Get Sex-smart

Infidelity is one of the most painful, divisive and contested relationship topics out there. With high rates of self-reported cheating, it is a very real problem that affects a lot of people. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss eight common reasons why people cheat (according to a new study); why these reasons are so common; and how we can navigate the complex world of relationships to better deal with the threat of infidelity. EPISODE NOTES: 8 Main Reasons Why People Cheat (article): https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2018/2/16/these-are-the-8-main-reasons-people-cheat  

Many of us go through extended periods of time without partner sex for a variety of reasons: getting over a breakup, a personal loss, or just having a hard time meeting the right person. When we do meet someone we want to have sex with, getting back in that proverbial saddle can feel very stressful and anxiety-provoking. In this episode, Dr. Valeria shares five keys to feeling less anxious and more confident about having sex again after a long time without a partner. 

It seems like every week now there is a new and exciting discovery happening in the field of sexuality. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the five most recent sex-related innovations that are promising to be helpful, interesting, and even a bit controversial. The innovations include a new online STI testing app; a streaming-based online sex ed school; an invention that aims to normalize sexual desire by applying electro-stimulation to the brain; and two groundbreaking sex toys.  EPISODE NOTES: Biem, STI testing app: http://biemteam.com O.school: https://www.o.school BrainStim by Liberos: https://liberoscenter.com/brainstim-2/  Eva II, hands-free vibrator: https://www.dameproducts.com/products/eva b-Vibe rimming plug: https://www.bvibe.com/vibrating-anal-toys/rimming-plug-2.html      

Microcheating is a term that has recently become popular on social media. It refers to a pattern of seemingly small behaviors that indicate that your partner may be excessively focused on someone else (emotionally or physically). But is microcheating really a thing that we should be concerned about? In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin share their opinions on microcheating, its validity, and what it may mean for our intimate relationships. 

Get Sex-Smart is back after a holiday break, and in this first episode of the new year Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin say goodbye to 2017 with a list of their favorite sex-related scientific discoveries and events that took place last year. They also share their favorite Get Sex-Smart episodes of 2017 and offer tips on making successful sexual resolutions for the New Year.  

Virginity is a controversial topic in our society, and many people who never had partner sex feel anxious about losing their virginity. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about what is problematic about virginity; the feelings of shame and anxiety many virgins experience; and how virgins can start having enjoyable and fun partner sex.  EPISODE NOTES: Scarleteen, an excellent sex ed resource: http://www.scarleteen.com

Pegging is a sexual activity that can be both extremely pleasurable and very intimate. Many men and women are curious about pegging but also feel unsure and anxious about trying it. In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about what pegging is, how to make it pleasurable, how to overcome anxiety and concerns around pegging, how to discuss pegging with your partner, and more.  EPISODE NOTES: In addition to this episode, we recommend Ep. 47 (Anal Sex, part 1); Ep. 54 (Anal Sex, part 2); and Ep. 73 (Sex Toys for Men). The information in these episodes will help you create an amazing pegging experience.   

Many couples face challenges around sexual compatibility, including differences in libido, eroticism, and sexual fantasies and preferences. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the problem of erotic incompatibility, when one partner's sexual fantasies, fetish or turn ons are different from those of the other partner. We discuss how to manage complicated emotions around erotic incompatibility, ways of communicating and negotiating, and possible solutions. 

Studies show that about 8% to 10% of adult population describe themselves as virgins. Partners of virgins often feel the pressure to make first-time sex as good as possible. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about the concept of virginity; what difficulties and anxieties can come with being an adult virgin; how partners of virgins can overcome their own concerns and anxieties about sexual performance; and how to make sure both partners have amazing and pleasurable first-time sex. 

