The Angry Therapist Podcast

In this episode, I walk through my past relationships and take ownership of the ways I’ve been unsafe. I share specific moments - steamrolling my ex-wife with logic instead of empathy, making subtle body comments that landed harder than I understood, ending relationships abruptly, and moving on too quickly after a breakup. At the time, I justified a lot of it. Looking back, I see the impact. I also talk about asking my current partner to tell me how I’ve made her feel unsafe over the past eight years. I held her, promised not to defend myself, and listened. And I cried. This isn’t about shame. It’s about ownership. If you’re a man listening, the question isn’t “Am I a good guy?”It’s: Where have I been unsafe — and what would it mean to do better?

Most of us were never taught how to communicate in relationships. So we react. We defend. We assume. We build resentment. In this solo episode, John reframes “communication” as something deeper: intimacy, attunement, and repair. Because it’s not the conflict that destroys relationships — it’s the lack of repair. John breaks down how to “fight without fighting,” including: • Trying to understand before trying to be understood • Naming your activation instead of attacking • Taking ownership to create repair • Setting intentional time to practice connection • Using I statements and watching tone • Using touch and body language to soften conflict • Listening while considering your partner’s story Healthy intimacy isn’t chemistry. It’s skill. And every conflict is a chance to break a pattern — or repeat one.

In this episode, I answer your questions about breakups, expired relationships, and finding the courage to choose yourself. We talk about how to let go when you’re struggling to accept it’s over, how to know if a relationship is worth saving, and what it really takes to leave. I also break down the real stages of a relationship, advice for your first one, and how to slow yourself down while dating. This one is about self-trust, endings, and learning to stop clinging to what’s already expired. Let’s get into it.

A breakup can feel like the end of everything. But what if it’s actually the beginning? In this episode, John shares a deeply personal reflection on fear, identity, divorce, and what relationships are really meant to do in our lives. Inspired by a nostalgic moment listening to “Borderline” by Madonna, he explores how certain songs — and certain people — instantly transport us back to who we were. John challenges the idea that you were supposed to be the hero in someone’s life. Maybe you were the bridge. And maybe they were a bridge for you. He dives into: • Why some relationships are meant to expire • The truth about closure (and why it’s ongoing) • How to stop outsourcing your worth to a partner • The powerful question: Who am I without them? • The difference between your pseudo self and solid self • Why endings are not the opposite of beginnings If you’re going through a breakup — or still carrying residue from one — this episode reframes the pain as instruction. Profound pain carries profound gro

Are you tired of just surviving your past, feeling like old wounds dictate your present? Imagine a life where emotional freedom isn't just a dream, but a daily reality. This video isn't about quick fixes; it's about the radical, yet gentle power of consistent habits to transform your deepest hurts into your greatest strengths.

What if the thing shaping almost every decision you make is happening quietly — without you realizing it? John breaks down a powerful idea from psychologist and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman: there are two selves at play — the experiencing self (who lives life moment-to-moment) and the remembering self (who tells the story and makes most decisions). When those two don’t agree, you can end up living a life that looks “right” on paper… but still feels empty inside. MENTIONED / LINKS (Daniel Kahneman – Nobel Prize) Nobel Prize profile (2002, Economic Sciences): https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/economic-sciences/2002/kahneman/facts/ Daniel Kahneman (Wikipedia): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Kahneman Thinking, Fast and Slow (book): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS (2-QUESTION FILTER) Before a major decision (work, love, moves, commitments), ask: “How does this feel in my body right now?” “When you look back on this in 5 years, will I be glad

In this episode, John sits down with therapist Taune for a wide-ranging, honest conversation about the love lessons that shaped them — and the patterns many of us keep repeating without realizing it. They explore how chemistry can masquerade as care, why intensity often feels familiar even when it’s unhealthy, and how relationships quietly shift when attraction turns into caretaking. Along the way, they unpack trauma bonding, attunement, playfulness, power dynamics, and what it really takes to sustain intimacy over time. This is not a neat, list-driven episode. It’s a real conversation — the long way home — filled with reflection, humor, and uncomfortable truths about love, relationships, and self-abandonment.

In this episode, John answers listener questions about breakups, emotional cheating, boredom in relationships, scarcity mindset, defensiveness, and what it really means to compromise without abandoning yourself. Why is it harder to let go when things ended “well”? Is emotional cheating still cheating? When do needs become “demands”? And how much space is too much space for an avoidant partner? This episode is about self-respect, emotional safety, and learning how to stay connected without losing yourself. We explore: Running into an ex and how to handle it Letting go after a breakup (especially when it ends abruptly) Scarcity vs. abundance in dating Emotional cheating and betrayal Compromise vs. self-abandonment Defensiveness and where it comes from Boredom in relationships Giving avoidant partners space Conflict over household structure If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re asking for too much — or settling for too little — this one’s for you.

Love doesn’t disappear - it changes. In this episode, John Kim explores the stages of love, from early fantasy to real connection. If you’ve ever questioned the spark, the shift, or the “middle” of a relationship, this will help you understand what’s normal, what’s real, and what’s worth building. This is a conversation about choosing depth over fantasy - and learning what real love actually asks of us.

