Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, And Kink With Dawn Serra

As you know, January's theme this year for confessions is FIRSTS. It felt wonderful to be able to have Amber Keyser, author of The V-Word, join in the fun this week as her book is an anthology of 17 stories all about first time sexual experiences. But what does first time sex mean? The V-Word explores that with beautiful depth and diversity, including trans voices and queer voices among the many stories. We dive into virginity and what a dated, patriarchal concept it is. Amber even has a phrase I've become obsessed with: the cult of virginity. We talk about teenagers and sex, resources for young people that offer possibilities rather than prescriptions about what sex should be, and dive into her new novel. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode "Beast" by Brie Spangler, which is a YA novel centering a trans character About Amber Keyser Amber J. Keyser is an evolutionary biologist-turned-author, who writes both fiction and nonf

This week, we have our first listener confession from CK all about the first time she ended a relationship. Heads' up that it contains themes of abuse within BDSM. Then, Sarah Pappalardo from Reductress is here! If you haven't seen Reductress yet, get thee over to their satirical site immediately and be wowed. We talk about media literacy, mainstream feminism, white feminism, and all the ways feminism has been co-opted by commercialize and media. Sarah talks about using satire and comedy to confront a Trump presidency, companies like Dove with their empowerment branding, and when satire goes too far. There is a ton of laughter and misandry mixed in with the very heartfelt and serious topics we dive into. Plus, what are Sarah's thoughts on Amy Schumer as a feminist? Sarah's response is incredible, and something all of us should be more aware of in our "feminist" icons. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sarah Pappalardo Sarah Pappalardo is the co-founde

It's New Year's Day, 2017. It seems appropriate to start the year off with an intimate show between you and me, including a diary entry of my very first kiss. If you'd like to share your own confession on January's theme of FIRSTS, then scroll to the bottom of this week's episode page for details. So many of you have written in with heartfelt thanks, and I share a few of them this week. Then, in response to Embarrassed's email from a few weeks ago, listener Hannah writes in about the trauma of her labiaplasty and Sarah from yaysex.ca shares her struggle with accepting her vulva appearance. I also field listener questions about consent and what consent looks like if you need a partner to talk you into sex, whether to stay in a relationship if your partner never wants sex, and what kind of anal vibrator to invest in if you are getting started with butt play. It's a packed week and I can't wait to share it with you. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. It's Christmas Day! What better way to celebrate a holiday than with a sexy, fun chat with not one but TWO fellow sex educators? And from New Zealand, no less. Kate McCombs and Louise Bourchier are here to help me answer questions from you about getting started with anal sex after a bad first experience, dealing with big emotions after losing your virginity, feeling sexually frustrated in a relationship after moving in with your boyfriend, the importance of empathy, and a whole lot more. These two women are smart, kind, and endlessly fascinated in sexuality and communication. I adore them both. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Dawn's online anal course is here. "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel "When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life" by Sandra Pertot "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" b

Rain DeGrey and I have been trying to make this interview happen for over 2 years, and it's FINALLY here. I thought it would be a perfect pre-holiday episode so everyone who is traveling for the holidays could have a fun little distraction. As you'll hear, Rain does not hold back on all of the things she loves doing with her body when it comes to BDSM and exploring her edges. She loves intensity and pushing herself to the limit. There may be some things discussed in this episode that are a bit intense, so settle in and prepare yourself for talk of being buried alive, black eyes, injuries, wrestling, needing CPR, breath play, and much much more. Plus, what it's like to have zero fucks to give and why more of us should stop worrying and start living. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Rain's tweet about Christian's wanting to fuck her. About Rain DeGrey Rain DeGrey is an international educator, writer, presenter and performer that h

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. I have a ton of listener emails in the queue, so I was happy to get to a few this week on munches and online handles, pubic hair trends, and finding a sex position therapist. Plus, if your wife says she can get a bunch of sex toys for super cheap, does that mean they're bad? I weigh in on how to find affordable sex toys that are body safe. Then, I chat with Lora Ivanova from myLAB Box, an at-home STI testing service for folks in the United States. She has soooooo much information on STIs, tests that doctors often miss, and ways to reduce stigma around something over 30% of us experience in our lives. You can get 20% off STD and HIV test through myLAB Box until December 31, 2016 using code GIVETHANKS16. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About myLAB Box myLAB Box is a first-of-its-kind service that delivers STD screening solutions to your doorstep allowing you to keep private things private.

