Constant Mic

Dear Internet, Please find attached our new podcast. We've made it and pat it and marked it with 'B' - actually, we haven't. We've marked it with 'S2E4' as per our naming convention, so really the similarities with the nursery rhyme end there. But don't let that put you off! Where relevance to 17th century writers and indeed the evolution of ballad opera trails off, swearing and weiner jokes take over! And they're more than capable of steering the good ship Constant Mic, as I'm sure you by now know. This week, we tackle the big questions in life. Why do we blame the victims of crimes? How do we improve social housing for the homeless? Has Tim's forehead always looked like that? Are tiger penises blue? Seriously, is there something like genetically wrong with your forehead, Tim? This week, with Tim to the left of me and Michael to the right, here we are, stuck in the middle with podcast. EPISODE LINKS: Boris Yeltsin got really drunk. Alot. HTC Vive Official Site The hydraulic sofa kit, Immersit Elite Dangero

Ding dong merrily on high! In our podcast bells are ringing! Well, they're not, but we did record this back last December, so if you listen out carefully you may hear some faint echoes of the sort of borderline merriment that tends to occur during the festive season. LISTEN as we provide tech support to naked businesspeople. HEAR as Tim explains some surprising mis-presumptions about public toilets. LEND AN EAR while Michael decides never to make friends on the bus again. Of, if it suits you better, simply press play on your mp3 player, turn the speaker up to max and abandon our mumbling voices in the bus depot or animal enclosure of your choice. It really is up to you. In the meantime, there remains the question of all the articles and references made during our podcast. They're in here! This week Tim and Michael, Tim and Michael go together like a horse and podcast. EPISODE LINKS: Jews circumcise their children because of Genesis English people are confused by people who speak American Seven uses for Incogn

Good news! Michael is back on his feet after going back in to hospital and getting some pills and has been able to as a result deliver unto you the attached audio finery. Rejoice! This week we go back in time to before Michael got sick, to just after Halloween. We have a special guest Ian this week, called Ian, as you may have gathered. We'll be covering a variety of topics including the most efficient way to lose a job if you're called Ian, the best way to make love to a fish if you're called Cleetus and the best way to wear your armpit hair if you're called Sally. More importantly, we discuss why you shouldn't pull on your penis to try and make it bigger. It doesn't work like that. This week, kindly give us a Michael (Michael), give us an Ian (Ian) - and what's that spell? Podcast.   THE LINKS:Halloween turnips must have been biggerPeople have been watching zombies do itSomebody wants you to stand on a cake right nowThis medical journal has the deets on the kid with the fishweinerPeople thought this fi

Series two - or sizzle tizzle as it's known in the trade - is now a fact of life. Let us at Constant HQ be the first to let you know that we now exist in a world where series two is just a thing that happens sometimes. And it's happened. Right now. In front of your face.  This week, for your entertainment, we have elected to discuss in some detail the Playstation hardware you can get for your PS4. If that's not to your liking, kindly marvel at our understanding of Fallout hoodies, playing Super Mario 3 at work, making your ten year old daughter play Jupiter Lander and how to build a good bridge. We also get for-super-reals a little bit this week and pick up the topic of sexuality as an identity in the context of cooking utensils. What we're basically saying is we're starting strong on this one. This week and in this country, should understand that you gotta have the Michael first. Then when you get the Michael, you get the Tim. Then when you get the Tim, then you get the podcast. THE LINKS

The end of series one is nigh! Nigh now, like - right now. In fact, as of this podcast being uploaded, it's already been nighed. Nigh over, man. We say goodnight to our crazy first experimental series with a strange mix of bicycling advice, harrowing tales from our respective hoods and wang news. We think we have a format is what we're saying. So what have we learnt? Well Michael has said so long, it's officially forever - Michael is still here and Tim is going strong. Carl got edited out entirely (poor sod) and the other person is still too timid to mic up. We've learnt you can't trust a man alone with anything that might feel nice to put his penis on, how to walk up a mountain and where Mr Blobby came from. I don't think that's a bad tally for our first crack at this podcasting lark. Coming soon is our second series; please do click, tap or interact with the subscribe button in whatever way you are comfortable with in order to be automatically notified of this event coming to pass. In the mean time, pl

SPOILER WARNING: We talk about the ending to Brothers. If you don't want to hear it, we've got a copy of this week's episode in the bonus content with the spoilers edited out. If you haven't played Brothers, you probably don't want to be spoiled, it's a lovely game. This week we talk about our feelings. Especially in games like Limbo, Brothers, Mirror's Edge and Dead Space. So being upset, heartbroken, disturbed and horrified much in that order. We also talk about mountain walking for some reason, lasers in the context of parenting and why we've stopped stealing videogames. This week ran so damn long, we eventually decided to split it in to two episodes. So expect to see nothing by way of a hello at the beginning or a goodbye at the end. But we will put both in next week, promise. That will then be it for series 1. Our trial period is coming to a close and it looks like this will be something we at Constant HQ will keep squirting out over the internet like a squeezy bottle full of expired mayon

