Pero Let Me Tell You

As promised, here’s our conversation composed entirely of Britney lyrics….with a few other comemierderias tossed in for good measure….you can only imagine what other treasures exist in our “lost tapes” recordings… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gracias to everyone on the show and our listeners…every drinking game needs ground rules…we can’t recommend Brightline enough…#PTD, catch it…Ricky Martin & tank top encounters…talkin’ World Cup…the European version of our podcast would totally have accents …Caribbeans aren’t good footballers…US wants no part of soccer or Robbie Williams…rugby v football…one word makes all the legal difference…most border crossers aren’t Mexicans…we’re so against Neo-nazis we don’t even use white crayons…get out and vote, mi gente…memes aren’t educational…Miss Vanjie…maybe JLo’s “Feeling So Good” is about masturbation…is talking about Demi’s relapse while doing shots inappropriate…apparently we sing Britney when buzzed….finally we duet with Bea Arthur… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Croquetas are French…DJ’s parents are from a no-horse town…possibly our most Miami episode ever…Valsan, los que vienen no se van…businesses can start from a total accident…we’re all just kids of immigrants looking to make our parents proud…build on the shoulders but stand on your own…don’t all 4 year olds watch Caso Cerrado…fufu vs mofongo…fruit can be weaponized in a pinch…the great canker outbreak of the early 2000s…during avocado & mango seasons, your co-workers turn into Oprah, “YOU GET A MANGO! YOU GET A MANGO!”…we all hate when the girl at the front is comiendo mierda…Xqume Miami…Spanglish really is sort of like breathing…that damn chusma rearing its head…Alvarez Guedes, gone but not forgotten…the parting of the viejo’s balls…croqueta cake is proof of heaven... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

sometimes it's ok to grab your friends junk...mira que North Korea has pretty bad haircuts...Rocket Man lands in Singapore...fool your parents into thinking you're a gymnast...hellish lesbians have the best cure for muscle pain...second hand couture can sometimes lead to a drag career...the brighter the wig, the better the lip synch...reboots are great so long as they're camptacular...models are people too, carajo Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Supreme Court meets Cake Wars...it's Pride month y'all...mira, at the end of the day just get a Publix cake...Amigos for Kids...There's NO excuse for Child Abuse...just because it's cultural doesn't make it right...Broken Crayons...educate yourself on the signs...phew, we don't actually have to play dominoes...some people need their last soda spiked with rum...will DJ laugh at ALL Ish's last sodas...For more information about Amigos For Kids and spotting the signs of child abuse, please visit: www.amigosforkids.org or http://brokencrayons.usAnd if you'd like to attend the Miami Celebrity Domino Night fundraiser, please visit: https://tickets.completeticketsolutions.com/AFK/Online/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cold opens are the best…welcome back Betty la Fea…Roseanne just can’t help herself…nobody cares about 17…the ever dropping Nielsen ratings…Twitter tirades never end well…nobody badmouth Jasmine Guy...Ish enjoys living in the area of delightful inappropriateness…disagreement shouldn’t always equal division…anybody know a Jennifer Aniston leading movie that actually made money…the 14th amendment is crystal clear…the McRib is on the same cycle as Saturn…the eternally happy country of Disney…next season on the NFL everyone just crabwalk …Pia Zadora is totally a Jedi…ticks to the stars always wear shades…sometimes high school feelings are a good thing…get Pete Fernandez books NOW…it’s a good time for cults…when you get Miami right, people notice…know your craft, live your craft… Archie characters really are timeless…take a lesson from Thalia on promoting…Also, don’t forget to visit our sponsor, Oh Chcolat, on Instagram and use promo code PERO for 10% off your order! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more

Viernes Culturales, the last Friday of the month on SW 8th Street…walking tours, educational and cardiovascular…16 at the country club…racist lawyers are like Beetlejuice…Manhattan’s not an island country…only JLo could get a fur with $10…Guatemala is not Mexico…what to get the royal couple from their registry….maybe we ARE related…that one magic hour in London…never drink the Thames water unless you want to be REALLY well rested…what would R Kelly Kidz Bop sound like…you try stealing Madonna’s spotlight, she will cut a bitch…the great Cuban migration to Westchester, no not that one…Miami history popping up soon…dammit we missed Kathie Lee and Hoda…we miss you Coral Gables gallery walk…welcome back Velvet Crème donuts…its important to get teens into art…also, keep those senior citizens mentally active with art…café con arte sounds like a great combo…umbrellas of little Havana…apparently Andy Garcia likes buying expensive coconuts…sweet …audio problems or stroke…llama by drone…Also, don’t forget to visit our s

