Square Roots - The Classic Rpg Podcast

Square Roots - Episode 373 MORE DIAL OF DESTINY SPOILERS AT 25:10! *SORRY* We all get seduced by an elf man with some kind of lyre in this deeply erotic episode of Square Roots. We're looking at the second chunker of Lunar: Silver Star where we find pornography in Vane's magic library, meet Austin Powers, and become landlords. Also: - Star Wars Courtroom Drama - Woiked for the Weapers - Wolverine, the Twink With the Claws - That's What Working Designs Does - The Translator Was Very Hungry This Week: We defeat the Faux Dragonmaster in Lann! Next Week:  We return the blueprints or blue prince in Iluk! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 372 Alright, it's back to real retro RPGs now! And we've got Game Arts's Lunar: Silver Star. Or Silver Star Story. Or Silver Star Complete. Or Silver Star Harmony? Or Silver Star Touch? It's complicated and we don't totally understand.  Also: - Matthew's Game 1, Everybody Else 0 - The Father Looks Like *REDACTED* - Johnny Loves His Frame Rates - 90s Waynes World Speak - The Job of Women is to Ruin Men's Fun - They're All In Love With Dyne And They're Doing It In Texas This Week: We reach Meribia in Lunar! Next Week:  We defeat the Ultragoyles! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Square Roots - Episode 371 We plow through another gazillion hours of games (if you're Canadian, 2.5 hours if you're Jim) as we finish Final Fantasy 7 Remake and the Intermission DLC. There's a lot to go through, like Matthew and Vanessa hating the swirling tornado of fate, Johnny and Jim on team defendy, and a zooming close up on a pom. Also: - Guess Whodo? - Johnny Flubs His Game Again - The Metaverse Is So Hot Right Now - A Sexy Stocking Bomb - Jim's Amazing Prank - Final Fantasy Gets Kingdom Heartsy This Week: We finish Final Fantasy 7 Remake AND Intermission! Next Week:  We reach Meriba in Lunar! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 370 Johnny's back and has two weeks pent up of his usual Scary Movie / Family Guy style reference humour. The other hosts grudgingly tolerate it. But it's a great chunk of the game, cut a little short because it turned out to be super long. We've got the sneaky climb up Shinra tower, office politics, a bored mayor, our first chunk of Jenova, a pointless dungeon, and so much lore to figure out. Also: - The Most Boring Opening Tangent Ever, According to Jim - Johnny Flubs His Game - The Password is Force Field - Why Did You Do It, Alan Rickman? - The Mechanics of Cait Sith - Air Holes - Perfecting the Lord British Texan Accent - Butter Talk - And so much more! This Week: We defeat Rufus! Next Week:  We finish the main game AND the Intermission! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Fac

Square Roots - Episode 369 It's a rare Johnnyless episode today but Vanessa, Jim and Matthew pick up the slack! That's right, Matthew has his own stupid game! Vanessa pushes along the quest log! Matthew licks Pringles! On this chunker of Final Fantasy 7 Remake: NOTHING HAPPENS, but somehow it takes 11 hours of game time. Also: - Labe Flapping - Ramsay Can't Solve Alcoholism - It's Mako Town - The Hat Guy Fandom This Week: We finish Chapter 15! Next Week:  We finish the main game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 368 We get an exclusive VIP pass to the Honeybee Inn, but where we really want to go to is Haunted House. We hear they even have a trap door! On this chunker of Square Roots we get derailed talking about this chunk of Final Fantasy 7 Remake because Jim has watched too much I Think You Should Leave and Vanessa ponders the wisdom of doing her own solo podcast like You Must Remember This. Also: - We Can't Come Up With Our Own Things - Jim Saw Mr. Boogedy - He Got Pushed Off - You Know, The Dance of the Seven Veils - Sweet Johnny Sidequests - Sexy Storage - Barrett's Bullets This Week: We finish Chapter 12! Next Week:  We finish Chapter 15! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 367 On this chunker we get into the pridiest, queeriest, most flamboyant portion of Final Fantasy 7 Remake: The Wall Market!  