He Just Loves The Hallmark Channel

Les, Kurt, and Jason are officially in their tax season as it’s now officially holiday movie time! But first, find out if Blac Chyna and Derrick Milano are signing a prenup and what someone named Suckafreeze thinks about it! Then it’s time to talk about Netflix’s latest salvo in the holiday movie viewership wars, Hot Frosty. Starring Hallmark royalty Lacey Chabert and Dustin Milligan (Ted from Schitt’s Creek), this movie may be Lacy’s Monster’s Ball because of her character’s mess of a housee (though they guys MAY be thinking of Charlize Theron’s “Monster” instead for this analogy). With a supporting cast that includes Lauren Holly, Craig Robinson, and Joe Lo Truglio, and Crishell Stause, this movie is like Splash… but with medical records in Comic Sans.     Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason decide to tackle a Lifetime classic, 1996’s Co-Ed Call Girl. While it didn’t originate on Lifetime (it first aired on CBS), it became associated with Lifetime as it went into heavy rotation as Lifetime leaned into movies about women in peril. Khloe Kardashian may be in peril after allegedly throwing shade at Blac Chyna! Then, it’s time for the guys to give Tori Spelling a ring cuz they’re looking for a Co-Ed Call Girl! The guys are quite concerned about this escort service’s business model (especially when it comes to spending one’s money on a pricey scarf that your mom will wear as she plays the cello for your prostitution clients! But even more pressing matters are at hand including the question of whether Leonard Bernstein was a bossy bottom and the eventual weekly procedural based on this movie called Dr. Call Girl.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by pu

Les, Kurt, and Jason were all prepared for a guest that had to cancel, but that’s not gonna stop them from watching a movie that, based on its title, should be a lighthearted romp set at Halloween! But first, Les suggests people will be dressing as the Menendez Brothers this year, Jason wonders aloud if they have all officially reached “CBS Median Viewership Age,” and Kurt has some big news a bout Blac Chyna! Then, it’s time to go incognito by dressing in all black with the exception of a very bright red face mask (all the kids are doing it right now) for Lifetime’s 2023 Movie “Look Who’s Stalking.” The title was originally titled “Haunted by My Stalker” and frankly more descriptive of the movie rather than the final title which invoke the potential that Danny Devito may be providing a voice. So gather around the easily-exhumed body with your tuna casserole, we’re about to answer all of these unknown calls together.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhall

Les, Kurt, and Jason are so excited to dig into a movie for Peacock! But first, the guys breakdown the Abe Lincoln documentary Lover of men, and find out that Les is friends with the guy that portrayed Abe in the reenactments. Then, in Blac Chyna news, the story about Twin Hector getting beat up gets (as Jason predicted) more violent and weird as Tokyo Toni wants the credit for it! Then they guys dig into Peacock’s A Nanny to Die for. This movie may have been released on Peacock, but it was made by the longtime Lifetime stalwarts at Hybrid, and it has many of the same Hallmarks (pun intended): multiple murders, a cold open, a psycho with a traumatic childhood, and just a hint of gaslighting! Get ready to go down rabbit holes (or is it’s sea holes? Or C-holes) about Caryn Richman, Hart to Hart, and Murray Langston!    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason have gathered much like a bunch of leaves that have been raked into a pile against their will. But at least Kurt has Blac Chyna news that could follow a similar long-tail trajectory as past news stories about her making violent claims. Then, ready or not, the guys leave no leaf unturned as they dissect Hallmark’s Falling Together. Kurt has a pretty wild and prescient theory about the male lead, and that triggers a companion theory about the female lead (and movie at large) that involves a lot of gay coding, a whole lot of pie, and a whole huge heaping pile of cocaine. But an increased coke budget just comes with the territory of a new job that isn’t in Miami but that you have shown up for 6 weeks early. Open up your veiny eyes to watch this movie, unless you’re getting Mama’s Familied while you listen.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason may have found the perfect movie to suit their collective sensibilities, 2015’s A Deadly Adoption. Part true-to-form Lifetime movie, part inside joke (that not everybody was in on), part dramatic showcase for Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig, Ferrell’s passion project written by Harper Steele gets a look from the guys in light of his and Steele’s current spectacular and very moving Netflix documentary Will & Harper. Blac Chyna is also moving people to tears with her heartfelt conversation with daughter Dream about her appearance insecurity. But Will & Harper & Blac Chyna have nothing on the emotional rollercoaster of A Deadly Adoption’s wild tale about a financial author-lothario, his neglected wife, their moronic daughter with diabetes named after the pilot who landed on the Hudson, the woman they welcome into their lives in hopes of having another baby.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofha

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back with a packed show! There’s Blac Chyna’s pivot to fitness! There’s Eric Roberts (past) smack talk about Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias. There’s a Candace Cameron Bure sighting! There’s Matlock, with a (big) twist! There’s an Oscar winner being confused for a high profile prostitute! There’s improv class driving! There’s surge pricing to get to an attempted murder scene! There’s Vicki Lawrence becoming Ryan Murphy’s new Sarah Paulson! There’s people being conceived to Mama’s Family and LMFAO’s Shots! And, most critically, you may now use the phrase “Mama’s Family-ed” as a verb   for having sex.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason had to pick a movie that Les could access in Canada since he’s still in Vancouver, so they decided to watch the lone Stalked by My Doctor movie they haven’t seen, 2019’s Stalked by My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare! But first, Les and Kurt know someone that used to work in the Hallmark world and he may soon be a guest on the podcast! Plus, Eric Roberts just appeared on Marc Maron’s podcast, so the guys think they may have a shot at their white whale! And, this episode features both a Blac Chyna report AND and a special Abe Lincoln report since Kurt just found out that Abe may have been gay! Then, they guys delightfully dig into another gem from the Stalked by My Doctor cinematic universe that doesn’t just feature Eric Roberts as Dr. Albert Beck, but also the return of the very Jimmy Buffet-esque voice in his head (complete with a new array of Hawaiian shirts and tropical cocktail glasses). Eric Roberts really hit the jackpot with this movie: he got paid wardrobe bumps for bringing his

Les, Kurt, and Jason are excited that Les is currently in the homeland of all things Hallmark, Vancouver, Canada as they convene to talk about the baphomet tattoo Blac Chyna is having removed. Even with its striking imagery, though, this tattoo has nothin’ on the badasserey of Aunt Gert, the sitcom Kathy Bates helping to make Hallmark’s Magic Lemon Drops even more fun. Did Hallmark low-key make a movie that revolves around people doing psychedelics? Probably! Is there a diner called Eatery? Definitely! Gert may not be the heroine of the movie (not heroin, though maybe), but in a movie where obvious junk mail is mistaken for tax bills where people refuse to bring their foster dog to a sex dungeon, she certainly is the character you expect to help pound out the schnitzel.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason are about to attend A Costa Rican Wedding, a Hallmark movie that somehow seems to ruin the concept of hot shirtless guys on screen (at least for a moment). But first, Kurt’s Blac Chyna news, despite being 2 months old, manages to deliver a piece of info we’ve never heard mentioned in the Blac Chyna Report: Tyra’s real name! After the guys price out the salon menu for Hearts Pure by Angela White, then they head to the jungle for Hallmark’s latest wedding-themed movie. Though the setting is intriguing, there’s too much emphasis on wackiness (monkeys stealing wedding rings) and almost no emphasis on making any of these people likable humans (Kurt’s favorite Sean Penn soundbite gets a lot of use in this episode).    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason welcome a very special guest in Tarot Specialist and Paranormal investigator Ken Boggle (@kenboggle) from Hulu’s Living for the Dead to discuss this week’s Lifetime movie, Miss Cleo: Her Rise and Fall. Ken gets recognized by both both the living and the dead, but Blac Chyna doesn’t even recognize herself, what with the filler blindness and all. Then the guys are ready to dig into the rise and fall of Miss Cleo. Imagine an alternate universe where Tyler Perry creation Madea becomes the face of a psychic hotline instead of Youree Dell Harris’ Miss Cleo! Or stay in the current universe where you can get schooled in Tarot by a Jamaican Nun just like everyone else! Let’s bask in the revelation that unemployment was down during the time Miss Cleo was handing out device, and never ever address the fact that Miss Cleo came out later in life.   Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously

Les, Kurt, and Jason revisit their 2020 episode where Kurt and Jason realize Les knows Melissa McCarthy but hasn't booked her on the podcast yet! She seems like she'd enjoy Hallmark's One Royal Holiday which features a prince with Covid hair, a bed and breakfast superdome, and a pretty passive aggressive attitude towards ghost writers.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason are experiencing a Brat summer, just like the twinks working at Disneyland. Jason’s Disneyland adventure also featured many spotting of Mickey ears that looked like donuts and the realization that Winnie the Pooh is part of the LGBTQ community (because Winnie, like many, is a pantsless bear). Then after Blac Chyna Report, it’s time to get into a movie co-starring Blac Chyna: Lifetime’s I Thought My Husband’s Wife was Dead. Even though her presence wasn’t felt enough to help the movie make any sense, the movie did feature lots of Canadians from the Park Ranger school doing bad southern accents, a local therapist whose client list was comprised of everyone in this movie, and concept of a nap dress.    Also: Kurt is running in a 5K! If you’d like to read more about the cause and donate to Kurt and the other participants, please visit danmellebyfoundation.org   Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod

Les, Kurt, and Jason hop on the pole and head back to their 2019 episode about Lifetime's Psycho Stripper, a movie that prompted Jason to go on a rather epic rant about... cake boxes. With hot shirtless murderous men, characters killed off that we didn't even know were characters in the movie to begin with, and separate straight male characters that scream "Yaaaaassssssss" and wear mesh crop tops, this movie has EVERYTHING.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com    

Les, Kurt, and Jason have assembled to dissect Hallmark’s rather weighty  Movie A World Christmas Record. But first, Kurt’s Blac Chyna news lets Les know that Blac Chyna is set to appear in the movie he picked for next week, Lifetime’s I Thought My Husband’s Wife Was Dead. The biggest relevation of this episode of the podcast comes when Kurt reveals that he knows someone who knows THE PARK RANGER! And Kurt knows someone in this week’s movie, though it’s not the Sixth Spice Girl (a reference Jason and Les don’t get because they’ve never seen Spice World!) Hallmark covers lots of new territory with this movie (Autism! Deadbeat dads! Sexless marriage! Lying by Omission), but none of that matters as much as building a the world’s biggest Jenga (which should have been the world’s largest Christmas Tree made of books). Crank up your favorite Oran “Juice” Jones or Spin Doctors CD and get ready for a massage, with boundaries! Also: Kurt is running in a 5K! If you’d like to read more about the cause and donate to Kurt

  Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Hallmark's Edge of the Garden that may be about ghosts. Or time travel. Or parallel universes. Or eternal love. Or about taking what little bit of joy you have left in your life and squeezing it out of you as you watch this movie.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back though it was touch and go for Kurt this week with his travel turned upside down. Thank goodness he came back with some Blac Chyna news, and to see this week’s movie, Lies and Ex Wives: Secrets on Maple Street. This apparently a new “universe” of stories for Lifetime to explore, but they may not want to let the Park Ranger Academy of the Dramatic Arts have such a big creative role the next time around. But thanks to her, we are served a forgotten suspect in a gruesome murder, unnecessary umbrellas, and… fishing. Even the spreads were off in this movie (the food!). And wait until you hear how Eric Roberts could’ve helped Maple Street.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2021 episode about Salt-N-Pepa, a film that kick-off a new Lifetime genre: the black lady entertainer biopic that taught us that Push It was recorded in a bathroom. Do with that information what you will.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason waste no time in talking about the subject on everyone’s minds, the Presid——— er, the deaths of multiple cultural icons including Shannen Doherty, Richard Simmons, and Dr. Ruth. Plus Kurt has news that Blac Chyna may be engaging in drama in her life by talking about how she doesn’t want drama in her life, and we share a recipe for your favorite casserole from the 70’s! Then, it’s time to go shopping… for a better movie than Ms. Christmas Comes to Town. Oof. This movie tells the uplifting story of how capitalism can sound downright heartwarming when you’re a shopping host dealing with a terminal diagnosis while selling paper erection trees. The movie is notable for having employed more background actors as extras than most gladiator movie crowd scenes, and even more notable for the insanely high lack of chemistry between the two leads. Lesson learned: your career as a traveling nurse isn’t long for this world cuz you’re get discovered and become  a star!   Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Ins

Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Hallmark's Christmas with a Prince, a movie so questionable that the Canadian singer you've probably never heard who appears in the movie will still be someone you've never heard of after you watch the movie.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com