Minute To Freedom

Have you ever felt like your gut is telling you something is wrong, but others are saying, "No, everything's fine," and you find it all very confusing? Growing up in an alcoholic family I was taught to doubt my intuition.

Have you ever thought you were in love with someone, only to discover later that you really just felt sorry for them?  I would find a woman who was in great turmoil, become involved with her and think I was "in love."  Really, I was embroiled in her chaos.

Have you ever gotten upset at something happening today, but you are more upset or sad than seems reasonable for the current event?  I experienced that a number of times, and discovered I was tapping into unresolved grief.

Have you ever experienced acting a different way in a group to be able to blend in? Growing up, I learned to be a chameleon, becoming whatever I thought people wanted, in order to fit in.

Has a situation ever made you feel like you were the small child in front of the teacher's desk, afraid you had done something wrong?   I learned that growing up with a Dad who was the ultimate authority, and I had to do whatever I could to appease him.

Have you ever felt like you could be loving toward others, but just couldn't give that same level of caring to yourself?  There's a Bible verse that says, you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself.  I always focused on the loving your neighbor part, sometimes neglecting myself in the process.

Have you ever felt like something was wrong in your life, but you just couldn't put your finger on what it was? One of my favorite sayings is "defining the problem is half the solution." As I connected my adult behaviors with the events of my childhood, everything began to make more sense.

Have you ever felt like you had to have things just so - that everything had to be perfect?  A good friend remembered as a teenager trying to fold his slacks perfectly - just so - on the hanger.

Have you ever felt like you needed thrills to keep your adrenalin pumping?  Actually needed the rush? I remember one time skiing so fast I could tell I had to stay on my skis or have a devastating injury.

Have you ever felt like the same issues or problems keep coming up over and over in your life?  With jobs, I would start out as the Golden Child at a new job, and somehow end up as the Black Sheep and eventually have to quit or be fired.

Have you ever found it difficult to face up to the truth about what is going on in your world?   I had to face that there was something really wrong with my life, and it was something I couldn't fix by force of will.

Have you ever felt like you were being too responsible?  Taking care of things that other people should be dealing with for themselves?  I remember taking on projects that other people should be doing, and then becoming resentful about the burden.

Have you ever felt like you couldn't count on anyone, that you had to do everything by yourself?  As a child, I learned that I should never rely on or need others - they would only let you down.

Have you ever had trouble standing up for what you needed?  Did you cave in to what others wanted, and give yourself up in the process?  I didn't stand up for myself when I needed to, and got into something that wasn't right for me.

Have you ever felt like people were crowding you, and you didn't know exactly how it happened, or what to do about it? As a child, I wasn't allowed to have my own space, and didn't even know I could.

Have you ever felt like it took a long time to be able to trust people?  And then - if that trust was broken, it was very hard to trust that person ever again? Sad to say, I had a pattern of pushing people away and then declaring them untrustworthy.

Have you ever felt like you were afraid all the time?  When I was a child, I remember sitting in my room feeling afraid.  I carried that fear mentality into adulthood, and discovered it was related to growing up in an alcoholic family, feeling the fear of what might happen when the drinking started.

Have you ever thought you just couldn't afford to make mistakes - you had to do everything just right? When I was growing up, I learned I had to do everything perfectly, or there might be unpredictable consequences.

Has it ever seemed like your world was going places you didn't like, but you didn't know how to change it?

Has it ever felt scary to think you might end up all alone?  That someone might have abandoned you forever?