From Mourning To Morning

I don't remember who said it, but there is a comedian who once said: 'I'm not afraid of being dead, I am afraid of dying.' And it's the truth, isn't it.... But there is help on the way, in the form of -mostly- women who call themselves 'a doula.' They are like a midwife to the dying and to their families. They do not take the place of hospice nurses, rather, they take care of those who are dying. They help the dying navigate the journey from this world to the next, they comfort the dying and they assis the family in whatever will be helpful. My guest this week is Shelby Kirillin, a doula who lives in Richmond, VA, and who was the recent subject of an interview in the Richmond Magaz. She will enlighten us, comfort us and strengthen us, so that the dying experience need not be so scary. Shelby even laughs with the dying and their families, and you will learn why when you join us this Thursday night. I look forward to your being with Shelby and me on 'From Mourning to Morning.' Rabbi G

We have been talking a lot about death, and this week we will get the view from the hospice nurse herself. Emma is caring and compassionate, you will learn much from her.

Yes, when they die, we grieve them. But we're not done grieving. At the next birthday arty or anniversary or Christmas dinner or Passover seder, we grieve the empty chair, and we grieve all over again. In fact, we will grieve their looses forever. Let's talk about it this Thursday. 5PM PST From Mourning to Morning

So, does anybody in your family know your wishes for when you die? Or before you die? Do you want the doctors to keep on trying to save your life no matter how many tubes they stick into your body? Or is there a point where you will have had enough, and want to just have everyone leave you alone and let you die? Burial or cremation, which do you prefer? Do you have life insurance? Pension? Valuables? Does your family know the bills are? And how you pay them? What about inheritance-who gets what piece of art? You have to have the conversation when you are of sound mind mind, who knows when the time will come? My guest, Harriet Warshaw, is Exec. Director of The Conversation Project. She and I will begin to sort these things out, so you will be able to have the conversation while you're still around. Listen in, and invite your family and friends. TH July 21, 2016 ,at 5PM PST. Call in? 888 346-9141 Blessings, Rabbi Mel

Okay, my friends, this week we are going to talk about suicide. Married family, having problems, he is a drug addict. He OD's, either on purpose or accidentally, and dies. On his living room couch. The body was found by the children. Can you imagine the pain and crying and grief that affected the family? Of course you can. But...now here's the secret. His wife, still legally married to him, is angry as hell that he did what he did. Now she has the two kids (6 and 4) all to herself. Money is a problem, and she doesn't know where to turn. Yes, she is extremely angry at him. Of course, it's hard to say that to anyone beside your clergy. We have talked plenty about it. And...she is also now free! She can be whomever she wants, she can stay in town, she can move. Her options are unlimited. Angry. Free. What would you do? Write me and tell me---rabbimel@griefok.com. Or call me on the show--888 346-9141. Look forward to being together Thursday night, 5PM PST. From Mourning to Morning.

So Papa dies, the funeral home comes and picks him up from the hospital/hospice, and you don't see him again until (maybe) right before the funeral. Or, you pay a cosmetologist to make him up so he looks like he's not....dead, and his coffin is open for you to stare at. How does this process, in which you take no part, help you to grieve his death? Well, maybe there's a better way: maybe you bring Papa home, and you prepare his body yourselves (yes, you can wash his body at home), then he stays with you until the funeral. Which you take care of, not the funeral home! I know, it's different and more than a little scary. But being with Papa from death to funeral means you can sit with him and talk to him and forgive him and apologize to him. At 2AM, if that's what you want to do. Our guest, Lauren Carroll, is a Home Funeral Educator in Colorado Springs, and she will explain all this to us. She is compassionate, loving and caring, and she will give us lots to think about.

So far, we have been talking about the loss of a loved-one. But what about the loss of a less-than-loved-one? Someone who used to share our lives, our kids, our friends? Divorce can be an awful experience. It can shatter lives. And life is now different-where do the kids sleep during the week and who gets them over the weekend? Who cooks the meals, who arranges playdates? Who goes to school conferences? And the parents, once joined together by love, now what? Their friends now have to make choices-I'll be his friend, not hers. She doesn't get invited to social events anymore, because her girlfriends don't want their own husbands to look too hard at the divorcee? Can the formerly married retain a civil relationship with each other, or are they nasty and vindictive? Can you be friends with your former wife/husband? This is a great time for you to call in and talk about your own experience. Others will learn from you. Question: how do you make divorce work? Call me-888 346-9141.

Well, we know that we think differently, but do we grieve differently? I don't know either, but my guest Shawn Doyle, does. He has written about it and spoken about it, and I can't wait to hear what he has to say. This matters a lot. Because, if I know that if a woman has suffered a life-loss, I can better understand what she needs in the way of healing and consolation. The same with a man. So come and listen and learn with me. br I look forward to your being with me this Thursday at 5PM PST on From Mourning to Morning.

When a loved one die, we cry, we get lonely, we are afraid to move forward. br What about when a pet dies, what happens then? Come and learn with Judy Wright, known as Auntie Artichoke. You'll find out why she calls herself that, and what an artichoke has to do with the death of a pet. br Come and listen and invite your friends. br Till Thursday...

