Waifu Wars & The Five Minute Podcast

Sirancha issues a grave warning to tweens. Asterios gets dunked on by his shitposting niece. And HOW many turkeys were stolen this thanksgiving? http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Sirancha does the "Mayo Pete" dance. Asterios pitches his services to the Saudi Arabian government. And Wumpus gets a new attitude! http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Sirancha wonders if we're the a**holes. Asterios wonders if we're the a**holes. And you will wonder: ...are YOU the a**hole?   http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Sirancha drinks a gallon of water for water rights. Stuffin' destroys a flower pot. And Asterios finally learns how tampons work. At age 37. http://www.patreon.com/asterios   * * * 1st Lo-Fi track from Mimi-Yori! She also made the amazing Sirancha-mation: https://twitter.com/mahiyos/status/1182930292618645510 2nd Lo-FI track by the incredible Bagel Titan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIdRzx70dAY&feature=youtu.be

Sirancha returns from the war. And everyone agrees: she must never leave again. Welcome her back with the hashtag: #SiranchaDontGo http://www.patreon.com/asterios

WeezerFan 420 harnesses the power of anime. Napsy Lev gets way too high. And Lauz wins a lapdance at a Smash Bros tournament. http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Alec loves Pyrrah. Nostromo loves Lynn. And Sirancha loves when the episode ends so she can get these creepy manchildren out of her apartment. Get the video version & 3 years of bonus content for a single $2 pledge: http://www.patreon.com/asterios Thanks to JJ, Had & KashKash who did an incredible job editing this episode. You can follow KashKash here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFaQt04gPBxKc04Ndh84W4w

Replacement 'Rancha candidates are carefully chosen. Did we choose...YOU? Tune in & find out...   Also: we're having meetups this month! Come replace 'rancha LIVE: #1. Saturday, October 12th @ 1pm EST Parrot Palooza 2019 @ Bird Paradise 551 E. Route 130 South Burlington, NJ 08016 #2. Saturday, October 19th @ 1pm EST Corn Maze Cafe @ Cherry Crest Adventure Farm (yes, it's a cafe inside a corn maze) 150 Cherry Hill Rd, Ronks, PA 17572 #3. Saturday, October 26th @ 1pm EST International Replacement 'Rancha Day On discord (applicants, you'll get the link in your email soon)

Sirancha takes us to Charm School. Asterios obsesses over a face tattoo. And who killed Barbie's mom, who is also Barbie? * * * Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/asterios iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-loudest-podcast/id1382951937  Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6NPjuVErySvaCor8tvQwLa   * * * Send us crazy stuff: 8801 5th Ave PO Box 90700 Brooklyn, NY 11209-9997   * * *  Buy stuff through Amazon and we get paid for it here: https://www.amazon.com/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=asterios08-20

A very sexy doctor gives Asterios very bad news. Sirancha guesses what's in Jon Arbuckle's Marinara Sauce. And both play a dangerous meme-based workplace icebreaker... * * *  Support THE LOUDEST PODCAST! Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/asterios iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-loudest-podcast/id1382951937  Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6NPjuVErySvaCor8tvQwLa * * * Send us crazy stuff: 8801 5th Ave PO Box 90700 Brooklyn, NY 11209-9997 * * *  Buy stuff through Amazon and we get paid for it here: https://www.amazon.com/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=asterios08-20

Coming to you live from the Lutheran Friends Church in Detroit, Michigan. Taped August 26th, 2019.

Sirancha drinks a gallon of water for gay rights. Asterios nearly drowns on air. And both attend a "Sober" party in Deepest Brooklyn. http://www.patreon.com/asterios   * * * Send us crazy stuff: 8801 5th Ave PO Box 90700 Brooklyn, NY 11209-9997 * * *  Buy stuff through Amazon and we get paid for it here: https://www.amazon.com/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=asterios08-20

Sirancha tries GarfieldEATS. Asterios tries GarfieldEATS. And GarfieldEATS tries to kill us both. http://www.patreon.com/asterios * * * Send us crazy stuff: 8801 5th Ave PO Box 90700 Brooklyn, NY 11209-9997 * * *  Buy stuff through Amazon and we get paid for it here: https://www.amazon.com/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=asterios08-20

We're on tour this week, so enjoy this episode from our PATREON EXCLUSIVE D&D campaign, "The One Woman Party." To hear the next episode, give us your two bucks: http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Sirancha joins the war in Indonesia.  Asterios overcomplicates the search for her replacement.  And fuck you, Boingo. http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Sirancha spins tales from The Last Bronycon.   Asterios opens a gift from Dr. Emil Nutrition.   And we meet Micro, Macro & Hank: The World's Smollest Porgs.   http://www.patreon.com/asterios   * * *  Upcoming Tour Dates: Chicago 8/22 https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4218821 Detroit 8/23 https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4249482 Toronto 8/24 https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4212356 Montreal 8/25 https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4213617 * * * Send us crazy stuff: 8801 5th Ave PO Box 90700 Brooklyn, NY 11209-9997   * * *  Buy stuff through Amazon and we get paid for it here: https://www.amazon.com/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=asterios08-20

Sirancha and I were on the road all last week, so here's a special live show we taped back in June. I'm really proud of this one – it's my favorite show of the tour so far.

Asterios calls a drug dealer something offensively inoffensive. Sirancha spits fire about Forever 21. And fans of JoJo's Bizzare A#venture get a sneak peak at the new season. patreon.com/asterios

Asterios dreams of edible slimes. Sirancha rails against drive-thru boomers. And "Ranchsterios" is born. Then, quickly dies. http://www.patreon.com/asterios

For Sirancha's birthday, we play this week's episode by... ...Sirancha's rules. God help us all. http://www.patreon.com/asterios