Solo Parent Society

Redefining family after divorce, loss, or transition is challenging, not only because of hurts experienced but because there’s no exact road map for every situation. Family dynamics are complex, no matter how we became single parents, whether through death, divorce, unplanned pregnancy or anything else. Relationships without former extended family, our ex-in-laws, becomes an even more complicated road. One thing we need to keep in mind as single parents is that although we have lost spouses and relationships, our children never do. Those extended family members will always be part of their (and our) lives. Navigating these relationships is tricky and internally conflicting. Depending on where we are in these relationships, the process of moving on to a new normal as single parents is complex. Redefining family community looks different for all of us because our experiences are different. Some single parents are grieving a change in family community. Some are rebuilding a family community. Some are relieved t

A common experience we hear about often from single parents is codependency. “Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, underachievement. A core characteristic is an  excessive reliance on other people’s approval for a sense of identity. It can be a serious condition that wrecks relationships often unseen or identified until it’s too late.” Codependency hurts us because we are never meant to be the end all for somebody else and it hurts them because they end up becoming entitled or reliant on others for their own happiness.  Grammy nominated musician and mentor, Paul Colman, shares his wisdom, strength and experience after learning some hard lessons about himself and about codependency during divorce. Paul started therapy after his wife asked for a divorce over ten years ago. The process was challenging, but through it, he learned he struggled with codependency. Wanting approval from others

Finding peace after divorce, during change, or life transition is difficult. How can single parents manage the chaos of crisis and find peace in the midst of this?  For insight, we talked with Dr. John Delony,  a mental health expert and leading voice on emotional wellness with extensive experience in crisis response. For the full show notes click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/23/a-sound-mindset/

Finding peace while we are in the middle of the pain can seem impossible but when we get in touch with the gift of our whole heart we also find peace.  Chip Dodd, counselor, mentor, speaker and best-selling author, shares how embracing our emotions leads to wholeness and peace. In his book, “Voice of the Heart”, he invites us to begin to know our hearts better so we can know ourselves and from that place, live more fully in relationship to God and others. Chip says a broken heart is a heart that needs something, it’s a heart that needs healing and rebuilding. When we bring our broken hearts to God, He promises to bind them together again. He wraps his love around the broken places and bring healing, peace and wholeness. For the complete show notes with links and resources click - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/16/peace-and-the-gift-of-our-emotions-whole-heart/

“My name is Stacy. I’m a single mom of two. I just wanna feel and be content. Especially in the world of social media, I struggle with having to see everyone’s picture perfect life on the screen. Somehow I feel like I got cheated and its hard for me to live in the moment and feel content.” Can you relate? Peace. How do we find it in our world of comparisons and the challenges of being a single parent? Contentment is a pathway to peace… but, that sounds like a tall order. Our team of solo parents met to talk through how we can find peace even when inundated with “highlight reels” on social media and the constant pursuit of more and better. Sometimes our fear and loneliness fuels our discontent and discontentment destroys our peace. We hear that comparison is the thief of joy. It’s hard to go anywhere without feeling like you’re not good enough or don’t have enough, particularly when you feel like your family doesn’t fit the norm. After the upheaval that led to becoming a single parent, our hurts can lea

“With COVID, job security, and finances I just wonder how everything is going to work in the future. I know that God’s got this, but I just can't help but worry.”  These are the words of a single dad. Have you been there? Are you there now? When you have so much going on as a single parent, life can seem like a journey to survive instead of to thrive. How can single parents have hope for the future in midst of their daily grind and the concerns we face raising kids alone? Worry is something we all experience at one time or another, sometimes regularly. The future can be scary, and that fear is compounded because we are doing it alone. Add in the pandemic and current events, and it can be overwhelming. But there are ways to deal with worry even when our anxiety peaks. How do we find the peace God promises us that passes all understanding while wondering if we can pay the bills this month and managing all the tasks on our to-do lists?  For the complete show notes and links click here - https://soloparentsoc

Let’s face it - a soured relationship is what put us in this difficult situation we are in. As Solo Parents many of us have experienced betrayal, rejection and we are very aware that we have failed at successful marriage relationships. The idea of thinking about working on ‘relational growth’ may bring feelings of ‘I've seen that movie before, no thanks’. We can tend to resist anything that requires trust, extensive time and ‘putting ourselves out there’ to potentially get hurt again. The problem is that we are made for community. As tempting as it is to isolate and keep the walls up it is critical to grow healthy relationships. Growing healthy authentic relationships are a cornerstone to a healthily Single Parent. To read all the show notes and insights from this week's podcast go to https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/05/26/relational-growth/