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. Content note: talk of suicide. I always love when I get to have nuanced conversations about topics like sex work, porn, consent, and polyamory. So, when Kitty Stryker said she'd come on the show, I knew the discussion would be a gritty one. Kitty is currently working on an anthology book all about creating consent culture that comes out in 2017. We dig into what that looks like and how she's centering marginalized voices. Then we talk about what consent means within the context of capitalism and work. If you can't leave sex work because traditional employers won't hire former porn performers and you have to remain in sex work even if you're ready to leave, can you truly be consenting to the work? If we started focusing more on labor issues and capitalism, could we bridge the gap between anti-sex work feminists and pro-sex work feminists to find a common ground where nuance was encouraged? Kitty also shares a personal story about suicide and

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Use promo code SGR5off to save 5%! Alex was the first person to ever share an Oh Joy Sex Toy comic with me. I was immediately enamored. Erika Moen's weekly sex education comic is full of so many wonderful topics, reviews, and done with such an approachable spirit. I've shared TONS of her stuff on social media because who doesn't love a comic about watersports featuring cute wolves or a fat-bodied review of the latest vibrator? In this episode, Erika and I talk about how she got started as an artistic sex educator, and roll around in some of her favorite issues and guest artists. We talk about visiting a porn set, why reviewing sex toys is so damn difficult, how sometimes you have to sacrifice nuance to get a conversation started, and pole dancing. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode StripSearch, the reality TV show Erika was on, can be found here. The wa

Hello, from Salt Lake City! Thanks for all of the feedback on last week's episode, post-election. So many of you had so many thoughtful and kind things to say. I appreciate it more than you know. This week, I field questions about sissification and being a masculine dude who loves feminine things, a gay guy who is having his first vulva sex in a few days, and a listener who is deeply ashamed of her vulva appearance. What makes a super skilled sexual partner so good at sex? Why are gender norms so deeply ingrained in our experiences? It's a fun week and I'm so glad to be rolling around in all of your questions and comments after a few weeks of chaos and moving. Also, YOUR GENITALS ARE NORMAL AND AMAZING. I had to get that off my chest. Make sure you're on the newsletter list, too, because I have some free online talks and a few workshops coming up. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Femalia by Joani Blank - a picture book of vulva

What a week. Between moving from DC to Salt Lake City and the U.S. election, I've had so many big emotions and huge feels. This week's episode is a little different. It's not everyday we have an election and a public response like the one that happened a few days ago. So, instead of a big interview or an hour of answer questions, this week is a short, vulnerable little note from me to you about the world we live in. Specifically, how our sexual freedom and the way we love and do relationship is so deeply tied to racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, and all systems of oppression. (Shout out to Conner Habib!) It's short. It's political. It's me laying in bed, feeling exhausted, and sharing some thoughts about the world and the work we need to do. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode CodeSwitch - an NPR podcast by journalists of color Sporkful's "Who is this Restaurant For?" series on race and eating out 2 Dope Queens Sooo Many White 

One of the perks of my job is getting a chance to read a lot of books about sex, sexuality, kink, and relationships. Some are terrific, some are OK, but it's always fun to learn new things and take on new perspectives. I recently had a chance to read Mike Domitrz's new book, "Can I Kiss You?" and one of the things that most delighted me was the fact that the book is simple enough for teens to understand it but deep enough to be relevant for folks who have been married for 3 decades - all while being entirely gender neutral. So, this week, Mike and I had a lovely talk about consent, respect, rape, sexual assault, dating, hook-ups, why married folks in 40 year marriages need consent as much as teens dating for the first time, and we even roll around in Donald Trump and Rush Limbaugh. Mike's examples are approachable and realistic - it's clear he has dedicated his life to rewriting the rules we have about dating and consent. And while I have had several consent experts on the show over the years, I have a feelin

Grab a cup of tea, settle in, and prepare to be amazed. When Kate Lister, creator of Whores of Yore, agreed to come on the show, I did cartwheels. And it's pretty evident why as you listen to this fascinating and hysterical episode all about the history of sex, porn, and sex work. Kinky Victorians who loved spankings and piss play? Check. Medieval monks drawing trees full of dicks and women making strap-ons out of bread to fuck each other? Yep. From the oldest recorded dildo in history to Kate's research on sexual violence in contemporary media, you will learn more about the history of sex than you ever knew possible, and you'll giggle all the way. Plus, you'll gain a whole new perspective into Game of Thrones! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode An article about Whores of Your in The Daily Dot About Kate Lister Dr Kate Lister is a researcher at Leeds Trinity University in historical attitudes to sexuality and sex work. She has pu

Sign-up for my live, online anal 101 class! It's October 26th and going to be amazing fun. Learn more and register now. When I think about my sex educator heroes, Allison Moon is one of the folks who has had a tremendous impact on the way I approach and talk about sexuality and sex. Her own journey through lesbian identity to queer identity is very reminiscent of my own, and her approachable and matter-of-fact methods of talking about sex always inspire. So, when a pain-filled email came in from a listener who identified herself as A talking about her journey from religious conservative who married young to a sex positive, liberal, queer feminist who feels like her queer identity is suffocating inside a monogamous marriage to a cis hetero man, I knew Allison was the expert I needed to help field this rich discussion. Her perspective on wanting to dive into our newly discovered identities and ways to make space for a partner who isn't as far along on the journey is absolutely spectacular. We also talk about ta

