Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, Research-based Parenting Ideas To Help Kids Thrive

The Problem with Time Outs: Why They Fail, and What to Do InsteadRecently, in Part 1 of this two-part mini-series, we began looking at a question from listener Melissa: "Can time-outs ever have a place in a respectful parenting approach?  (And if not, what else am I supposed to do when my kid looks me in the eye and does something he knows he’s not supposed to do?)" That episode looked at the academic research on the effectiveness of time-outs, what else might account for the research that finds them ‘effective,’ and whether time-outs might harm children even if the research says they don’t.Today’s episode builds on Part 1 by exploring why time outs often fail to address misbehavior effectively - and may harm parent-child relationships.Key points include:We often don’t understand the distinction between misbehavior and emotional distress: Researchers agree that we should use time-outs when children misbehave, but not when they’re emotionally distressed.  But what if we aren’t as good at te

Time Outs: Helpful or harmful? Here’s what the research saysPediatricians and researchers commonly recommend that parents use time outs when kids misbehave.  Time outs are promoted as an effective, evidence-based parenting strategy - although the real reason they’re so highly recommended is that they cause less damage to children than hitting.But if we’re already using respectful/gentle parenting strategies most of the time, could there be any benefit to adding time outs when our children don’t comply with more gentle methods?This episode delves into the research on:Which children and families researchers think time outs are effective for(it’s not the same group of children who are usually study participants!);The precise time out script that has been shown to be effective(and why it works);Whether time outs harm children or not(this is one of the biggest controversies in the Gentle Parenting world)If you’ve heard that time out is an effective strategy to gain children’s cooperation but weren’t sure whet

What Dog Trainers Know That You Don’t! Ever felt stuck figuring out how to respond to your child’s challenging behavior? What if the key lies in techniques used by master dog trainers? In this episode, we explore how strategies designed to nurture trust and communication with dogs can revolutionize the way we parent. From co-regulation to building a culture of consent, you’ll learn actionable steps to create a harmonious home environment.   What you’ll learn: Read dogs’ non-verbal cues to prevent bites - and how reading your child’s can prevent meltdowns. Never yell at dogs—and what they do to get cooperation instead. Calm anxious dogs—the same technique can reduce your child’s tantrums. Build trust and gain consent with dogs—which can also strengthen your relationship with your child. Stay calm under pressure—their strategies can help you navigate parenting stress as well.   This episode ties together the science of behavior with empathy to show that parenting doesn’t have to mean po

Expert strategies for baby's growth and development beyond Wonder Weeks   In Part 2 of our Wonder Weeks series, we’re exploring how to support your baby’s development once a Wonder Week has passed. Is there a predictable schedule to follow, or is your baby’s crying tied to something unique?   In this episode, we’ll dive into: ✨ What research says about crying and developmental stages. ✨ The cultural influences behind parenting decisions and baby care. ✨ Strategies to support your baby through challenging times, Wonder Week or not. ✨ Ways to handle stress and ensure both you and your baby thrive.   Whether your baby follows the Wonder Weeks timeline or forges their own path, this episode equips you with the insights and tools you need to nurture their growth.   Ready to start your parenting journey with confidence? Click below to explore Right From The Start and prepare for a smoother, more empowered first year with your baby!     Book mentioned in this episode: T

The Science of Why Babies Cry More and What Parents Need to Know You may have noticed that your baby sometimes seems calm and relaxed…and then goes through a ‘fussy’ phase, where they seem to cry no matter what you do.  Do these fussy phases happen on a predictable schedule?  Is it predictable for all babies…and for all parents? In this episode, we dive into the research behind the theory of the Wonder Weeks, as described in the books and app. This popular concept suggests that all babies experience predictable periods of fussiness in preparation for going through developmental ‘leaps,’ but the science behind it may be much more limited than you expect. We break down the available research, explain why babies might cry more at certain stages, and help parents understand the truth about these so-called Wonder Weeks.   What topics do we cover? How Wonder Weeks became a popular theory What actual research says about baby crying phases Ways to support your baby during fussy times, whether or not Won

How to Raise Kids and Live Our Values in Divisive Times Chances are, if you're thinking of listening to this podcast episode, the 2024 election didn't go the way you hoped it would. A lot of people are feeling scared right now. I've heard some people wanting to fight, while others want to hunker down. I've had both of those feelings myself over the last few weeks. I don't usually wade into current events. My brain needs time to process and digest and preferably take in a lot of peer-reviewed research before I can decide what I think. I tried to do something different in this episode: I did read a lot, but I only took notes and then spoke mostly extemporaneously. And now you've seen the length of this episode you'll know why I don't do that very often. In this episode we will help you answer questions like: How do our values shape political views and actions? How can we make sense of the way that liberals and conservatives prioritize different values? Is it possible that liberals ha

