the Ministry Duck, but it's just not happening. Meanwhile in FROM SOFTWARE's Enchanted Arms, we learn an important lesson about Miyazaki. Also we learn about Tokimune's sex golems, some motivation behind Oboro's actions, Sayaka's secret Dad, and so much more. Also: * You Gotta Hit That Word So Right * Jim Loves Sticking His Hand In Holes * A Cool Video For Straights * Is Hans Gruber Queer Coded? * MaTT * Those Ducks Are Catholic This Week: Defeat the Earth Devil Golem! Next Week: Defeat the Mystery Man in Sage's Tower! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Em

Enchanted Arms Part 4: Sweats, Dunce, Pomp and Lil Guy Square Roots - Episode 469 Quest Log: 33:48 Level Up: 01:57:00 We're back on our nonsense! And that nonsense is both the FROM SOFTWARE classic Enchanted Arms *and* the English 80s girl band quintet Toto Coelo. Did Yuki commit the Perfect Crime getting that flute back from the rich old talk show host? Is the secret motivation behind Oboro kidnapping all the women in Kyoto City because they eat cannibal? It's Spy Versus Spy when it turns out that Raigar is NOT a homosexual, and in fact a Powersled who is engaged to a Ninja on the other side of the last war. These are all Toto Coelo songs. Also: * Please Photoshop Matt's Head On Wolverine * Orgone Sex Energy Is Not Real * "That's getting somebody there." * Scrimpy Is A Powerful Metaphor * It's a Real Dora the Explorer * There Is No Court In Junk Town There Is Only Street Justice  This Week: Defeat Oboro for the first time!  Next Week: Defeat the Earth Devil Golem! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squareroots

2025 Most Anticipated Games! Square Roots - Episode 468 We're taking the week off, which somehow ended up with recording an hour and a half episode where we look through the upcoming games of 2025 and decide which we're into and which we're all like "no thanks, bro!" Some games that piqued our interest: * Middle Earth Trad-Wife Simulator * The Definitely Going To Release In October Vampire The Masquerade Bloodlines 2 * Husky Middle Aged Man Child Tries To Walk * Garfield Kart 2: All You Can Drift * Now You See Me Now You Don't Next Week: Defeat Oboro for the first time!  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Enchanted Arms Part 3: Cowboys & Plow Boys Square Roots - Episode 467 Quest Log: 33:01 Level Up: 02:01:47 She's from [STATE REDACTED]! And he's from Florida! And HE's from Vancouver! She drinks Chamblee! He drinks IPAs! And the other he drinks Diet Pepsis, and that's okay! Nerd girls & Gator Boys & Canadian Bears, some good ol' podcastairs! All three take the time to go through Enchanted Arms's stairs! Boy, they love a FROM SOFTWARE game! Yeah, we got different tastes, live in different states, but we ain't that different when it comes to classic turn based RPGs!  Also: * I'm Not Gonna Top On Top Of Any Table * He Hates A Prologue * Namcai Bando * The Summer Sickies * What About the Slut Tent * Ear Bangs * We Need Children To Be Sad And Bored This Week: Defeat the Emperor of Fire / Efreet in Enchanted Arms! Next Week: Defeat Oboro for the first time!  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/st

Enhanted Arms Part 2: The Guy Who Is Always Stuck At Just Friends Square Roots - Episode 466 Quest Log: 04:00 Level Up: 01:45:25 Welcome to London! Sure, it kind of looks like an old Tooter village, but it's actually one of the only cities on this big island we call earth! But we need to take the short walk back to Yokohama, which makes sense in this game. We're playing Enchanted Arms! By FROM SOFTWARE! Everyone loves FROM!  Also: * Totally A Steiner * She's Going to Join the Party, Matt * My Only Golem For Life * Moron Moron Moron Moron Moron Moron! * Arm Fall Off Kid * Lisa Rinna Hair * An Italian Seal! * Sephiroth Does Spend A Lot Of Time In A Library * Hit So Hard He Turned Straight This Week: Defeat Professor Kou in Enchanted Arms! Next Week: Defeat the Emperor of Fire / Efreet in Enchanted Arms! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/mor