On today’s episode, hosts Robert Beeson and Kimberley Mitchell, talk with financial expert, Dave Ramsey about personal growth. Personal growth can seem like a far-off goal when our lives have been turned upside down. Dave shares what personal growth looks like for him and what it can look like for solo parents too. Dave went through his own “shattered season” when his business went bankrupt, but he allowed that to shape his future. Now, he's on over 500 radio stations, he’s a bestselling author, and he’s a household name. Yes, our lives can feel shattered, “But,” Dave reminds us, “good things can come out of manure”. Things like bankruptcy and divorce are an ending but they are also a beginning. “You can’t go back, so all you can do is learn, get better, and go forward.” Dave says personal growth is about using the rear-view mirror to glance behind us we don’t make the same mistakes again, but to use the windshield more, so we can move toward new things intentionally. We can’t always choose our circums

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A COVID-19 CRISIS EPISODE

Single parents often face financial insecurity. Finding a place of stability takes time, especially after divorce or other unforeseen circumstances. In today's podcast, Robert Beeson and Kimberley Mitchell talk about ways solo parents can find financial stability. For solo parents around the country, finances are a huge stressor. Paying the rent and bills is a struggle complicated by child support or the lack of it. Sometimes we rob Peter to pay Paul and the unknowns can be terrifying. Our security isn't found in money, but money issues can cause us to feel insecure. Ultimately, God is our Provider but being wise about money is essential. So how can we, as solo parents, move toward greater financial stability? There are three ways. 1. Budgeting: You can't spend what you don't have. The principles from Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University are a terrific framework for greater financial health. Creating a zero-based budget is the first step. A zero-based budget means you only spend what you earn so start by

In today's podcast, we deal with the topic of wholeness as part of our stability as single parents. Wholeness is defined as the state of being unbroken or undamaged but being a single parent can leave us feeling devastated and less than whole. It's especially challenging after some of our experiences and while feeling added pressure to have it all together for our kids. On today's podcast, Solo Parent Society founder, Robert Beeson, podcast co-host, Kimberley Mitchell, and single mom, Marissa Lee, discuss wholeness as something we find not in spite of brokenness but because of it. This may seem counterintuitive but brokenness can actually serve us well when we let God transform us through it. How do we do that? We need to anchor ourselves to Him and then wait for Him to repair and transform us. Anchoring: The act of dropping an anchor is an active process that requires knowing where you are. You can't lower an anchor in mud. It has to be dropped somewhere it will actually hold. As solo parents, we may find ou

Co-parenting can be so challenging - especially when the values and boundaries are not shared between the parents. Unfortunately, it is our kids that get the short end of the stick when our parenting dynamics are unhealthy. We discussed this with Tammy Daughtry, a marriage and family therapist, author, and founder of Co-parenting international. Tammy's basic co-parenting principles involve paying attention to: 1. The 'Handoff' This is how we manage the exchange of the child. (which will happen hundreds of times in a child's life) It can be volatile or even just a convenient time to discuss co-parenting business. Agree to never talk about co-parenting issues during the handoff. Children are always watching, and we want to make this exchange tell a story that things are ok; they don't have to be emotionally torn apart. To do this effectively we: Prepare our child for the exchange - Don't ever express frustration about the other parent when getting ready. Be the encourager about the opportunity to spend time w

Today is Tuesday, March 17. We are entering uncharted territory here in the US and certainly around the world. The President has declared a State of Emergency in our country, and we all know the complications that has and is presenting. When you are already struggling to get by as a single parent and the country is thrust into emergency, we know it can be scary, and an advanced sense of isolation can set in. So we wanted to gather some insights and tips to help you and your kids cope in this time of unknowns. How do we help our kids? (DETAILS HERE) 1. Do your homework - be the source 2. Let them lead - they are getting lots of info, so ask, "tell me what you have been hearing" through social media, friends. Let them establish what they are ready to hear. 3. Tell age-appropriate truthful answers - be the trusted voice in their life. ie. "I will always tell you the truth." 4. Find the helpers in the situations. Every crisis has them. This helps shape a positive way to look at things. (first responders, doc