Traditionally, sex toys have been the domain of women. These days though, men are increasingly interested in trying sex toys for their own pleasure, and the market offers a great variety of products. In this episode, Dr. Valeria interviews guest Katy Zvolerin, PR Director for Adam & Eve, a popular online seller of adult products. We discuss why sex toys for men are becoming more popular; the variety of products available - from the simplest and most expensive to more advanced; prostate stimulation, pegging, and more; and finally, our advice on how to use sex toys both solo and with a partner to bring more pleasure and variety into your sex life.  EPISODE NOTES: To get 50% and free shipping on one item at www.adamandeve.com, use the promo code SEXSMART at checkout.

Many men who struggle with dating and relationships think that being a "Nice Guy" is the key to getting the girl. Unfortunately, this strategy often ends up delivering disappointing results. On today's episode, guest Harris O'Malley, aka Dr. Nerdlove, chats with Dr. Valeria about the side effects of the "Nice Guy" stereotype, and how having a "Nice Guy" mindset can seriously sabotage a man's chances at a happy and fulfilling sex life. EPISODE NOTES: Find Harris O'Malley at: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/ Get Harris's books at: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/books/

In the recent weeks, the #MeToo movement swept over social media in the wake of the Weinstein sexual harassment scandal. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss why the movement is so important; share their own perspectives on #MeToo; and make the argument that the movement may have a great potential to heal and improve the intimate relationships between men and women. 

Today, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin are discussing the seven factors that contribute to men's sexual attractiveness, based on the sociologist Catherine Hakim's theory of erotic capital. We discuss physical beauty; liveliness; charm; physical presentation; social skills; sex appeal; and sexual competence. We also talk about how men can increase these factors to become more sexually attractive. 

According to a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research, many men seem to treat their female partners' orgasms as a confidence booster and a way to feel more masculine and successful. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and guest Sarah Martin discuss the reasons why men feel this way; how this treatment of female orgasms impacts women; and the potential consequences for sexual relationships. EPISODE NOTES: Study "Do Women's Orgasms Function as a Masculinity Achievement for Men?" http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2017.1283484

This may come as a surprise to many, but male erotica and pornography are incredibly popular among women. In fact, gay male pornography has been consistently at the top of the most searched pornography topics for women. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss what's behind this high level of interest; what it tells us about women's sexuality; and some of the good resources for those of you who are interested in exploring this genre. 

We often take it for granted that men always want sex and are always eager and ready for it. But is it true? Dr. Valeria and guest, sex and relationship wellness coach Jeanson Benoit, look at the top five surprising facts about men's sexual desire (according to a recent study that looked at heterosexual men in long-term relationships). These findings challenge our understanding of men's sexuality and reveal that male sexual desire isn't as simple as we thought.  EPISODE NOTES: Original study: A Qualitative Exploration of Factors That Affect Sexual Desire Among Men Aged 30 to 65 in Long-Term Relationships  

We're looking at a recent study published by Pornhub that complied 10 years of porn searches. Each year, different sexual fantasies seemed to be especially popular. Dr. Valeria and guest, sex coach Sarah Martin review the most popular searches on Pornhub and discuss what they say about our sexuality in this raunchy and hilarious episode.  EPISODE NOTES: Original article on The Cut: https://www.thecut.com/2017/06/pornhub-data-sexual-habits.html Soul Shaking Love online training (free): https://getsexsmart.com/soul Kinky Tips Blogfest (with prizes): https://getsexsmart.com/kinky  

Today, Dr. Valeria is answering a listener question. The listener enjoys her intimate relationship, but still has a hard time disengaging from everyday life and its many responsibilities, and feeling more sexy, confident, and open to intimacy. Dr. Valeria shares her tips and advice. 

For many women, being able to have an orgasm with a partner is a big challenge. Actually, most women have experienced a lack of orgasm during partner sex (especially intercourse), and this issue affects heterosexual women the most. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin look at some of the reasons why women have trouble having orgasms with partner sex, and what can be done to help women become more orgasmic with their partners.

In this new dating-focused episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about a common source of anxiety for a lot of people: the fear of coming across as "creepy". We talk about what defines creepy behavior; the difference between being creepy and socially awkward; and how not to come across as creepy in dating situations.