Enhanted Arms Part 1: Bang-Maid Square Roots - Episode 464 Quest Log: 28:40 Level Up: 02:32:46 Dust off saxophone and charge up your magical arm, it's time for Enchanted Arms! Get it! Enchanted ARMS? Because his arm is enchanted! We discover all the little ways that Miyazaki put lil pieces of Dark and Demon's Souls into this FROM SOFTWARE turn-based JRPG!  Also: DL Free Workaholics Non-Joke Whiteboard Take The Night Off, Grandpa It Was An Act Of Generosity And Love I want to give him a little pizza golem kiss This Week: Wake Up in Prison in Enchanted Arms! Next Week: Defeat Professor Kou in Enchanted Arms! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grim Fandango Part 2: Johnny Troublehands Square Roots - Episode 464 Quest Log: 27:11 Level Up: 01:49:50 Who do you call when life gives you trouble? JOHNNY TROUBLEHANDS! And he's joined by Matthew Dangerfist! Jim Blazin! And Vanessa Deathteeth! And we finish the LucasArts adventure classic, Grim Fandango! Is Grim a sociopath? Is Glottis better off without him? Was Meche right in holding him at gun point? YES! Also: The Clicker Genre "And Yet I'm Not." Source: Vanessa A Towel Made of Fruit Roll-Up How To Knock Out A Skeleton This Is Nothing Like The Breakfast Club! Tofu Gwace! This Week: Finish Year III and Year IV in Grim Fandango! Next Week: Wake Up in Prison in Enchanted Arms! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: s

Grim Fandango Part 1: A Mnemonic Tube Square Roots - Episode 463 Quest Log: 29:00 Level Up: 02:05:00 Welcome to the BONE ZONE! This week on the Bone Zone we're checking out LucasArts's pinnacle of adventure gaming, Grim Fandango. In it you start as a reaper, which Matthew informs us is named Grim Fandango.  Join these Hep Cats as we get people murdered, trick penguins, and abuse the trust of your man-child elemental buddy. Also: A Little Tiny Computer! Nice Meche! Matt's Wild and Wacky Florida Tour! It Was Rutger Hauer! MANNY, YOU PROMISED! This Week: Finish Year I and Year II in Grim Fandango! Next Week: Finish Year III and Year IV in Grim Fandango! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (

Grandia II Part 6: The Birthplace of the Gods Was A Research Facility Square Roots - Episode 462 Quest Log: 28:40 Level Up: 01:48:15 GOTCHA! The Birthplace of the Gods was a research facility, which definitely means that Granas and Valmar were scientists who got turned into gods, and weren't aliens. With the Birthplace of the Gods being a research facility my logic is flawless and Matthew, who still needs to mail me ten dollars, is left speechless as we finish GameArts's classic JRPG! Also: We All Have An Oblivion We'd Rather Be Playing Chris Plante Sent To A Nice Click Farm Upstate A Lot Of Tiddy Talk It. Popped. Out. Tomax and Xamot Fan Fiction Vanessa's Private Network In The Krang Bin This Week: Finish Grandia II! Next Week: Finish Year I and Year II in Grim Fandango! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots

Grandia II Part 5: Mareg's Bara Tiddies! Square Roots - Episode 461 Level Up Starts at 01:53:00 Johnny gets to see Mareg's big manly chest in a pre-rendered cutscene, and he does NOT shut up about it throughout this episode. Sure, the Dreamcast game's pre-rendered cutscenes have the look of 1996's Tekken 2, and the scene is bizarrely animated, but Johnny hasn't been on a date in a while so give him a break. Oh yeah, this week in GameArts's Grandia II we also discover a sword that may have a second purpose! AND GO TO THE MOON! Also: Proud Boy King! Vanessa Will Never See That Ten Dollars! Elena Likes Drinking Juice And Singing Gospel Songs About Granas! The Squeak-baa Pasture Is Empty! Classic Disc Three Crazy! Uterus! OR Womb! Who knows! Matt's Manly Football Injury! This Week: Return to Cyrum! Next Week: Finish Grandia II! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://

Grandia II Part 4: Droppin' Hot Yomis Square Roots - Episode 460 Level Up Starts at 01:51:00 It's Straight Night this week on Square Roots! That's right, the gay is gone, so it's just Matthew, Jim, and Vanessa. Finally they can get to the straight truth: they love being in traffic. Also they played some more Grandia II, this time in a beefy chunker that takes them from a princely mystery to shrimp island and finally the protagonist Ryudo's home town!  Also: Matt Gets Weirdly Aggro About His Vote Weak Nuts Johnny, Vanessa's Little Helmet Hype Man Milennia is the Personification of Elena's Diabetes Vanessa's Vindication Song Returns This Week: Defeat the Horn of Valmar! Next Week: Return to Cyrum! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/48602289

Grandia II Part 3: Bursting Through the Doors of the St Heim Inn Square Roots - Episode 459 Level Up Starts at 02:08:00 This time on Square Roots Jim's off on an adventure, so it's just Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew trying to sort out what they got wrong about Switch II news this week. But things get weird in this chunk of Game Arts's Grandia II, where we put down a little girl who has been giving a magical third eye, meet a religious fundamentalist who Johnny suspects is gonna be a villain, and finally get to cuddle up to Young Pope Daddy Bear. Also: Jim loves to eat a raw chicken. A legally distinct cover of Madonna's "Sorry" Sondra & Lezzlie What if Daredevil Grow A Weird Little Eye The Lowest Bar to Clear Ryudo Finally Has a Good Take This Week: Play until we leave the St. Heim Papal State! Next Week: Defeat the Horn of Valmar! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social an