Parenting alone can feel overwhelming especially with strong-willed kids who test limits. We know consistency is important but what can we do when our kids continually test boundaries? We talked with parenting expert Dr. Meg Meeker, a leading authority on parenting teens and children's health, bestselling author, pediatrician and a mom. Here are her baseline tips: 1. Don't feel like you have to be both parents. You are only one person. That's enough. 2. Parents need to intentionally find ways to have one on one time with their kids every week. Connect. Look them in the eye. Ask them how life is and listen. 3. Timing matters. Give your kids space after school or athletic practice. Bedtime can be a wonderful time to connect. 4. Our approach matters too. Go in gently. Don't lead with correction. Sit at the end of the bed. Ask questions but don't demand feedback. Say, "I haven't seen you much this week. How's life?" 5. Keep going back. Your persistence lets your kids know you simply want their company. They will

Parenting alone can feel overwhelming especially with strong-willed kids who test limits. We know consistency is important but what can we do when our kids continually test boundaries? We talked with parenting expert Dr. Meg Meeker, a leading authority on parenting teens and children's health, bestselling author, pediatrician and a mom. Here are her baseline tips: 1. Don't feel like you have to be both parents. You are only one person. That's enough. 2. Parents need to intentionally find ways to have one on one time with their kids every week. Connect. Look them in the eye. Ask them how life is and listen. 3. Timing matters. Give your kids space after school or athletic practice. Bedtime can be a wonderful time to connect. 4. Our approach matters too. Go in gently. Don't lead with correction. Sit at the end of the bed. Ask questions but don't demand feedback. Say, "I haven't seen you much this week. How's life?" 5. Keep going back. Your persistence lets your kids know you simply want their company. They will

Quality time with our kids is important! But how do we manage it, especially as single parents whose time is already so limited? And, sometimes we feel added pressure to make the time together a big deal. It helps to consider that kids remember the time you spend with them much more than the things you do. A recent study in the Journal of Marriage and Family says the quality of time is much more important than the amount of time parents spend with their children. It isn't about endless hours spent together—it's about how you choose to spend the time that truly matters. So, how do we, as single parents, create quality time moments with our kids when time is one of our rarest commodities? We considered four ways to create quality time with our kids: Rituals: Build quality time into the normal rituals of daily life. Instead of trying to add in more activities, make the ordinary moments count. Routines:  Establish routines that become meaningful ways to show up for your kids while you're in the car, during m

Parenting is meant to be a team sport, but now we find ourselves having to do it alone. Often we ourselves already feel beat up, defeated, and even like a failure, so to parent from that position, with no checks and balances, can seem overwhelming. Knowing that parenting in and of itself is hard, we can find ourselves wondering, "How can I raise healthy kids on my own when it is designed to done as a team with my spouse.?" To address this pervasive fear, Solo Parent Society has pulled together 5 anchoring approaches to help raise healthy kids. These are not behavior modifiers for correction; rather, these are simple but profoundly helpful approaches to developing successful and healthy adults. Giving focus and deliberate effort to instilling these principles while our kids are in our care will better prepare them for their own enriched lives as adults. We call them our 5 R's: RELATIONSHIP This principle is paramount to all the others. We must teach (and model) the value and power of healthy relationships. Tea

As a single parent, sometimes we can feel like there's a wall between us and God because we believe we've failed and are a disappointment, so we see ourselves as unworthy. For some of us that have lost our spouse to death we may feel angry for God letting this happen. These things can lead to comparing ourselves to other people that seem to have it all together spiritually or otherwise. Here is the good news, knowing God's love can actually be more intimate during this solo season than in any other season, and it is the basis for everything we try to be about at Solo Parent Society. Here are the 3 areas of focus that we employ at SPS that help us encounter God's love. Confession Confession is expressing the good and bad - The doubts and praise. Ultimately it is about expressing with our mouths (or writing it down) our completely transparent and honest feelings. A few questions that might be helpful: How do you feel when you think about coming into God's presence? What do you think he may be disappointed in

As a single parent, sometimes we can feel like there’s a wall between us and God because we believe we’ve failed and are a disappointment, so we see ourselves as unworthy. For some of us that have lost our spouse to death we may feel angry for God letting this happen. These things can lead to comparing ourselves to other people that seem to have it all together spiritually or otherwise. Here is the good news, knowing God’s love can actually be more intimate during this solo season than in any other season, and it is the basis for everything we try to be about at Solo Parent Society. Here are the 3 areas of focus that we employ at SPS that help us encounter God’s love. Confession Confession is expressing the good and bad - The doubts and praise. Ultimately it is about expressing with our mouths (or writing it down) our completely transparent and honest feelings. A few questions that might be helpful: How do you feel when you think about coming into God’s presence? What do you think he may be disappointed in? P