Make Room For Sports

In our first of two half-hour episodes this week, we try to figure out what happened to Episode 737, which requires us to increase our CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS, develop a HEALTHY and SHARED META-NARRATIVE, and achieve EMOTIONAL and BEHAVIORAL RESOLUTION. Then we give America WHAT IT NEEDS: Simon's deep reportage on watching the Mayweather/McGregor fight at a movie theater with his father, his uncle's triumph at the Ironman Coeur d'Alene, an ESPN story about the NFL's CTE research project about jockeys, and the economic and gustatory disappointment of whiskey tastings. PLUS: Mike continues his desperate search for a moral relativism that permits him to watch football, Mikal keeps shouting the name Homer Jones, Dave breaks some college football injury news, and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!! Help us help you: @makeroom4sports on Twitter makeroomforsports@gmail.com

After lingering in pre-production for months, Dave's encouragement that Mikal write fan fiction about his two favorite b-ball bosom buddies, DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins and Rajon Rondo, became a no-brainer when the friends reunited on the New Orleans Pelicans this summer. The result is Part 1 of the untitled Rondo & Boogie fan fiction project, originally appearing at the end of MRFS Episode 736, but posted here as it's own stunning excerpt. To be continued...

In this micro-bonus episode, the MRFS team endorses Justin Bieber's Twitter, the Internet's second-ranked wellspring of uninformed sports musing. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

This week Simon is in the PENALTY BOX, so we replace him with Mike's nephew Eero, who considers the ethics of football, the politics of OJ Simpson's return to civilian life, and what's for dinner. Then, THE LAST BROS STANDING get into TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK, claim squatter's rights in SIMON'S RESEARCH CORNER, and parse the Chandlers. Plus: despite the recommendations of our fans and doctors, we spend ten minutes googling the names of professional athletes who attended the University of Florida, announce some astounding news about a forthcoming secret guest (Rick Fox), Mikal clarifies some clinical terminology, Mike's mom emails a correction and regret, we revisit our favorite Justin Bieber tweet, and we offer the FINAL WORDS on why Hillary Clinton lost and sending Kraftwerk songs in text threads. And then, in the last, hallucinatory five minutes, Mikal premiers chapter one of his Rajon Rondo/DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins fan fiction. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter LINK

Mike and Dave are OUT OF BOUNDS this week, but the gentle sports bros fight the war of attrition by enlisting expert Allison Miller. Basking in the BRIGHT LIGHTS of her knowledge, we journey deep into the woods of what matters most: How big is a soccer field? Are we allowed to enjoy the NFL? What is a tie? What's the deal with Sepp Blatter? Then, in our ONGOING DESPERATE ATTEMPT to avoid baseball, we inveigle Allison into giving us a bluffer's guide to soccer, which guide includes brief appendices on Eddie Murphy, The Spice Girls, the Britney Spears film CROSSROADS, a German language vocabulary pop quiz, memory palaces based on Matthew McCounaughey films, OJ Simpson Youtube clips, Bo Jackson Youtube clips, and of course Ali Krieger of the Orlando Pride. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter LINKS TO TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK Nick Zammarelli hit by own foul ball: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/minor-league-dh-hit-head-foul-ball-article-1.3393603 Jordan Montg

Dave returns triumphantly to America, Mike is behind a dumpster on an island near Seattle, and most importantly, we're joined by Hilary Plum, who drops TEN TONS OF KNOWLEDGE BOMBS. We cover literally every issue that matters: the physical difficulties of wiffle ball, the approximate length of a soccer match, the ethics of competing against your friend's mom, whether or not sports riots are fun, Kelsey Plum, Steph Curry's golf game, Kevin Durant's wardrobe, and Michael Jackson. We also GET SERIOUS about playground bullies, flops of many varieties, Ted Bundy, faking your own death, cartwheeling goalies, and the awfulness of the NFL's treatment of Colin Kaepernick. Somewhere in there Mikal debuts a new segment called NEW SPORTS WORD. Help us help you: Twitter @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports@gmail.com LINKS TO THIS WEEK'S TOP PLAYS: Kevin Durant wears Morrissey T-shirt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VlHj2P7eJY Stephen Curry plays golf: http://www.golf.com/tour-news/2017/08/06/tour-confidential-was-st

Mike's gone this week so I have to write the episode summary and I can't remember what we talked about. Dave's in an Icelandic hostel, Mikal's driving around his neighborhood for some reason and I'm just in my apartment, like always. We definitely talked about sumo wrestling for awhile and the Legends Football League and we became gradually more curious about tennis and soccer. Probably not one of our better episodes; I'm not going to try to oversell it.

