Harkpodcast

Eggnog Watch 2022 is well under way, and we're taking on another mission - to find some eggnog tunes to groove to while you scan those shelves. "Six Cups of Eggnog" by Larry Costa certainly sounds classic and celebratory, but may be more concerned with what's in the nog than the superlative drink itself. Thankfully, a visionary emerges to set us on the right path: "Time Travel Eggnog" by Eggnog Queen holds many important lessons for us, our listeners, and our list. The ranking music in this episode is - yup! - "Time Travel Eggnog" by Eggnog Queen.

Ian and Jam are back, baby, and IT'S FALL. So pull your scarves out of your closets, spice your pumpkins, and get ready to celebrate the High Holy Days. In honor of Rosh Hashana, we listen to "New Year" by Regina Spektor and "Intangible Things (A Hanukkah Song)" by Haley K. Turner.  This week's ranking music is "That Time" by Regina Spektor.

We're about to take a few weeks off, but before we do that, let's cover some listener requests! While not themed, per se, they both deal with the hustle and bustle of the winter holiday season. "Winona Ryder Hates Christmas" by Fake Shark Real Zombie is a song that takes its inexplicably silly premise seriously, while "At Last, I'm Ready For Christmas" by Stan Rogers deftly injects some sincerity into a silly-sounding scenario. The ranking music in this episode is "Dear Abby" by John Prine. Thank you to Scott and Knut for these requests!

Ian and Jam are back on their bullshit, celebrating a holiday you've never heard of with - what else? - Christmas music! It's World Elephant Day, so join us as we merely skim the surface of the world of elephant-related Christmas music with "I Want an Elephant for Christmas" performed by the Peter Pan Caroleers and "I'd Like to Have an Elephant for Christmas" by Hank Thompson. Our ranking music this episode is "I'd Like to Have an Elephant for Christmas" as performed by Goofy. You know, Goofy?

IT'S BIRTHDAY BOY'S CHOOOOIICCCE Ian's birthday is this week, and so he's choosing the songs! And he's going for top 100 candidate kinda shit with the (mostly) touching lyrics of "Grateful for Christmas" by Hayes Carll and the (totally) smooth sounds of "I Dream of Christmas" by Norah Jones. This episode's ranking music is "Purple Snowflakes" by Marvin Gaye.

Here we are, more than half way through 2022... and we haven't managed to add one dang Hanukkah song to the list! Ian and Jam remedy this with some seasonally appropriate warm weather Hanukkah tunes - "Hanukkah Hawaiian" by Regina Smoler and "Hanukkah in Santa Monica" (uh, no, not that one, a different one) by Mike Barnett and Allie Feder Kramer.  Our ranking music in this episode is, indeed, "Hanukkah in Santa Monica" by Tom Lehrer. Also, one of the hosts is soft-launching a new name. Can you guess which one???

We're half-way through the year and we're marking it the old-fashioned way - by discussing two songs of absolutely divergent quality! By request, we listen to the heavenly "Angels Blush" by Basia, and then drag ourselves to hell with "Honorable Congratulations" by the McGuire Sisters. Our ranking music in this episode is "Coco Jamboo (Christmas Version)" by Mr. President. Thank you to Jim for these requests!

This week, we're finally covering our oldest request on record - a song whose original (but non-thematic) pair was discussed on the show way back in February 2019. It's "Run Rudolph Run" as performed by Lemmy, Billy Gibbons, and Dave Grohl for the We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year compilation album. And what better way to welcome "Run Rudolph Run" to the list than to also cover the original by Chuck Berry? Our ranking music in this episode is "Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry. Thanks again to Thomas for the request!

I mean, what else were we going to do for this episode? 311 didn't leave us a LOT of options, so we had to go with "Mele Kalikimaka" performed by Nick Hexum. Then, for reasons, we listened to The Offspring's cover of "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)". This episode's ranking music is "Amber" by 311! Of course!

Inspired by the upcoming World Goth Day, we find a dark jewel in "Things Fall Apart" by Cristina. And then we kinda wander away from World Goth Day, with Ian instead leading RJ down a seemingly circuitous but actually quite straightforward route to arrive at "Christmas Time in the Motor City" by Was (Not Was). This week's ranking music is "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses!