Until I met my guest, Rev. Dr. Ahriana Platten nine years ago, I had no idea what Unity was all about. We have been close friends ever since, and I invited her to explain their unique theology to us. br How does Unity deal with death? What happens to the soul? The body? Is there an afterlife? Death rituals? What happens at funerals? What does mourning look like? br We Jews and Christians are mostly familiar with each others' customs, since we have been present at funerals and other ceremonies. On this episode, we will learn a different way of being spiritual. br Come listen to Ahriana teach us, she is delightful and kind and empathic and funny. You will learn much! br Blessings, Rabbi Mel

Okay, here's a list for you, tell me the common denominator: br Prince br Nancy Reagan br Abe Vigoda br Boutro Butrous Ghali brbr What's the answer? They all died in 2016 (and it's only May!). But that's not the real question, which is... Why do we mourn their deaths, even though none of us knew them personally? They weren't our parents or family members, or next-door neighbors. So why all the tears when they died? br Think about that, and if you want to talk on the air with me with your suggestion, I encourage you to call me at 888 346-9141. br Till Thursday, br Rabbi Mel

So let's say you meet someone in a restaurant or in a store, and s/he asks: so how are you feeling? Or: what are you doing this weekend? Now, never mind that it's none of their business, but often after a life-loss, you just don't feel like talking about it. Even with friends. br This week I will speak about how to feel less awkward when talking to your friends. There will be practical suggestions as well as my own commentary on the topic. br Come listen, and invite your friends. br Want to call and ask a question during the show? 888 346-9141 Don't be afraid... Send me an e-mail? rabbimel@griefok.com br Blessings of peace to you and your family.

So you go into the back room at Panera's and you sit down with other people who have suffered a life-loss. And then you talk to each other over tea and cookies about death. Not dying, but death. br Sounds weird, no? But Death Cafes are happening all over America, and my guest Lizzie Miles hosted the very first one in America in 2012. br She is a multi-interest woman, the author of Somewhere In Between: The Hokey Pokey, Chocolate Cake and The Shared Death Experience, and lots of blogs about death. I just read her blog called: Does Jesus like chocolate? Not only is it poignant. It is truth in poetry, and I am delighted to have her as my guest. br Got a question during the show? 888 346-9141 E-mail me at rabbimel@griefok.com br Bring your friends!

So what do you do when you cannot care for Mom at home? It's jut too much for you. The doctors tell you she needs more meds, and you are exhausted from spending all day caring for her and worrying about her. br Well, hospice is the answer. Either she can stay home and the hospice team will visit several times a week, or you can move her to a hospice. br Dr. Kate Raphael works at Pikes Peak Hospice here in Colorado Springs. I will interview her and ask her questions about hospice-what it is, how it works, and anything else. br If you have any questions for Dr. Raphael, please call during the show at PLEASE FILL IN THE NUMBER, THANKS!) br Come and listen and invite your friends!

When my Daddy died, my brother, sister and I were not allowed to attend his funeral. I suspect that was because our adult family members thought we couldn't handle it. And they were worried that we would be traumatized forever, and have bad dreams forever. They did love us, as they wanted to protect us. Well, they didn't. br Now, we understand these things much better, and we normally bring our kids to the funeral and the cemetery. We want them to know that death is a normal part of life, and we do not want to exclude them from the family at such a major event. br I will share some info from a NY Times article, and (as always) give my commentary. br Please join me, feel free to call during the show PLEASE PUT IN THE PHONE NUMBER, THANKS! to share your own comments and experiences. br Come by, and invite your friends.

Most of us are afraid of death: we don't want to talk about it or hear about it. And especially, we do not ever want to touch a dead body and prepare it for burial. Death scares us and makes it more difficult to prepare for own death, as well as the deaths of our loved ones. br My guest is an up-and-coming funeral director, Caitlin Doughty. She is blazing new trails in the area of dealing compassionately with death and burial. She is at the beginning of change and transformation, and she and I will discuss these issues. Read about her and you will be as impressed as I am. br I look forward to Thursday night. Please listen to us speak about not feeling so afraid to deal with death. br You will feel better after Caitlin and I chat.

As you may remember, my Daddy died two days before my 12th birthday. I remember him, sort of.... And then, as I have shared with you, the real shock begins...not only did he die (and who knew what that meant), but he's not ever coming back. So I had to re-mourn him all the time, even till now. When you're 12, you mourn in a different way than when you're 20 or 40, or like me, 69. So I will share and comment on some lessons that hopefully will help you as your life moves forward. br And then, more comments about what death teaches us about life. Which is, of course, the whole point. br Tune in, invite your friends. I have listeners from all over the world, and that honors me a lot. See you Thursday! br Rabbi Mel

Your doctor tells you that your bloodwork has shown massive to your body, and you won't last long. So how are you feeling today? ask your friends. What do you say, how honest are you with them? Do you tell them the truth, and will they really care? Do you say fine, and feel like you're lying? And what can others do for you? Do you want to talk about it or not? I look forward to being with you.

This week, I want you to call me so we can talk. Here are some questions for you to ask, or ask me anything else that I have talked about. br CALL ME AT: 888-346-9141. Don't be afraid, no one can see you, and I will take good care of you... br ASK ME THESE QUESTIONS OR ANY OTHERS: br 1. What has helped you heal the most? br 2. If you don't feel you have healed, what do you think should be your next step? br 3.What do you miss about your loved one? br 4. Does the death of your loved one cause you to think about your own death? br 5. Where do you think the soul goes after the body dies? 6. What is one thing on your bucket list before you die? br 7. Do you want extraordinary measures at the end of your life, meaning more drugs and painful blood-draws, or will you tell your loved ones to let you go when the time is right? br 8. What if you never had to die, would that be better or worse? br 9. Do you need to forgive someone before you die? br 10. Ever had a near-death experience? br CALL ME AT 888 3

Because death is so scary for most people, superstitions are created. These superstitions try to protect us, so that death will leave us alone. Come and hear some famous superstitions, and I'll try to explain them in a rational way. No need to be scared, just trust me...