This week, we flub and glug our way through the tall grass of the week in sports, but we also get to the BARE BOTTOM of some emotional trauma: Mikal and Dave mend fences in the wake of an argument about Malcolm Gladwell, Simon explains why he scrubbed us from social media, and we cover an important Mayweather/McGregor correction and regret from last week. Then we tilt our ears to the ground, the better to hear the Kyrie Irving trade rumblings, and we lose ourselves in the LEBRON QUESTION, the KAEPERNICK QUESTION, and the BOOGIE/RONDO question. At the end of it all, we offer the final word on how the gig economy will eventually render the Warriors irrelevant, predicting with TERRIFYING CLARITY how it will come to pass. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram World's deepest swimming pool: http://www.independent.co.uk/travel/y-40-deep-joy-the-worlds-deepest-swimming-pool-9751484.html MMA fighter throws up (very gross, do not watch): http://ftw.usato

Dave is drinking Finland's biggest Negroni, Mikal is waylaid in Costco, and Mike and Simon are more or less regular. FOR NO GOOD REASON we critique academic residencies from the right and ourselves from the left, but as is GOOD AND PURE we can only be ourselves, so we pass the time CRAPPING OUR PANTS about underwater welding, coral reef poetry, curling, and Mölkky, which means we are BOUND BY LAW to reflect on the relationship between DEEP PERSONAL SHAME and FROZEN YOGURT. After that--and only because of some TRULY DRACONIAN LABOR LAWS--we grin and bear it through the tediousness of the ESPYs, the Mayweather/MacGregor press tour hellscape, the moral difficulty of googling female tennis stars, Wimbledon specifically and in general, and Lonzo Ball.

Mikal is in his car and doesn't know where he is, but he knows WHERE HE'S GOING. Simon is back in LA (!), Dave is whispering in Finland, and the MRFS gang is MORE SERIOUS THAN EVER about flying insects at Wimbleton, tennis tantrums, Chris Paul's 2015 interaction with referee Lauren Holtkamp, and Dave's tiny Danish nemesis. We don't even CARE WHY but we press on towards a bunch of junk and stuff that orients us toward a endless horizon of TENNIS GOSSIP and laundry talk, which FORCES us to STRAP IN to a TOO-LONG chat about washer/dryer rights, Lonzo Ball's debut, Dave's SNEAK PEEK into American football in Finland, John McEnroe's big number fetish, racquetball in general, and badminton--all kidding aside. FINALLY, we lament the D to G tranfer of LEAGUES, and at the end end of it all we get to the bottom of Mikal's Gatorade's insobriety and the pychedelic qualities of reindeer urine. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

While Simon serves a one-week suspension, the rest of us shit talk him and eventually ENTER OUR SUSPSIONS about his identity as a Hollywood fimmaker INTO THE PUBLIC RECORD. We talk NBA free agency, which, frankly, is a bit of a snooze, but eventually we get our SEA LEGS under us and deliver the STRAIGHT DOPE about tennis dreamboats, which of us has the best voice, the history of the high-five, Mikal's Gatorade sobriety, and how Mikal should feel about Colin Kaepernick. Mike's shower curtain: https://www.amazon.com/Galaxy-Animal-Design-Polyester-Curtain/dp/B00Y2IDS96/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1499367999&sr=8-7&keywords=funny+shower+curtain Simon's shower curtain: https://www.amazon.com/Slothzilla-Shower-Curtain-Climbing-Animal/dp/B00I53704S/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1499367999&sr=8-4&keywords=funny+shower+curtain Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

After six months of SWEET ANTICIPATION, Mikal finally has cause to bring up Brook and Robin Lopez, the NBA's most famous set of twins. Mike wants to know if Mikal's friend liked his Lonzo Ball joke, Simon gets compared to Jimmy Butler and wants to know if that's praise or defamation, and we illuminate upcoming Connor McGregor/Floyd Mayweather fight. Then, at America's behest, we CRANK UP our SPORTS EXPERTISE to LEVEL 11 in order to bring you STRAIGHT DOPE on the way tennis matches are scored, which leads to a series of BONUS THESES about tennis grunts, ball boys, Steph Curry's mouthguard, grass vs. Klay, and other junk about stuff. Finally, we ask the tough questions about baseball and, inevitably, wind up talking about nipples. Plus: Mike admits he was once too embarassed to purchase boxing gloves, we (sorry) test the mechanical fortitude of the PROBLEMATIC SPEECH COUNTER, and much, much more!!! Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

Dave texts us some vibes in absentia but is otherwise ON SPORTS HIATUS AGAIN in the Nordic woods, so the original sports pals grit our teeth and serve up another JAM-PACKED hour of topical sports analysis: Mikal eats burritos on the beach, THE BOOK OF HENRY gave Simon a hangover, Rafael Nadal is the best on Klay Thompson, it's unethical to ask NBA players to stop throwing things in baskets during the offseason, LeBron James: Bladder Analysis, WIMBLEDON IS COMING UP and we know how to spell Wimbledon and Wimbledon does or does not include a free breakfast, and we enjoy the visual ASMR of hydraulic press videos live on the air. Plus: THE PROBLEMATIC SPEECH COUNTER, THAT'S FRIENDSHIP, LET'S GET SERIOUS, and much, much more!!! makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

