Heartfelt Marriage

Family is the worst and best thing on earth. Family is the happiest and the saddest place you can be. Family is the sweetest and sourest bunch of people you’ve ever met. Family is rich and poor, strong and weak, heaven and hell. No matter what your family is like, it is worth every ounce of positive energy you can muster to make it good, make it safe, and make it happy. So, give it your all – a bucket of forgiveness, a truck-load of patience, and a train-load of love. Why? Because your family is worth it and sometimes, all you have is family. How to create a family that works together, plays together, and stays together is the subject of this podcast. Dr. Ross presents Three Ways to Actualize Family Unity. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Marriage counselors agree that if your spouse is your only friend, then your marriage may be fragile. Why? Because a good friend helps you survive the stress of married life. A good friend helps you live out a healthy and till-death-us-do-part kind of marriage. Do you have a positive, life-blessing friend outside of your home? If you do, then you already know how valuable – even indispensable a good friend can be! In this podcast, Dr. Ross takes a good look at what a good friend does and how important they are for a happy and healthy marriage. The podcast is less than 9 minutes long.

Have noticed that bored people seem to create the most drama – and it’s the nasty, negative tragic spectacle kind of drama that damages rather than entertains? Boredom in marriage inevitable. How do you solve it? With a little adventure! Adventure stirs up excitement and renews and strengthens the connections between husband and wife. In this Podcast, Dr. Ross shares five good reasons a little adventure (and sometimes a big adventure) is good for your marriage. He knows something about adventure in marriage as he and his wife spent several years living in Africa. He gives several examples of adventures from his five-decade marriage. The adventures you and your mate can enjoy do not have to be expensive, elaborate, or dangerous. This podcast reminds you to watch for signs of boredom in your marriage and recharge your relationship with a little adventure. Start by making sure you are not a boring person. Be interesting, be fun to be with, be adventuresome, and you will take your marriage from marginal to marvel

Which works best for you – a big deal honeymoon-like trip once every two or three years OR frequent delightful every-day expressions of admiration, appreciation, and love? Dr. Ross believes that most husbands and wives know that big deal events are exciting and memorable, but not nearly as important as the little daily things you do to bless your mate. The most successful basketball coach in history, John Wooden, was probably referring to basketball when he said, “It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.” However, in this podcast, Dr. Ross applies Coach Wooden’s words to marriage. Listen to his list of eight little things you can do to move your marriage from marginal to marvelous. He says, “If you want to create a big, beautiful marriage, start with the little, lovely, everyday things you can do along the way.”

Money issues are responsible for 22% of all divorces, making it the third leading cause of divorce, According to the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis. Are your finances marginal or marvelous? How do you talk to each other about money issues? Is it a fight where you blame each other for the high credit card debt, insufficient income, or money spent on hobbies? Or is it a problem solving, relationship building, home-strengthening dialog? In this podcast, Dr. Ross offers some common-sense suggestions to help you decrease the fussing about finances and increase the favor of a financially well-managed household. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Besides, “I love you,” the greatest message you can give to your mate is, “We’re in this together no matter what.” That kind of declaration, that kind of commitment, gets you away from blaming, or arguing, or neglecting, or ever running away when things go bad. If your family hasn’t been thrown off balance by tragedy, mistakes, or misfortune, watch out. It’s likely to happen in one way or another, today or tomorrow … ready or not.  For some, it will ruin their marriage. For others, it will cause long-term pain and sorrow. For some, it brings unforeseen opportunities. How do you get past the inevitable events of life that knock you off balance? In this podcast, Dr. Ross gives you four positive healing reactions that will help you survive the losses and sorrows your marriage is bound to face. Wherever happens in life, make sure that you and your mate are in it together. When both of you commit to having a mutually satisfying, emotionally healthy ‘til death do us part kind of marriage, even when things go terrib

When you got married, both of you had preconceived ideas about how you would act and what you would do around the house. In most cases, the wife learns how to be a wife and mother by watching her mother, and the husband learns how to be a husband and dad by watching his father. The problems come when the perceived role relationships differ between husband and wife. Think about your parents and the roles they fulfilled while you were growing up. Compare them to the roles of your mate’s parents. How do they differ? How are they similar? Is there a clear differentiation between their roles, or could they move into and out of roles as times and circumstances changed? What did they do to make family life pleasant? What did they do to make family life dreary? In this podcast, Dr. Ross points out that everyone in your home has a role to play, and those roles are not narrowly defined in western society. Men can do women’s work, and women can do men’s work. This way of operating a family is fraught with both great opp