Also: - James Burke and Celebrity Crushes - Michelle Pfieffer as Aerith's Mom - Tanktops and Salmon Shorts - What If They Find Out Cool Ryder is Roche? - What Else Am I Gonna Do With a Robo Hand? - Tuba Harassment - That's the Patriarchy For You This Week: Cloud gets a hand massage to completion at the Wall Market! Next Week:  We finish Chapter 12 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 366 On this chunker of Final Fantasy 7 Remake, it's all about Roche. Who is Roche? Who does his hair? What other games has Roche been in? What movies does Roche like? If you were going to get Roche a gift, what should you get him? Also: - Sloppy Steaks - I'm Talking About Shafts - Matt is a Shinra Truther - That's What The Horns Are For - We Didn't Talk ABout Politics - Sympathetic Back Pain - So Horny For Cloud This Week: We finish Chapter 7 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Next Week:  We finish Chapter 9 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 365 It's a new game! Or maybe an old game. But it's new to some of us, and that's the important part. Except that we've all played Final Fantasy 7. But is this a remake? It's complicated. On this life blood of the planet sucking episode we do the first reactor bombing run, get derailed and run into someone who shouldn't be there, and find some cats. Also: - The Worst Kind of Admiration - A Time Usage Breakdown of 60 Minute Man - Johnny's Overrated Game (JOG) - The Smell of Mako - Catherine Zehta / Zayta / Zeeta Jones - Kentucky Walliams - Incident at Owl Creek: Mako Version - Refined or Mature? This Week: We finish Chapter 3 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Next Week:  We finish Chapter 7 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.co

Square Roots - Episode 364 We finally finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear and everyone gets smooches! Except Jim. We all meet our ideal matches that we'd descend to the first level of fantasy hell with, and then do just that! But none of us expect the... extended finale and one heck of a cliffhanger! Also: - Being Insistent About Your Apathy - Either Vaguely Threatening Or A Wet Blanket - Shakira & DJ Khaled - Matthew Just Likes The Attention - Zelda's So Hot Right Now This Week: We finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear! Next Week:  We finish Chapter 3 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 363 Vanessa drops hot Nabokov bombs and asks everyone to come at her in this classy episode of Square Roots. Before we get into Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear's chunky middle chapters there is THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL IN SQUARE ROOTS HISTORY during this week's Smush Mouth.   Also: - Jim Lives Forever - You Just Sound Like A Canadian Who Can't Talk Right - Jahiera Jahiera! - Rituo Chamo - You Can't Have A Cuck Cuck You - A Skie Trip This Week: We reach the underground river! Next Week:  We finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 362 Dive into this sickly sweet bowl of soup, which is definitely not just BBQ sauce. Today's flavours are the first chunk of the rather chunky and expansive Siege of Dragonspear DLC for BioWare's Baldur's Gate - we had to reduce what we covered due to this game just being real big. It turns out Siege of Dragonspear is actually pretty new? And pretty good? Also: - Your Dad's Impressions - Vanessa's Ratatouille Moment - There's Some Whores in this Castle - Jack Black's Mars Attacks! - Dorn Fans This Week: We meet Caelar! Next Week:  We cross the bridge fort bridge of the Siege of Dragonspear!? I dunno. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 361 We try to carefully navigate the discussion of Safana's confident sexuality without judgment, and the results are mixed. Is she living her truth or a Lady Issun? On this chunker of Square Roots we battle Saravok if the game doesn't glitch out, as well as try and figure out what sort of chaos he was planning in Baldur's Gate. Oh yeah, there's also jerk Skeleton archers, a James Bond mini adventure, and so much more! Also: - Pete Does Not Have A Sexy Voice - George Lucas Was Right - An RPG's First Example of a Great Healthy Relationship - A Glitched Saravok - The First Real Bosses of the Game This Week: We finish Chapter 7! And maybe some of the DLC. Next Week:  We cross the bridge fort bridge of the Siege of Dragonspear! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.