The three founding SPORTS BROS convene a meeting of the original MRFS triumvirate and go WHOLE HOG on the week in "sports" "news": Steph Curry's air dump! The male stripper and chihuahua who performed at halftime at the Oracle Arena this week! And other junk! Then we spend ten minutes falling in love with Justin Bieber's sports tweets, permitting their obscure beauty to shine a light onto our own OFFICIAL PODCAST MISSION STATEMENT. Due to a complicated legal situation, we spend about ten minutes TALKIN' NHL HOCKEY, which, in a sinister twist, leads to an exchange in which Mikal declares he will only stop snacking on-air if Mike spanks himself. And then--more junk! Mike tells an embarrassing story about a late-night mistext involving "Whomp There it Is" by Tag Team, we fantasize about Grayson Allen having elective leg surgery, Mikal breaks some news about Charles Barkley, and Simon reports on Gatorade Gum, Big League Chew, and something he claims is real called Qwench Gum. We'll try harder next week. Help us

We gather around the Skype-glow in the cold light of Saturday morning to recap Game 4 of Calves/Boringers and chat about Dwayne Wade's outfit, the Warriors' PB&J situation, LeBron James' self-pass, Steph Curry's air dump, Draymond Green's phantom technical foul, and Zaza Pachulia's general terribleness. We also come up with a bunch of new nicknames for Iman Shumpert that are likely to shake you to your very core. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

The gang tracks down Dave, who calls in from Finland while on SPORTS ASSIGNMENT, and we get distracted for the first twenty minutes jibber-jabbering about Salibandyliiga (a.k.a. floorball) (a.k.a. we don't know what it is), curling, jai alai, eSports, and the USA Rock Paper Scissors League, the end result of which is our DEFINITIVE SETTLING of the issue of popular and unpopular sports whose participants have or do not have a sense of humor about the sports themselves. In the second half of the show, Mikal offers a heartfelt (?) admission that he is addicted to Gatorade, and we SOMEHOW, with no regard for our own basic BIOLOGICAL NEEDS, also serve up the final word on Shaquille O'Neal's 1999 dunk on Chris Dudley, the 1965 Koufax/Marichal/Roseboro kerfuffle, common Saved By the Bell plot points, Mr. Met's delightful obscenity, and Kevin Durant dunking on everybody. Then, AT LONG LAST, Mike offers his delirious Marxist perspective on sports viewing and we premiere Mikal's NBA Finals theme song, a Lynchian master

This week, Mikal is OUT RIDING FENCES, Simon is not sleeping well, Mike's headphones won't cooperate, and Dave has wifi problems: STRAP IN, AMERICA. Throughout this horrifying hour we pull the thread of America's SPORTS SWEATER and offer the final word on all the sports issues keeping you up at night: single-payer healthcare, LaVar Ball's brilliant hijinks, the Clinton campaign's downfall, the beards of the NBA finals, and President Erdogan of Turkey. Because of a court mandate, we also do TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK, LET'S GET PERSONAL, GUT FEELINGS, THAT'S FRIENDSHIP, and LITERALLY thousands of other segments. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

This week, Dave completes his METEROIC RISE from guest all the way to host because Simon is on sports sabbatical. The remaining GENTLE BROS wade through the shallow waters of the world's most pressing sports news and carry those matters through their own psychological fogs, the end result of which is a JAM-PACKED romp including many of your favorite segments: LET'S ANALYZE IT, LET'S GET PERSONAL, THAT'S FRIENDSHIP, and, of course, TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK. We spend half of the episode talking about Kevin Love and the other half Googling the names of hockey players. Also, this week features a white-hot MRFS listener-submitted theme song by the Ujj Family Band. DON'T MISS IT. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

We welcome our friend Norith Soth, who offers a taxonomy of lovable losers and helps us theorize what in the world happened to James Harden in Game 6. Then we ROLL UP OUR SLEEVES and educate ourselves about back surgery, Simon and Mikal's live WNBA experience, free throws in general, a whole bunch of other junk, and the week's TOP PLAYS. On the bright side, Mikal records while driving through a loud rainstorm, so this is by far our most relaxing and sleepable episode yet. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

Listeners: this is a strange episode. Mikal, who called out sick with the barfs, is guilted into calling in after we started, but his call causes Skype to splinter into several different conversations between or among random combinations of the four of us. Somehow, Simon managed to record a̶l̶l̶ some of them, and we've since spent what a pilot makes in a year in order to edit them into one dimension-busting hour of DEEPLY INFORMED "sports" "analysis," i.e. fifty-five minutes of HOOPS BLABBER that gives way to Simon's report on his night at a Muay Thai event at a Burbank hotel. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com