Learn How To Navigate Menopause While Raising KidsToday, we’re diving into a topic that many parents may face but rarely talk about openly: navigating menopause while raising young kids. If you’ve been wondering how to balance parenting with the changes menopause brings, this episode is for you. In our first interview on Menstrual Cycle Awareness, we explored how menstruation impacts our lives. Today, we’re thrilled to welcome back our wonderful guests, Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, for a second interview focusing on menopause. Alexandra Pope, Co-Founder of Red School and Co-Author of Wild Power and Wise Power, is a pioneer in menstruality education and awareness. With over 30 years of experience, Alexandra believes that each stage of the menstrual journey—from the first period to menopause and beyond—holds a unique power. Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, also Co-Founder of Red School and Co-Author of Wild Power and Wise Power, is a psychotherapist and menstrual cycle educator. She is passionate about

Understanding Emotions: Insights from Dr. Lisa Feldman BarrettIn our last conversation with Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett [Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1] a couple of weeks ago we looked at her theory of where emotions originate. This has important implications for things like:How our 'body budgets' affect our feelingsHow we make meaning from our feelings so our internal experience makes senseThat we don't always understand other people's feelings very well!The introduction to the theory plus the conversation plus the take-home messages would have made for an unwieldy episode, so I split it in half. Today we conclude the conversation with Dr. Barrett and I also offer some thoughts about things I think are really important from across the two episodes, including:What we can do with the information our feelings give usHow long we should support children in feeling their feelings (given that they don't always mean what we think they mean!) and when we should help them move onSome tools we c

Understanding Emotions: Insights from Dr. Lisa Feldman BarrettHave you ever wondered where our emotions come from?Do you think that if you look at a person’s face, you can have a pretty good idea of how they’re feeling?But at the same time, do your child’s feelings seem mysterious to you, like you can’t figure them out?Listener Akiko introduced me to Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's theory of where our emotions come from, and I found it fascinating. It presents compelling evidence that the ways we've thought about emotions up to now may be entirely wrong.We might think we can match a specific arrangement of facial features (like a scowl) with a particular emotion (like anger), but not everyone scowls when they're angry and people also scowl when they aren't angry.We tend to infer characteristics about our child from things like their tone, so we might hear a 'snarky' tone and think: "My child doesn't respect me," when actually they're feeling hurt because their need for consideration hasn't been met.And sometimes t

Learn ways how to overcome parenting triggersI know it can be really (really) difficult to bridge the gap between being the kind of parent we want to be, and the kind of parent we're able to be in the moments when our kids do things we find difficult.We might know that we want our kids to receive a message of unconditional love and acceptance, but when they do something like hitting their sibling and we respond: "Why would you DO that?!", or handle them roughly, or even spank them, that the message they are receiving may not be one of unconditional love and acceptance.Parent Jody joined the Parenting Membership and in the moments when he was able to stay regulated, the new tools helped him to navigate his kids' behavior more effectively. But when he got triggered by something like sibling hitting (because seeing a child get hit is triggering when you were hit as a child), then he would default back to what he called "autopilot parenting," and he would yell at his kids, shame them, and spank them - just like h

Understanding & Overcoming Mom RageThere are several books available on mom rage by now.  They tend to follow a predictable formula: a journalist interviews a bunch of parents and makes sweeping pronouncements about how anger-inducing it is to be a Mom, interspersed with anecdotes about terrible things they’ve said and done to their children.They usually end with a call for free childcare, universal parental leave, and more support for Moms’ mental health.  (Yes to all of those things, obviously.)There are far fewer books that try to make connections between our experiences and why it’s happening, and that actually make practical suggestions for concrete practices we can try to cope with our rage more effectively right now - along with a sense of hope that we could actually make these policy changes happen in our lifetimes.Minna Dubin’s book Mom Rage (which I found out about because our local Berkeley newspaper covered both of our books when they were published!) does all of those things.I read

Today's episode comes from listener who submitted an emotional voicemail on the Ask Jen a Question button on the Your Parenting Mojo homepage, which boils down to:Am I damaging my child?The messages you can leave are limited to two minutes in length, so we get just a taste of what the parent is struggling with: a difficult relationship with their neurodivergent son, because he triggers the parent and then the parent feels triggered again by the guilt and shame that some of the challenges the son is facing might be the parent's fault.In this episode I walk though neuropsychologist R. Douglas Fields' LIFEMORTS framework of rage triggers - because if we understand the kinds of things that trigger us, we can avoid some of those triggers entirely and then see the rest of them coming and resource ourselves before they arrive.I link these rage triggers with broader social issues that we may be carrying in the backs of our minds without even realizing it, and the energy it takes to constantly manage our thoughts abou

I know that when you start using new parenting tools, things don't always go according to plan. Your kids don't say what you think they will, or maybe you perceive that their behavior is just kind of crappy, or maybe your partner isn't on board with your ideas. In this episode I address what to do about all of these challenges, as well as how to use the tools I work with to address difficult topics like children wanting ever more snack foods, ever more screen time, and refusing to go to school. We hear from parents who have managed to address tricky challenges - including a child with a skin condition who must take a bath daily and who was successfully extending the dinner/running around/reading books process until bedtime was delayed as well. Once the child's parents came to see what needs the child was trying to meet, bath time suddenly wasn't a problem anymore. I share some realizations that parents have had about their place in the world as they've engaged with my work and how I plan to shift