Your marriage will go from marginal to marvelous if you do this for your mate: make your home a place of refuge, your relationship a place of trust, and your little kingdom a place of protection and hope. There are all kinds of storms out there – some caused by the weather, some caused by circumstances, and some caused by the people we live with. We want to feel safe and secure from all of the storms of life, and the most important place where we expect safety and security is the home. In this podcast, Dr. Ross calls every member of your family to do everything you can to make your home a place of refuge. He says, “When you come home at night, your heart should know that as you enter your driveway that once you get inside, everything is going to be alright. That someone will greet you with loving words, gentle touches, and full acceptance no matter the storms you’ve encountered throughout the day.” Agree? Of course, you do – so take a few minutes with your mate and listen to this podcast. It’s only 9 minutes

The word harmony has a variety of meanings. For many, harmony refers to music - a word that refers to notes of instruments and the sounds of voices blended for music that is pleasing to the ear. In the dictionary, the musical meanings of harmony are second to its reference to human relations – to agreement, cooperation, and tranquility. Apply those three words to your marriage: agreement, cooperation, and tranquility. Sound good to you too? Then listen to this podcast for Dr. Ross’s list of things married couples do to live in agreement, cooperation, and tranquility! In podcast # 67, Dr. Ross gave two of the three purposeful acts you take so you can have a marriage marked by harmony, beautiful proportion, and balance (he calls it emotional symmetry). The first purposeful act you take is to Treat each other equally. The second purposeful act you can take to create harmony, beautiful proportion and balance in your marriage is to Express emotions proportionately. In this podcast, purposeful act #3, is – Practice

  Wouldn’t you love to hear someone describe your marriage as one of harmony, beautiful proportion, and balance? “Well, duh!” I can hear you say. “Of course, but how can we get it In this podcast, Dr. Ross assumes you and your mate really really really would like to have a marriage relationship marked by harmony, beautiful proportion, and balance. Since that’s what you want, he wonders, what would it take to get it? You already know this: that kind of a marriage does not happen accidentally, it happens on purpose. In this Podcast Dr. Ross suggests three purposeful acts each of you can take that will move you toward a marriage marked by harmony, beautiful proportion, and balance. The podcast is only 9 minutes long.

How do you see your marriage? How close is it to the image you had when you said, “I do”? Have you and your mate ever talked about how you want your marriage to look and feel? It’s a challenge because two people who love each other can have disparate views of what a marriage should be. It’s not a bad thing to have differing views, but it can be a problem if you don’t know what your mate expects of you. Dr. Ross wants to help you move your marriage from marginal to marvelous. In this podcast, he suggests some heartfelt conversations that can (should?) happen between you and your mate. He says, “When you have such a discussion you discover what each of you wants and are willing to invest in your marriage. Then the good stuff happens!” You will love Dr. Ross’s list of “good stuff!” This important podcast will help you discover and create a shared vision for a mutually satisfying, emotionally healthy, till-death-do-us-part kind of marriage. This podcast lasts only 9 minutes.

Once married, emotional and real picket fences tend to box in even the most creative and life-loving couples. Suddenly or slowly, usually slowly, life gets complicated. Your world changes from being vast and interesting and colorful, to small, monotonous, and even disagreeable. You go from the joy of the wedding to the predictability and dreariness of everyday life. How do you keep that from happening or correct it when it does? Dr. Ross says it’s a matter of perspective. In this podcast, he shares two personal stories that make the point that we see precisely what we look for. He also asks, is your home peaceful or angry? Do you believe tomorrow will be dark or bright? What about your daily schedule, do you see it as chaotic or orderly? Perspective, Dr. Ross says, is what makes the difference. You’ll love this podcast because you already know that married life is darn hard to keep in the right perspective. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

In this podcast, Dr. Ross declares, “There is no one like you on earth! You are uniquely you.” Look around you; “average” hardly exists. There are many characteristics that make you different from everyone else: physical structure, intellectual capacities, personality expression, psychological distinctions, lifestyle preferences and much more. Also, you are the only person who can make any significant change in what you think, the way you look, how you talk, and the way you treat others. Dr. Ross makes the point in this podcast that, if you’re not perfect yet, you still have some fixing to do, and no one can fix you except you. No matter who you were or who you are, you can be more of the good person you really want to be.  Dr. Ross says, “Here’s the one thing I’ve learned in my five-plus decades on earth, I’m the only person on earth who can fix me. You can’t fix me, and I can’t fix you. Wife, you can’t fix your husband and husband, you can’t fix your wife.” All the answers to fixing your self are NOT in thi

Everything demands maintenance. Your car, your house, your body, and your marriage. Your car will eventually break down if it is not maintained. Your house will become dirty, dilapidated, and unlivable if not cleaned regularly. Your body will deteriorate even faster without proper diet and exercise. Perhaps, most importantly, your love relationship within your marriage will weaken and even fracture if not properly maintained. In this podcast, Dr. Ross introduces a series of podcasts (chapters) that will provide you with the tools, tricks, and wisdom to keep your love relationship in tip-top-shape!  He says, "Every husband and every wife at some time in their marriage have this relational AHA moment when they declare to themselves something like, 'If this marriage is going to be what we want it to be, it's going to take some work.'" The podcast is 9 minutes long.