Sign-up for my live, online anal 101 class! It's October 26th and going to be amazing fun. Learn more and register now. This week is a fun chat with The Butters All Natural Lube creator and sex educator Jerome Stuart Nichols. We talk about lube and creating your own sex stuff, being a sex educator, STIs, and we answer two listeners questions. One of those questions absolutely broke my heart, so I was very thrilled Jerome could join me to help field it - how can a Black man with a smaller penis ever hope to find confidence and a lover who is pleased with is body? The racial stereotypes about penis size and the masculinity myths we are all drowning in can create a toxic situation for so many of us.  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Jerome Stuart Nichols Jerome Stuart Nichols is the creator of LTASEX.com and The Butters All-Natural Lubricant, among other things. His overarching goal is to help people live better, sex better, and love better. He enjoys a

Ready for that online anal workshop? Head to sexgetsreal.com/butts to check it out and sign-up. Marcia Baczynski, creator of the Good Girl Recovery Program and co-founder of Cuddle Party, is here this week, and there were SOOO many nuggets of inspiration and amazing suggestions that I had a hard time not quoting the entire thing in my notes. We talk about asking for what we want in bed, setting boundaries, saying no gracefully so you're clear without being cruel, and how your happiness is being compromised by all of the things you're tolerating. We also field listener questions about rape fantasies and Marcia gives the most amazing advice to people who are about to try their first swinger party or sex party. Get your notebook handy and share this episode with a friend. It's full of incredible wisdom that you'll want to hear again and again. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Marcia Baczynski Marcia Baczynski is a internationally recognized expert on se

This week is a little different from the normal show.  First up, I field a few listener questions about finding out you may have herpes and hepatitis C after a partner cheated and how to become a sex educator. NRE isn't only for relationships - we can also get high on our dreams and take huge risks when we're caught up in the excitement and desire. Then, the tables are flipped and I get interviewed by Parijat Deshpande about navigating sex and connection when you have a physical situation like a high-risk pregnancy where intercourse is off the table for a period of time. It's a fun chat that has lots of great information that can apply to chronic illness or post-surgery situations, even though we're specifically talking about pregnancy. I offer lots of script examples to help having difficult conversations, so grab a notepad and jot down some notes on how to have those conversations. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra For those of you who ha

Erotica has played a significant role in my own sexual exploration and development - from teaching me about my own desires and fantasies to understanding the depth of other people's sexual landscapes. It's a yummy and delicious space to play in. That's why I'm so excited to be joined by Rachel Kramer Bussel this week, who has edited over 60 erotica books and who currently has 2 open calls for submissions. So listeners - if you are at all interested in getting some erotica published, take a look at the links down below. Rachel talks about what makes for good erotica, how we can use erotica to not only arouse but to heal, ways to make erotica political and transformative, and all the ways she wants to challenge the narrative around conventional beauty in the stories she writes. Where are the fat men and the bald men and the short men and the body diversity? We even talk about necrophilia, which may be a first for the show.  Plus, Rachel teases us with a few minutes from an erotic story called "Starstruck" by La

Sinclair Sexsmith (you might know them as Sugarbutch) is here this week and we are talking ALL about kink, BDSM, and power dynamics. We take a look at Sinclair's journey from submissive to Top to Dominant to Daddy and Master. What is it like to live in a 24/7 Master slave dynamic? How can people learn more? We also discuss using BDSM to heal trauma and depression - it's a fine line, but it can be a powerful practice. Plus, what is Submissive Playground? Sinclair shares the details. I am so excited to share this chat with you, so settle in and let's do this. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday "Slavecraft" by a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin "Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers about Master/Slave Relationships" by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera About Sinclair Sexsmith Sinclair Sexsmith is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on cou

In the DC area? I'm teaching kink, anal sex, thriving relationships, blowjobs, and more in October and November. Check out the details at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page.  How does traditional consent education fail us? What do you do if you're in a new open relationship and it just isn't working for you? Can someone really orgasm without having their genitals touched? This week, Yana Tallon-Hicks joins the show and we roll around in all those questions and more (don't miss Dawn's story of aiming a penis). It's a fun, laughter-filled talk and it's clear why TEDx invited Yana to do a talk on sex education recently. The listener questions this week are particularly delicious, especially the final question from Lady Lilly - both Yana and I are near tears as we listen to the pain and heartbreak of her question. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Yana's resource guide to open relationships is he

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page. The October “From Curious to Kinky” isn’t up yet, so check back soon if you’ve got your eye on that. Sometimes I get intimidated or nervous about speaking with a guest. Other times I feel excited to dig in with a colleague or friend. But this week? The only word I had was delight. Karen BK Chan delights me with her words and thoughts and ideas. The way she questions our cultural stories and makes sense of them astounds me. I could listen to her talk for hours, honestly. So, when she agreed to come on the show, I didn’t know what to do with myself. How do you talk about all the things when you only have an hour? We go deep in this episode. Where we start off talking about kindness and consent, we quickly end up eyeball deep in discussions around the masks we wear to protect ourselves from rejection and being consent violators ourselves and finding those places within ourselves that are invested in perp