It’s our 15s, tiaras and tulle for everyone…we gladly welcome abuelitas …as we lose Toys R Us, remember Playworld…retail jobs lead to misery…maybe trucks’ souls can be stolen…frita vs fritanga…tourists know nothing…George Motz’s Hamburger America…one stoplight town = great burger…cue the construction…maybe we’ve all eaten slug burgers…drive-thrus led to frozen patties…the incredible shrinking BK chicken sandwich…let’s all order the unofficial Burger Beast special at McDs…craving some Culvers frozen custard…can you count the times DJ says Burger Beast…orgasming at In/Out, there’s a joke in there somewhere…save Pincho Factory hot dog…stick to ice cream Dairy Queen…Croquetapalooza…Cuba had its Julia Child…check your IG daily, listeners…download the Burger Beast app kids & visit the Burger Museum starting June 1…stop staring at us Mayor McCheese …our first double last soda of the dessert… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Creed is just terrible…you can like Dave Matthews AND Jay-Z…it’s ok to take time off if a member of your band dies…we haven’t a clue who’s on our coin currency…the minute you pee on a minor, we don’t need a guilty verdict to think you’re probably not that great a person…there’s no room for Jell-O in jail…sophomoric humor, still funny…not guilty isn’t the same as innocent…and now Isa is podcast famous…still not over Aaliyah…nope, never seen one Woody Allen movie…could a one bedroom apt double as a sex dungeon…us briefly talking is a fallacy…we celebrate Cinco de Mayo for all the wrong reasons…crepes vs tortillas…on St Patrick’s day we time travel to Bennigan’s…cross dressing to fight in the Civil War…dammit Loretta, you picked the wrong side…when we say hooker, it’s with a smile and love…and then there’s Maude…que le falta decir a Kanye…don’t need liquor to slur…go Mariska…let’s all sing in unison… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our fave traveling husband and wife team, Us The Wanderers, join us this ep...apologies for forgetting Pia last ep…a viajar se ha dicho…as we’ve said, Cubans are everywhere…the Magenta wedding has a nice ring to it…who wouldn’t want to leave their life behind and travel…Tagalog is just Spanish’s primo hermano…lechon’s delicious in any language…so is McDonald’s…ants have no culinary limits…immigrant children struggling out of spite…Vietnam ain’t bad if you find an old lady…would you eat balut…sometimes rides from strangers are ok…breaking news to Hispanic parents always comes with drama…never know who has a quinces past…that moment you find out your friend was a model for quinces dresses…Dirty Dancing is probably still big in Cuba…when you can’t wear a hat, balance it…I’m sure some people All About Eve to be in a quinces court…Marti Martinez, maybe pay more attention to putting on the oxygen mask…thanks again to Us The Wanderers! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Did we record this ep in a cave…those were quite a few stupid favorite things…pretty sure there’s only one Carrie Underwood…Jesus take the ring tone…a bakers dozen is great…Magnolia Bakery is all about the banana pudding…hey Martha’s Bakery…Sarah Hyland Park…how could anyone NOT know about the Holocaust…learn about Chaplin, dammit…contemplating empathy or the lack thereof…fingertip info makes us all dumber…Gwen Stefani was right…seriously, there’s less echo in the Grand Canyon…when sadness gives way to comemierderia…Rhonda Shear is quite successful…learn to say gyro…so craving Oliver Garden…Claire’s in detention again…how many licks…how to even defend Perez Hilton…maybe beauty contestants shouldn’t answer questions…it’s fun watching left handed people write…when the biggest fan doesn’t know the details…perpetual road construction…baking on Porn Hub…maybe we’re spelunking with Emilio and Carlitos…oh no, we forgot Pia! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Flamingos are like rice-a-roni…bi-polar’s not funny, unless said with a Spanish accent…frankly we’re all a bit trastornado…the comments section is why we can’t have nice things…let’s all thank God for James Spears…of course the oldest Kennedy was in an asylum…look up Frances Farmer, kids…back to Marilin’s 15s for Jordan almonds… who wouldn’t go to a nightclub for hippos…aquanet and baby’s breath are primed for a comeback…maybe don’t trust your neighbor with your home makeover…Andy Cohen isn’t blamed enough…genuinely confused about malangas…immigrant hoarder syndrome is a unique type of genetic…empty cans of Export soda crackers were the original roly-kit…longing for the days of chorongos in ladies’ hair…clearly the Senate is as out of touch as you think …if I share my status on a hook-up app, am I giving you the right to info tap, absolutely not…the only thing better than Pia Zadora, is Pia Zadora with Cloris Leachman…but seriously, know your status kids…group movie date to watch The Burning Bed…salsa music,