Understanding Menstrual Cycle AwarenessThis episode was...unplanned. :-) A couple of months ago I interviewed Dr. Louise Newson on the topic of menopause. Dr. Newson is a medical doctor and focused very heavily on Hormone Replacement Therapy as a treatment that everyone who menstruates should at least consider, and I knew I wanted to do an episode with someone who doesn't hold that belief as well. I found Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer of The Red School, and really appreciated their book Wise Power. As I usually do before recording an interview I read their other co-authored book Wild Power, and I realized there was a 'missing' episode on the topic of Menstrual Cycle Awareness. We can't really talk about being aware of the changes that are happening to our bodies during menopause if we don't know what has happened to our bodies throughout our menstruating years. When I read Wild Power I felt a deep sense of sadness that I was just discovering this now, as my own years of menstruation wind

How to advocate for the schools our children deserveHow comfortable do you feel speaking up about something your child’s school needs?Have you noticed that some parents seem to feel more comfortable speaking up than others?Have you ever noticed that sometimes rules and policies in school don’t seem to be applied evenly to all students, while squeaky wheels who raise issues that concern them and their children tend to get addressed?If you have, and you’d like to understand more about what you’re seeing and know what to do about it, then this episode is for you.My guest for this episode is Allyson Criner Brown, an award-winning equity practitioner, trainer, and scholar who has worked at the intersections of pre-K-12 education, family, and community engagement, environmental justice, and local government.I also have a co-interviewer joining me, parent Cassie Gardener Manjikian, who asked for this episode after she noticed that the everyday actions she was seeing in her school weren’t matching up with the school’

Why Movement Matters More Than Exercise for Kids A few months ago my daughter had a routine checkup at the doctor, who asked how much screen time she gets in a day (which is more than typical recommendations but way less time than children spend sitting in school). The doctor told her (but really she told me): “You should get more exercise.” Carys isn’t a team sports kind of person.  She doesn’t love hiking, and she only really likes biking when friends are with us. Something about the ‘get more exercise’ advice didn’t sit quite right with me, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Then I found Katy Bowman’s work and suddenly it all made sense. Katy points out that movement and exercise are not the same thing. Even if we aren’t getting enough exercise, what we need far more than exercise is movement. In this episode, we discuss questions like: What, exactly, is movement? What does it mean for our children to move…and how about us? How do we get more of it when our

What your child is learning in school isn’t enoughThe things your child is learning in school are not the things that are most likely to lead to their success in the future. Who could have predicted the shifts we’ve seen since Chat GPT-3 was released to the public in November 2022? While AI still has its bugs, it won’t be long before these bugs are squashed. We’re going to be using more and more technology in our lives - and our children are going to need different skills to navigate it than we’ve used in our careers. The 56 foundational skills for future successA report from consulting firm McKinsey’s research arm described 56 foundational skills that will help people thrive in the future of work. Eleven of these skills are related to digital fluency and citizenship, software use and development, and understanding digital systems. The other 44 skills have nothing to do with digital knowledge or capabilities. These skills (and how to help your child learn them) are the topic

Thanks to those of you who completed the recent survey on how I can serve you better, some changes are coming to the YPM world!  While most respondents said they loved the length of the episodes because they appreciate how much detail we can get into in that time, a number of people said they had trouble finding the time to listen to longer episodes, as well as share them with others. Our long episodes aren’t going anywhere; I love being able to truly understand an issue and have deep conversations with experts. But I hear you that it can be hard to find an hour to listen! That’s why I’m going to start creating summary episodes. This first one summarizes the last two episodes on the topic of video games - both the conversation with @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin, and my narrated episode on what children learn from video games. You’ll get my take-home ideas from both episodes in less than 12 minutes! If you’re starting to see the deep learning that children are doing while they’re playing vi

How Video Games Shape Learning and Children’s Development Last week, parent Nicole and I talked with @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin about the challenges we can have when our kids love video games. I had also hoped to ask Ash a lot of questions about what children learn from video games but we completely ran out of time, so I spent a fun day reading 10 books on the topic at the University of New Mexico library (non-students can’t check out books!). I wanted to know a lot more about: Why do children find video games so attractive?  And can we use that information to make the transitions away from screen time easier - as well as support their off-screen learning? Even if video games don’t lead children to violence, are they picking up ideas that aren’t aligned with our values? What useful skills are our children learning from video games, and how is this different from school-based learning?Ready to transform how you support your child's curiosity?While we're all trying to figure out what's

Why Video Games Aren't as Harmful as You Think for KidsVideo games can be tough. Our kids enjoy them so much…but can’t tear their eyes away from them when time’s up without a meltdown. Some games, like Fortnite and Roblox, can be really violent, and aren’t our kids learning bad messages when they play? Plus even if they aren’t playing something violent, they aren’t really learning anything beneficial, right? In this episode with @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin and co-interviewer parent Nicole, we talk about common struggles parents have with kids who are playing games, including: How to address dysregulation at the end of screen time How to ‘scaffold’ the child’s ability to manage their own screen time The links between screen time and intrinsic motivation Why we can feel OK using screen time to give ourselves a break How to model appropriate screen time use in front of our childrenReady to transform how you support your child's curiosity? While we're all trying to figure out what'