We said we were going to do it, and we did it. It's an Arbor Day episode. But, you know, minus the dang trees. Maybe it's a belated Earth Day episode? Anyway, we discuss "The Holly and the Ivy" by Los Campesinos! and "Christmas Cactus" by Juliana Hatfield, and argue about the merits of medieval Jesus metaphors and extremely literal plant care tips. The ranking music in this episode is "Palmcorder Yajna" by the Mountain Goats.

Easter and Passover are all well and good, but this week we're celebrating the more traditional HARK holiday: 4/20, baby. We take another look at Snoop Dogg Presents Christmas in the Dogghouse and discover "Christmas in the Hood" by Daz Dillinger featuring Deacon and "Xmas Trees" by Kurupt. Weed on earth and good weed to men, y'all. Our ranking music in this episode is "When Was Jesus Born" by Lil Gee.

There's a diversity of springtime holidays on the horizon, and we're covering some songs about holiday inclusivity (and lack thereof)! By request, we take a listen to "The Christians and the Pagans", a 1990s Christmas/Solstice classic by Dar Williams, followed by "The War on Christmas", a YouTube-era satire by Hot Dad. Our ranking music in this episode is "The Ocean" by Dar Williams featuring John Prine. Thank you to Peter for these requests!

It started out with "Don't Shoot Me Santa". How did it end up like this? It was only "I Feel It In My Bones"; it was only "Dirt Sledding". Thank you to Phil the Killers Boy for these requests! Our ranking music in this episode is "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers.

This week we're looking at a request from many moons ago and revisiting one of RJ's favorite topics - muppets! Or at least, Jim Henson Company critters. "There's a Promise" from the Fraggle Rock holiday special and "Legend of the Winter Berry" from Bear in the Big Blue House both give us those warm, fuzzy feelings. This episode's ranking song is "Goodbye Song" from Bear in the Big Blue House. Thank you to paulsebert for suggesting "There's a Promise!" Thank you to Muppet Mindset for highlighting "Legend of the Winter Berry"!

In celebration of - or, well, tangetially related to - Presidents' Day, we've got two Christmas songs from musical groups with appropriate names! The Presidents of the United States of America offer us "Christmas Piglet", while Mr. President re-gifts their mid-90s eurodance hit in "Coco Jamboo (Christmas Version)". Our ranking music in this episode is "Peaches" by The Presidents of the United States of America.

Valentine's Day is approaching - the horniest holiday of the year! Well, maybe the second horniest. Ehhhh, at least top five. Anyway, we're talking about two horny winter holiday songs: "Holiday Freak Shit" by Mila J and "I've Got Some Presents for Santa" by Sarah Taylor & Bill Mumy! This week's ranking music is "Fish Heads" by Barnes & Barnes. There's a lot of curveballs in this one, folks.

In honor or Burns Night, we're discussing some holiday music by Scottish artists! First up, we're delighted to find a potential 21st century Christmas classic in "Santa Will Find You" by Phil Cunningham's Christmas Songbook Band. Then we enjoy the nostalgia for incredibly recent times induced by "New Year's Resolution" by Camera Obscura! RJ says "New Year Resolutions" instead of "New Year's Resolution" the whole episode, so listen: we know. Our ranking music this episode is "Piazza New York Catcher" by Belle & Sebastian. Thank you to David from Bristol for requesting "Santa Will Find You"!

A new year has begun, but we're starting with a throwback - we address our oldest remaining requests from back in the tumblr days of the podcast! "Christmas Eve Eve" by Paul and Storm extolls the virtues of a liminal-space-esque not-holiday with cheerful charm, while "Calling on Mary" by Aimee Mann offers mystery, melancholy, metaphor maybe, and surely other words beginning with m. The ranking music in this episode is "Christmas is Interesting" by Jonathan Coulton. Thank you to our anonymous listener (probably Julius Caesar) for these requests!

We made it to our last episode of 2021 (and a big round number of episodes/songs) and to celebrate, we're trying to unseat the top and bottom songs on our list! As per tradition, RJ & Ian surprise each other with their picks - and by coincidence, both have picked new versions of songs that we've covered on the show before! Will these improved/impoverished updates be enough to enter the list as one of our best or worst songs? Our ranking music this episode is "Christmas Carousel" by Peggy Lee.