Pffft, it sounds exactly like the morning song…tin or aluminum…Christmas in Memorial Day…the changing of the gourds…grilled candy canes…la cosa esta heavy hoy…are Kardashians descendants of Chtulu…racial profiling and shades of blue-grey…would the Borg profile…Flagler ain’t that bad…the Dodge Charger, now sponsored by Massengil…mira que Ish brings up NY a lot…we like stirring the pot, slowly…question all of it…the greatest debate of our time, Britney vs Cristina…eye rolls can sometimes be heard…how much effort is too much effort…everybody should do Instagram fashion shows…burning building, do you save Willa Ford or Hoku…assless chaps for all, even Pia Zadora…and as always, our last sodas of the desert Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This ep is so nice, we recorded it thrice…cold opens make us warm…maybe blind people can sculpt nice busts…when you’re the San Lazaro of animal air travel…Roseanne is back…does cutting edge dull over time…Hispanics are slight healthier co-dependents…we can’t be the only ones who remember It’s a Living…fake Marcia, Marcia, Marcia…being a special guest star can be a life goal…do you accept Judith Light as your savior…#axthepinktax…DJ’s luscious locks…let’s all take Dansk classes…Hispanics AND Latinos buy new cars…more Nicaraguans should travel by busload…sometimes it’s ok to be an asshole…Pia!Pia!Pia! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Buying lunch for March For Our Lives...maybe Marco Rubio only shows up to foam parties...Strom Thurman was a spry 62 year old preemie...Code Red just depresses us...the Bill of Rights isn't a la carte...dammit, girls can be violent too...there's always room for Pia...what kinda Cuban hasn't had a colada...Sirimba v Patatun...we go back to Marilyn's 15s...nobody reads the contract...maybe Blake Lively and Shelton ARE the same person...can you be AfroLatin but not black...amamos Amara la Negra...long live the queen (of salsa)...we quote way too much Que Pasa USA...plus an album and a store get our last sodas of the desert! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rick & Joe are tech pioneers…your Alexa might go kooky this ep…maybe Cubans do eat wild boar…we so miss international upfronts…bye bye Toys R Us…help us remember the Contra code…worst strip club ad ever…Mickey Mouse definitely ain’t cheap…fat shaming wasn’t a thing in the 80’s…duct tape doesn’t fix water heaters…my sister the internet shamer…maybe some facts have feelings…pretty sure Gina Torres makes an excellent yucca…and of course, #PiaonDWTS Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

just don't threaten Senator's kids...bully for you North Korea...Marco Rubio should go to more foam parties...show me the nation of Islam on a map...we cast Celebrity Big Brother 2...ideas are great, long as they're the same as yours...only took 6 eps to get to 9/11...so many carbs consumed for cheap fair entries...and Pia Zadora kinda, sorta knows who we are! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's hard being the Pentagon of Podcasts...don't send nudes, send croquetas, just not of bacalao...they always show Xanadu at Glitter camp...is ignorant yokel a dialect...LGBTLMNOP...maybe Spidey IS Jewish...Snapchat Gospels...I'm a baber, you're a baber...just say no to Papi at Marshalls...put on your hat for el baile del perrito...would you recognize the sound of a fax...Sizzler single-handedly saves 'Merica...our sodas go to people hard to put into our picture grid...and of course, Pia Zadora...this ep brought to you by CheapUndies, except they don't know it Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everybody's un primo...taking it One Day at a Time with Netflix...Piñata: strings vs un bate...more obscure, Pia Zadora or Glenn Scarpelli...are you a giraffe, llama or alpaca...Desi Arnaz: sitcom pioneer and the start of representation...disappointing Danish cookie tins...can grammar be fluid...basic bitches love socialism...labels, label, labels....and of course our last sodas of the desert! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

in the wake of the tragedy at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High we have a chat about the horrible event in our own backyard Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.