Square Roots - Episode 360 Join Johnny "Bhaal Boy" Brandon and Straight Girl Vanessa as well as Matthew and Jim as we allllmost finish Baldur's Gate, but then don't. So yeah, there's gonna be a couple more episodes! In this chunker instead we (except Johnny) visit Ulgoth's Beard and then including Johnny attack Durlag's Tower, a fiendish den of traps and trappery. Also: - Who wrote the West Wing? - CHAHLEE MAH BAYBEE - All That Smushes is Mouth - Matthew Loves Wolf-Weres - Secret Pro Level Chess Moves - Put The Bowl Down And Back Out of the Room This Week: We finish Durlag's Tower! Next Week: We finish Chapter 7! And maybe some of the DLC. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 359 There's a big city out there to discover, and that city is the eponymous BALDUR'S GATE! Does it have a Baldur's Gay Village? Can you purchase a Baldur's Gateaux? Will you meet a whole bunch of doppelgängers? Is there finally a revelation about your secret heritage everyone has been hinting at? YOU BET. Also: - Vanessa Says Do Do - The Twist! - Doppelgänger Negging - What About Bhaal? - A Hotel Full of Slimes - The Saga of the Half-Life 2 Gnome Achievement - Sephiroth Will Make You Jump, Jump! This Week: We finish Chapters 5 and 6! Next Week: We finish Durlag's Tower and Chapter 7! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 358 Uh oh, someone didn't finish this chunker and it's not who you think! This week Johnny bombs trying to make his own Answer Smoosh, Vanessa has found true wizardly love, and we clear out some bandits AND yet another mine! Also: - A Real Cabinet Meeting - Famous Vanessa Catchphrase "Time to Die" - Tampopokémon Red - Blacktalons & Chill - Matthew's Accidental Dream Corner - Our Listeners are Educated and Informed This Week: We finish Chapter 4! Next Week: We finish Chapter 5 and probably 6! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven   Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 357 BioJanuWarey is over, welcome to Marchioware? BioMare? BioWarch? In this swashbuckling episode of Square Roots we all adopt old timey accents and swing into the thick of Faerun in Baldur's Gate. There's magicks! Hobgoblins! Spiders! And a walking 1990s meme! Also: - Iambic Poonslammiter - Happy Bear Day - Answer Smoosh - Jizzle Physics - Another Bad Dragon Situation This Week: We clear out chapter 2 (Nashkel Mines) in Baldur's Gate! Next Week: Chapters 3 and 4 and maybe 5 if that feels short  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 356 We did it! Since starting in 2017 we have now played through all of the original Mass Effect Trilogy, the only Mass Effect games that exist. No, there was no such thing as Galaxy or Andromeda or that one iPhone 3D one either. Nope. Also: - Normal People Watch the Food Network - #JohnDunsWasRight - Are You Ready For Sequel Slam 2023? - Somehow The Reapers Have The Citadel - Everyone's Favourite Character Major Coates This Week: We finish Mass Effect 3! Next Week: We clear out chapter 2 (Nashkel Mines) in Baldur's Gate! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 355 Johnny gets weird quasi-dates with straight guys flashbacks in this party filled, aquarium smashing, minigame loving chunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3! Mass Effect lets its hair down and gets out of its ridiculous marching band outfit and finally lets you enjoy the world they've created, at least for this one DLC. There's evil betrayals! Clones! Gun toting Hanar! Grunt in the shower! And so much more! Also: - The Princess of Burnsville - Vanessa's Milky White Obsession - The Whore / Horror Switcheroo - Shepherd Almost Died And It Was The Funniest Thing That Ever Happened - The Asari Don't Make Sense - The Normanddy of Thessius - Definitely Not Gay James Vega - Blasto: A Porn Parody This Week: The Citadel DLC! Next Week: We finish Mass Effect 3! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Square Roots - Episode 354 Sadly we don't get to dispatch Kai Leng in this episode, but we do get to meet some big ol' space bugs in this chunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3! We get a lot of DLC lore about the origin of the Reapers, get to splish splash in some water, and Miranda gets to wrap up her Cerberus ties and crappy father issues in one biotic swoop. Also an exciting edition of Jim's Front Page Failure! Also: - Johnny Can't Tell if Jim Is Saying Horror Or Whore But Is Afraid To Ask - A Very Real George Miller Game - Jackson Cloink-Cloink - That Was Some Good Breevin' - Vectorman for the Sega Genesis - Vanessa's Chef Wrestler Persona This Week: Leviathan, Horizon: Zero Ashleys (because she's probably dead) Next Week: The Citadel DLC! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.faceboo