John sits down in Costa Rica (yes, literally in a golf cart) with two therapists — Vanessa Bennett and Madeleine Downey — for a “therapists are humans too” episode built around questions you’d ask in therapy… that end up turning into real-time revelations about identity after 40, emotional safety, and what we stop tolerating once we’ve lived a little. This conversation lands especially hard if you’re in that season of life where you’re asking: Why doesn’t the old version of me fit anymore? and What do I actually want now — in love, in friendship, in myself? Inner Compass Academy (Next cohort starts Feb 15, 2026) Apply Here: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy If you apply, make sure to mention you were referred by The Angry Therapist Podcast - and if you’re approved, you’ll get $100 off.

Many people reach a confusing moment in their healing journey: they start dating healthier partners… and suddenly desire feels flat. Calm feels boring. Chemistry disappears. In this solo episode, John Kim breaks down why this happens - and why it doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with you.If you’ve ever wondered whether you can rewire attraction without forcing yourself into a relationship that doesn’t feel right, this conversation is for you.

What if the hardest part of healing isn’t pain — but joy? John Kim talks with Dr. MC McDonald about grief, intimacy, self-trust, and the quiet ways we hide when connection feels unsafe. MC shares why joy has been the hardest emotion to let in, and how learning to feel safe again changes everything. A grounded, human conversation about healing while still figuring it out.

Some of the hardest questions we bring into therapy aren’t about what happened — they’re about why it hit so deeply. In this episode, we explore the quiet, uncomfortable moments many people struggle to name:the anxiety between dates, the sudden loss of attraction, the grief that feels bigger than a divorce, and the confusion of wanting connection while needing boundaries. These aren’t dramatic relationship crises — they’re quiet inner conflicts that many people carry alone. Naming them is often the first step toward clarity, self-respect, and emotional safety. If any of these questions sound familiar, this episode is for you. Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE

In this episode, John Kim shares a simple moment from the ocean that became a powerful lesson about relationships and emotional repair. While learning to surf in Costa Rica, two very different encounters in the water reveal why ruptures are unavoidable—but repair is everything. One moment of anger leads to disconnection. One moment of acknowledgment leads to instant safety and ease. John also shares details about his upcoming surf retreat in Costa Rica—a space to slow down, regulate the nervous system, build real connection, and experience the healing power of the ocean together. A reminder that the strength of any relationship isn’t measured by how little we rupture—but by how willing we are to repair.

What if the problem isn’t that you haven’t found your purpose — but that you’re trying to find something that was never meant to be found? In this episode, John sits down with Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, co-creators of Designing Your Life, to explore a radically relieving idea: There is no final version of you. Instead of chasing meaning, purpose, or fulfillment as a destination, Bill and Dave invite us to see life as a process of becoming — and meaning as something we practice daily, not achieve once. This conversation is for anyone who feels behind, unfinished, or quietly exhausted from trying to “figure life out.” You don’t need a breakthrough. You need a reframe.

Do you find yourself giving more, waiting longer, explaining harder — just to keep love alive? In this episode, John Kim reflects on overgiving, emotional boundaries, and the quiet ways we abandon ourselves in relationships. Recorded in Costa Rica, he uses lessons from surfing to explore why love shouldn’t feel like anxiety, confusion, or constant effort. Inspired by the idea of “Let Them,” this episode offers a necessary reframe: there are some things you simply should not let people do. This is a reminder that protecting your heart isn’t selfish — it’s essential. Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. Sign up HERE

You didn’t marry the wrong person — you’re just in a stage of your relationship. In this episode, John Kim sits down with attachment expert Thais Gibson to break down the six stages of a relationship — and why so many couples get stuck thinking something is “wrong” when nothing is actually broken. We talk about: Why attachment styles are not labels, and how they can be rewired The difference between dating, honeymoon, and the power struggle stage Why most couples struggle after the honeymoon — and how to move forward How early conditioning shapes adult relationships What healthy long-term love actually looks like If relationships have ever felt confusing, discouraging, or overwhelming, this episode gives you language, context, and relief.

Some of the most important questions we carry are the ones we’re afraid to say out loud — even in therapy. In this episode, John answers real, vulnerable questions about self-worth, dating, anger, emotional safety, and long-term relationships. These are the thoughts people whisper to themselves at night, hesitate to bring into the room, or feel ashamed for having at all. This conversation isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about slowing down, telling the truth, and understanding what’s really happening beneath the surface. Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. Sign up HERE

A year ago, on January 7th, my house burned down. This solo episode is a reflection on what that loss revealed — not just about grief, but about meaning, identity, and the quiet permission to live differently in the second half of life. I talk about the difference between a house and a home, what it means to lose community, and why starting over isn’t always a failure — sometimes it’s prescribed. From standing in the ashes of my cul-de-sac to building a slower, more intentional life in Costa Rica, this episode explores how tragedy can become an act break instead of an ending.  This episode is for anyone who feels tired of grinding, restless in their current life, or quietly sensing that the second half deserves a rewrite. You don’t have to burn your life down to change it — but sometimes life lights the match for you. If you listen to this podcast, I’d love to hear from you. Email me your thoughts: theangrytherapist@gmail.com Host Links & Resources: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for

In this reflective, unscripted conversation, John Kim speaks with therapist and yoga teacher Daniel Stewart about consciousness, ego, and authentic living. Daniel shares how a life-altering experience reshaped his relationship with presence, stillness, and inner truth. Together, they explore ego death as a doorway to growth, why slowing down matters, and how conscious awareness transforms the way we live and create. A grounding episode for anyone seeking a more intentional, meaningful life.