There are four ways you magnify your love relationship and rise together in love! Two of them were shared in podcast number 61. They are, delight in each other's company - become each other's very best friend, and liberate your mate -  help them get past the bad stuff of the past and become all that God wants them to be. It was Part One of chapter 17 - the final chapter of Dr. Ross's Healthy Marriage/Hurting Marriage series. In this final podcast for the series, Dr. Ross presents two additional ways you keep love alive in your marriage and magnify your love relationship. The third way is to Forgive each other's foibles. Dr. Ross says, "Of all the gifts you can give to your mate, one of the best is the gift of forgiveness." The fourth way may surprise you - it's something you may have never considered, so be sure to listen to the podcast all the way through.

Every love story ends with "they lived happily ever after." But this "ever after happiness" involves much more than the loving stares, beating hearts, gentle touches, and adoring words exchanged when you met that special person. Now you're married and things have changed a little bit - sometimes a BIG bit. Dr. Ross says, "If you've been married for longer than a week, you know it takes an effort to live together in love, to keep love alive in your marriage." How do you maintain the thrill of each other's company after the first few days of wedding bliss wears off? How do you keep falling in love again and again and again as time goes by? In this entertaining and helpful podcast, Dr. Ross shares four ways you can magnify your love relationship and rise together in love. This is part one of a two-part podcast. Enjoy! The podcast is 9 minutes long.

Even the best lovers sometimes squabble. When they do, a discussion can turn into a debate and debate into a battle, and if allowed to, a battle can turn into an all-out war, and someone gets hurt. You don't want that to happen. You want to reconcile your disagreements and create an atmosphere of harmony and unconditional love. Dr. Ross says, "A happy and healthy marriage relationship is marked by mutuality, by a commonly held determination to achieve the oneness you dreamed about when you exchanged vows." To achieve that kind of harmony, a couple must relish in reconciliation and despise discord. The point is, reconciliation does not happen in a vacuum; you must make reconciliation a part of who you are. In this podcast, Dr. Ross discusses what it takes to reconcile your disagreements. Have pen and paper handy to take notes as he reveals what reconciliation relies on. The podcast is 9 minutes long.

  Many husband/wife relationship problems occur, not as a result of words or deeds that happen after the wedding ceremony, but the effect of injuries that came during childhood, adolescence, and some bad choices made along the way. Some of our wounds are so deep they are hidden from our view until someone, or we identify them and seeks healing. The good news is healing is possible! We can clean out the wounds, sew up the emotional laceration, let the cut heal. It may leave a scar, we may even be emotionally blemished, but we can still be the person God wants us to be. What's your wound? Where do you hurt? What caused your scars? In your marriage, are you helping each other heal? In this podcast, Dr. Ross says, "Your mate is wounded. You too have wounds. And so the mission for each of you is to help each other find healing for those wounds." The podcast is on 9 minutes long.

One way to combat complacency is to celebrate more often, after all, who doesn't like a good party, even if it is only a 20-minute stop at the Village Inn for a cup of coffee and a slice of Apple pie (ala-mode, of course)? Celebration is good for the soul. Life is wearisome, and praise is sporadic if at all. We need a few "at-a-boys," a frequent "you're awesome," and especially a sincere, "thank you." If you haven't done a little cheering, a little slap on the back, or a round of applause lately for the good things you do together or the kindnesses you do for each other, it's time to start again. In this podcast Dr. Ross presences three ways celebrations grow your relationship! He makes the point that not many things are better than a celebration, large or small, with the person (people), you love the most - your mate, children, family, and friends.

Do you and your mate laugh together? When you do, you draw closer together, the space between you diminishes, and the bonds strengthen that hold your marriage together. If you want more laughter and fewer tears in your marriage, this podcast is for you! Dr. Ross reveals three positive habits you can nurture that will decrease the sadness of tears and increase the joy of laughter in your marriage. The podcast is only 9 min.