From Mourning To Morning

People like to be kind and compassionate, so when you lose a loved-one, they want to comfort you with words that will somehow make you feel better. Unfortunately, they were never taught how to do this properly, so they end up saying the wrong thing. Our friends never learned what they should say, so they say what they shouldn't say, and that makes us feel even worse. br Please e-mail me with the worst comforting words you have heard, and w will discuss them. br Also, e-mail me with suggested topics. I can talk forever, but I'd rather talk about what you want me to talk about. The first five comments and suggestions will receive my book GPS FOR GRIEF AND HEALING as my gift. br rabbimel@griefok.com br Blessings, my friends!

You already know I love to talk! What you don't know is that I love to tell stories. This week I will tell you some of my favorite healing stories. Some are from my books, some were sent to me by you and other friends. Some will make you laugh, others will make you cry. But these stories are moving and real and filled with passion, and so I want you to hear them.

For several weeks, I have been teaching you what I know about grief and healing. br This week is your show. I want to know what you are thinking about what you are learning... br Consider the following questions: Have I been helpful to you? How so? Is there anything about how I teach that makes things easier or harder for you? What have I said that speaks to you personally? br Was anything I said hurtful? What have you disagreed with? Are there specific topics that you'd like me to address? br Have you shared this program with others? brbr YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT: please send me an e-mail to GRIEFOK@AOL.COM., SUBJECT LINE: RABBI MEL, with some of your questions, answers and comments. I. I will respond to some of those e-mails on the show, and depending on the volume, will later hopefully be able to respond to them all. I really want to know how I can improve what I say and how I say it. br Have you read my books yet? Go to Amazon, look for me and you'll find them there.

We have lots of feelings when our loved ones leave us. I believe the first, and perhaps most important, is shock. Even if yesterday we saw them in hospice or in the hospital, we are still in shock when the dreaded phone call comes. We will discuss shock, and its' partner, fear. Shock is not all bad (we all know people who react well right after an emergency, then fall apart later). Shock can free us or freeze us, and that is true of every single loss. And what are we really afraid of? How do we deal with the shock and fear, how do we move forward to healing? Tune in, you may be surprised.

Last week we began to compare the mourning process with the wandering of the Israelites through the desert. There is no official GPS for wandering. No map and no direct route. You try things out, you meander, you experiment, and see what works for you and what doesn't. Nobody wanders like anybody else-we each find our own path. br But I have some helpful suggestions for wandering. They worked for me and I am hoping they will work for you too. br We will complete our list (there are 14 steps, this week we will begin at step #7, and complete the list. Steps 1-6 are in last week's episode. br The most important lesson of wandering: whatever you do is normal. Do not ever judge yourself. If it brings you comfort, it's right for you. br See you Thursday.

I am Rabbi Mel Glazer, and this is my first show. I am delighted to be your host. I will introduce myself and you will get to know me a bit better. Then I will begin to teach what I know about grief and healing. I will ask and answer the questions: what is grief all about? What is the goal of mourning? My answer may surprise you, because it has little to do with the one who died. It has to do only with you! I will tell a Zen story and you will immediately understand how I hope you might begin to think about grief. Lots of different losses in our lives. Death, divorce, pet loss, loss of a relationship, weddings (yes, I mean that!) and many more. We have lots of work to do, I look forward to speaking and teaching and learning together. Finally, I am a Rabbi, but that has nothing to do with grief. Grief has no religion, it is an orphan that affects believers and non-believers alike. Tell your friends that The Grief Rabbi is coming, invite them to join you.