Michael got engaged. And he then went on holiday. It doesn't get mentioned in the podcast, but it is why we're on Episode 5 and not 6. But don't worry, once that sweet, sweet podcast paper starts rolling in , we'll all be doing this full time and this sort of thing just won't happen. This week we cover off booze, reasons we don't like videogames and one man's apparent and most unfortunate misinterpretation of the word "benchpress". This week's episode is brought to you by the number Michael and the letter Tim. The anecdotal content comes mostly courtesy of the ethanol molecule.   EPISODE LINKS: Man with two chaps does AMAMan gets carried away with a benchCuster's Revenge is awfulYou can seduce the guy from the opening of FalloutDavid Cameron gets romantic with the KGBMan charged with burglary OF a habitation, dummyWhat a sontaran looks likeUrinal rules are importantWhat is banter?Dave Chapelle knows that white people be likeAsian people can't drink alcohol sometimesThe storyline to DestinyPetey-poos got

Wow, we spent a good twenty minutes debating nipples. I blame Tim. Join us this week as we discover a brand new emotion, when it is appropriate to use a pedestrian as a speed bump and contemplate the value of the human race. Oh, and nipples. Seriously.   This episode contains trace amounts of Michael and Tim and was prepared in a nut-free environment. EPISODE LINKS: Google Cardboard makes VR cheapYou can play you XBox on a virtual screen nowThe Emotiv headset has been making waves since 2010Unravel still exists and we can't shut up about itToy CommanderSega Bass Fishing actually started life in an arcade cabinetMaybe this guy can explain Crazy TaxiMetacritic says Jet Set Radio is a "Platformer"Space Channel 5 has its own wikiLearning to drive a Shenmue forkliftTeletubbies isn't greatChu Chu Rocket went online with Chu Chu, Kapu Kapus and all the rocketships you could ask forDreamcast had a modemPeople sing in online playTomorrow's World fired Carol Vorderman, so now the only clip of her is from an A

What. The. Heck. These podcasts just keep coming out and I don't know how to stop them. This week, we're taking a peek back at the primordial, early days of Constant Mic. This is one of our test episodes, recorded on Michael's sofa before we were even sure anyone other than the two of us would ever hear it. In this episode, we discuss a LOT of penises. Like at least four, I seem to remember - five if you count drawings of penises. We also find time to emerge from our conversational wang forest long enough to explain why you shouldn't always sue dedicated, productive and creative people who are clearly massive fans of your work. Also, we ask what a Kylie Jenner does and why Moira Stewart can lactate all she wants, but we're not watching. This episode features Michael and Michael.   EPISODE LINKS: That Pope Box Myth is from American Horror StoryHard Candy is a good filmMan injects himself with VaselineMan puts his chap in a vacuum cleanerNot a melon as well...Fallout 1&2 are on SteamOddworld got r

We recorded this after E3! So we talk about it! Join us this week as we discover why you should keep your trousers on while riding a scooter, how to know if you've killed somebody with a sword or not and why all spiders are from Bristol. On the podcast this week, we have Michael and Michael.   EPISODE LINKS:  Shenmue 3 Kickstarter Agatha is a Space Robot from the Future now Home Alone Trailer c. 1990 Urban Explorers talking about the Neverland Ranch on Vice Some things about Final Fantasy 7 will most likely change Unravel is a game So is Cuphead We use Audacity to edit our podcast right now because it's free and good Games for Windows Live eat savegames Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light is fun E3 Earthbound Remake trailer Mr Yu fell off his scooter and landed on his Guangdong You can say 'Trephining' or 'Trepanning' and there are even some first-class morons out there that still do it They're called Weepuls Woman stuck to door with superglue This is what the UK Goosebumps covers looked like Taran

They said it couldn't be done! Two podcasts in such quick succession it's impossible to not be nominally engorged by their celeritous materialisation. In this week's hour of gratuitous swearing, Michael accidentally stops recording halfway through the weekly peen, meaning it has been edited from living memory. Then! Marvel as Michael accidentally puts his laptop to sleep, prematurely ending the podcast. Finally, stare soulessly in a slack-jawed stupor as he subsequently fails to save the extra fifteen minutes of material we recorded to make up time, meaning we end on his panicked protestations as his laptop shuts down! EPISODE LINKS: Castle Crashers Forest Entrance Music Mr. Blobby's UK #1 Chart-Topping Single Mr. Blobby's Videogame Jim'll Paint It - free MSPaint artwork by commission! The Deluxe Megazord toy is still on sale on Amazon for $500 The McCollough Effect video we watched Brazilian man caught having sex with lovely car Lady gets investigated by Social Services for selling breast milk Man sues Starb

Hello world. In this, the historic and first ever episode of the monolithic Constant Mic Podcast, a name is considered and thankfully replaced for the whole endeavour and we are introduced to Michael's least favourite type of story. EPISODE LINKS: Man injects himself with Vaseline to increase the size of his penis. Weirdly, it doesn't work. Man gets bitten by a crocodile. Michael's Weekly Peen story. Rather Good. Kazakh village suffers sleeping illness. Windows 10 will be free ... ish! You can put your Mum's ashes in a plastic willy. See you in two weeks! (Probably one)