Grandia II Part 2: The Gen-X Cheech and Chong Square Roots - Episode 458 Level Up Starts at 01:55:00 Johnny asks a question that may make you spit out your drink, be warned. Do not drink any liquids while listening to this episode. But anyway! Grandia II! Game Arts's zany adventure gets into gear: you've got the evil brother, a dark secret buried under a town, and 1910s style racism! Plus we talk about the Switch 2 reveal for a long time. Also: Mouse Control Nintendo Spy Cam First Nintendo Game With Finger Stuff Go Back To Lollipop Lane! He's Ryude To People Visible Personality Line Would You Hug A Tween Like That? This Week: Defeat the evil tongue of Valmar boss! Next Week: Play until we leave the St. Heim Papal State Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.faceb

Grandia II Part 1: Max Load Square Roots - Episode 457 Level Up Starts at 01:58:30 Are you ready to dive back into the exciting world of Game Arts's Grandia on this exciting new chapter of Square Roots? We ask all the important questions, like what is a geohound? A guy looking for rocks? A risk breaker? A dog looking for rocks? We can't be sure, but we do know one thing: Ryudo is a big ol' asshole. Hopefully this is setting him up for a Zidane style JRPG character arc.  Also: A Little Baby Bird Sega CDX > Dishwasher Slide a Dollar Under Matt's Door Magic Comes From Eggs A Common Pope Name  This Week: Get to the city of Agear in Grandia II! Next Week: Defeat the evil tongue of Valmar boss! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 5: Stevie Knicks, You're Going To Jail Square Roots - Episode 456 Level Up Starts at 01:57:45 We speed towards the finale of Sonical Chronicles by BioWare, fast like a hedgehog through a loop-de-loop. Does Sonic nail the landing? Or is he all out of rings? Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew debate the pros and cons  and finally decide: are they Squarely Against or Roundly For this speedy rodent adventure? Also: I Can Be Any Kind of Hulk I Wanna Be, It's 2017 Not Agreeing Bad Boyness I'm D-d-d-danny They're All Children, Johnny Each Party Needs A Hedgehog This Week: Finish Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood! Next Week: Get to the city of Agear in Grandia II! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/4860228

Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 4: Bon Vi Von Square Roots - Episode 455 Level Up Starts at 01:38:00 Finally the whole squad is back for an episode where we are definitely very good at staying on topic as we get to the strange sci-fi worlds of Chapter 7 and 8 of Sonical Chronicles! There's rock men, goo men, and even robomen! But not Eggman, he stayed home. Also: An Exhaustive Explanation of Julius Pringles Hot Rahul Kohli News Vanessa's Tight Five on Hit Single Your Love Pan's Just For Women Michaelogical This Week: Finish Chapters 7 & 8! Next Week: Finish Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022

Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 3: The Return of Boys Night Square Roots - Episode 454 Level Up Starts  at 01:15:30 With Vanessa out at a show or something, it's another BOYS NIGHT! So gather round, crack open a beer, and name your favourite monster trucks with us as we play through two more chapters of Sonical Chronicles! There's meatbag hating robots! Annoying drones! Super cool ninja echidnas! Also: Never Forget What Sonic Did To Metropolis Zone The Grandia Problem Strikes Back Matthew Hates A Split Party Shedding Chao Eggs Very Silly Robots This Week: Finish Chapters 5 & 6! Next Week: Finish Chapters 7 & 8! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 2: A Chat About Eggs, Man Square Roots - Episode 453 Level Up Starts  at 01:39:00 Jim's out on a date, so we're gonna be a little insane on this episode Square Roots. Vanessa's on probation, Johnny's gone waffles crazy, and Matt does nothing but read books now. But we're playing what Vanessa calls a Gateway JRPG, Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood by BioWare. Vanessa is kind of Pokécurious, and the Chaos are somehow making it worse. And now we've got all sorts of new Sonic Friends to join our party, like Big, Knuckles, Cream and Bobby De Niro! Also: One Date Per Year With A Host Of Your Choice The Most Canadian Thing Johnny's Ever Said Eggman's Treasure Trail Marvel Didn't Create Let's Get Some Magic Stones All Hedgehogs Are Related Is This A Snow Zone? This Week: Finish Chapters 3 & 4! Next Week: Finish Chapters 5 & 6! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app