G4 Emotions

What are you supposed to do with the heaviness of step four? Those narratives are very “sticky” or wouldn’t be able to create the level of disruption that they do. They are also plausible; if they didn’t make so much sense in light of a trauma, then we would just shake them off and move on with our lives.The fifth step may not seem intuitive at first, but once you think about it, it should seem very logical. You need to take time to mourn the trauma you experienced and its impact. Now that you’ve begun the process of removing the destructive suffering messages, you can grieve the experience without the emotional contaminants that are so tempting (i.e., blaming yourself, being angry at God, isolating from safe people, or generally be cynical about life).Until we remove the destructive narratives that attached to our suffering from our experience of trauma our, sadness is perpetually interrupted by arguing against the things we fear our trauma means. We get stuck trying to solve theological riddles about God or

This is not the step in which you will answer, “Why did this happen to me?” But that is the question that drives us to make sense out of the defining experiences of our life, of which traumas are typically included. From the time we begin to annoy our parents with the incessant question “Why?” people seek to make meaning of and find order in life. Trauma crashes the narrative. Life no longer makes sense when something traumatic happens. If an event fit our existing narrative, it would have been “interesting,” “sad,” or “shocking” but not “traumatic.” By definition trauma, explodes our categories for living a life that seems to have coherence and direction.“Trauma can shatter an entire worldview in less time than it takes for the trauma to occur (p. 161).” Diane Langberg in On the Threshold of Hope In this chapter we will look at the unhealthy ways people commonly make sense of trauma. Do not feel guilty if the way you make sense of your trauma is false. An abused child should not feel guilty for believing the

Scars and casts, as painful as they are, come with advantages; they can be seen, they elicit sympathy, and they make our limitations understandable. Trauma does not afford us these luxuries. The impact of trauma is usually unseen, unknown, and therefore the limitations it creates are deemed “unacceptable.” It is not just “them” who are guilty of these reactions. We, those who have experienced the trauma, often do not understand its impact because we cannot see its injuries; so we are often harder on ourselves than anyone else. We long to forget. We wish it was “just in the past” so we are more motivated than anyone else to respond in this way.“Any treatment approach that is not predicated on a basic comprehension of the nature of trauma in what it does to human beings will be ineffective and possibly harmful (p. 45)… Too often the survivor is seen by herself and others as ‘nuts,’ ‘crazy,’ or ‘weird,’ unless her responses are understood within the context of trauma (p. 68).” Diane Langberg in Counseling S

There is nothing “fun” or enjoyable about this step. However, it is a good and needed part of the process. But do not allow these first two statements to cause you to think, “Alright then, let’s get it over with as quickly as possible.” That would be a mistake that could result in re-traumatizing yourself.“Though the single most common therapeutic error is avoidance of the traumatic material, probably the second most common error is premature or precipitate engagement in exploratory work, without sufficient attention to the task of establishing safety in securing a therapeutic alliance (p. 172)… Therapy always involves juggling the survivor’s need to face what has happened and her need to feel safe. To tell is to feel unsafe. To remain silent is to be stuck and alone (p. 164).” Diane Langberg in Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse Before engaging with the material in step two, please be sure you’ve firmly established the sense of safety that was the focus of step one. Significantly more so than any other sem

Thank you for the courage represented in your willingness to engage this material. After a trauma any act of recovery, which involves memory, can be very frightening. While you may not feel courageous, it is important to remember – courage is not the absence of fear, but facing your fears wisely. This material is designed to help you do that. “Often it is necessary… to reframe accepting help as an act of courage. Acknowledging the reality of one's condition and taking steps to change it become signs of strength, not weakness; initiative, not passivity. Taking action to foster recovery, far from granting victory to the abuser, empowers the survivor (p. 159).” Judith Hermann in Trauma and Recovery  For the moment, we will simply define trauma as an event that is more than we are prepared to handle at the time we experience it; resulting in prolonged emotional, relational, and spiritual disruption. This event might be exposure to war conditions, abuse, natural disasters, or comparable events. In the ne