Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, Research-based Parenting Ideas To Help Kids Thrive

"Wait, whaaaat?" (I can hear you thinking this now, as you're reading the title for this episode.) When I think of patriarchy, I usually think of a powerful guy in a suit. He's always white. He probably works in government or maybe high up in a corporation. He's part of The System, which is just The Way Things Are Done - and he's never going to listen to me. There's really not much I can do to impact this system. And patriarchy isn't good for any of us. It's not difficult to see how it represses women and any non-straight, white, hetero-presenting male. But the research base is also pretty clear that it harms men as well, by denying them the opportunity to express any emotion other than anger, which is linked to all kinds of both mental and physical health problems. But it turns out that a big part of perpetuating the patriarchal system is how women interact with men, as well as how we raise our children. And, suddenly, changing the patriarchal system becomes something that I can directly impact - and so c

Think about your parents. Now think about money. What kinds of ideas, images, and feelings come to mind? Do you recall any discussions about money - or were these hidden from you? Was there always enough to go around - or were you ever-conscious of its absence? What little incidents do you recall that ended up becoming defining 'money scripts' of your life? Perhaps it won't be a shock to learn that just as we learned how to raise children from our parents, we also learned how to think about money from them. And as we will raise our children the way we were raised unless we choose a different path, we will also pass on our ideas about money - unless we decide differently. Today we hear from Dr. Brad Klontz, co-author of the book https://www.amazon.com/Mind-over-Money-Overcoming-Disorders/dp/B008PHVA4U (Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health), who helps us to think through the money scripts we want to pass on to our children - and how to adjust course if we decid

Listeners have been asking me for an episode on supporting anxious children for a loooooong time, but I was really struggling to find anyone who didn't take a behaviorist-based approach (where behaviors are reinforced using the parent's attention (or stickers) or the withdrawal of the parent's attention or other 'privileges.'). Long-time listeners will see that these approaches don't really fit with how we usually view behavior on the show, which is an expression of a need - if you just focus on extinguishing 'undesirable' behavior, you haven't really done anything about the child's need and - even worse - you've sent a message to the child that they can't express their true feelings and needs to you. Listener Jamie sent me a link a book called https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Behaviors-Compassion-Understand-Behavioral/dp/1683731190 (Beyond Behaviors) written by today's guest, Dr. Mona Delahooke, and I immediately knew that Dr. Delahooke was the right person to guide us through this. Listener Jamie comes onto

Dr. Rose defines a Dark Horse as someone who uses a variety of unusual strategies like understanding their 'micromotives' and not worrying about their overall destination and to focus instead on more immediate goals to create a fulfilled life. In his book he focuses on the paths adults have followed to become Dark Horses, which is almost invariably one of either: Child is successful in school, attends an elite university, achieves financial stability, realizes they feel unfilled, and switches direction mid-life Child flounders in school and barely graduates or doesn't graduate; gets married and has children or works a series of low-level jobs before discovering their path   But I wondered: rather than following either of these (highly frustrating!) paths, could we instead support our children much earlier in life to discover how their passions can lead them toward a fulfilling life, rather than forcing them through a standardized system and then making them figure it out on their own later?

I’m taking a hiatus from the show; in this episode I explain why and what you can do to help make sure it comes back strong in 2020! Here’s the form to complete if you’re interested in learning more about the yet-to-be-named pilot membership to support children’s interest-led learning at home: https://forms.gle/GGKgdwaLkEfNfMA27 (https://forms.gle/GGKgdwaLkEfNfMA27) https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/facebook?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Ftakingabreak%2F&linkname=%5BTaking%20a%20Break%5D ()https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/twitter?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Ftakingabreak%2F&linkname=%5BTaking%20a%20Break%5D ()https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/pinterest?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Ftakingabreak%2F&linkname=%5BTaking%20a%20Break%5D ()https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/email?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Ftakingabreak%2F&linkname=%5BTaking%20a%20Break%5D ()

Do you ever feel ‘lost’ in your parenting?  Like you’ve read all the books (and even listened to the podcast episodes!) and you’ve agreed with them in principle, but somehow nothing ever seems to change? Your family feels directionless; you just muddle along having the same old fights with your partner about the same old things: Should you praise your child when they do what you ask, so they’ll do it again next time? Or punish them for disobeying you? Should you worry about (quality or quantity of) screen time? Does it matter if you and your partner have completely different parenting styles? In this episode I interviewed Kathryn, and discussed: The cultural differences between living in the U.K. and Canada (saying “please!” and certain differences in directness of humor) How to begin to approach differences in opinion about parenting with your spouse in a way that doesn’t get their back up, but instead focuses on your (and their) values The value of interacting with parents who are a little ahead

This is the third episode in our series on parental relationships – and the lack thereof…  We started with episode 35, which was called “All Joy and No Fun,” where we learned how children can be one of the greatest joys of a parent’s life – but that all the daily chores and struggles can get on top of us and make parenting – both in terms of our relationship with our child and our spouse – something that isn’t necessarily much fun in the moment.  And if you missed that episode you might want to go back and check it out, because I walked you through a research-based idea I’ve been using to increase the amount of fun I have while I’m hanging out with my daughter, who was a toddler when I recorded that episode. Then we took a turn for the worse in episode 36 and looked at the impact of divorce on children’s development, and we learned that it can have some negative impacts for some children, although the majority are pretty resilient and do make it through a divorce OK.  For the last episode in the long-d

I can hardly believe we made it to this point: the 100th episode of the Your Parenting Mojo podcast!  Join me for a special celebration of the show, featuring questions (from you!) and answers (from me!), clips of some of my favorite episodes, some fun at NPR interviewer Terry Gross’ expense, the occasional Monty Python reference, a story about how Carys got her name that you won’t want to miss, and a chance to win a free YEAR in the Finding Your Parenting Mojo membership which opens October 21… https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/facebook?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Fepisode100%2F&linkname=100%21 ()https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/twitter?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Fepisode100%2F&linkname=100%21 ()https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/pinterest?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Fepisode100%2F&linkname=100%21 ()https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/email?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Fepisode100%2F&linkname=100%21 ()

Is your child Highly Sensitive?  Does it sometimes feel as though you don’t understand them, and struggle to support them in the ways it seems they need to be supported?  Or does your child experience and process things more deeply than other children, but this is the first time you’re hearing about High Sensitivity? In this episode Dr. Michael Pluess helps us to understand how we can know whether our child is highly sensitive, and how to parent these children effectively so they can reach their full potential. https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/facebook?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Fhighlysensitive%2F&linkname=099%3A%20How%20to%20parent%20highly%20sensitive%20children ()https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/twitter?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Fhighlysensitive%2F&linkname=099%3A%20How%20to%20parent%20highly%20sensitive%20children ()https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/pinterest?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fyourparentingmojo.com%2Fhighlysensitive%2F&linkname=099%3A%20How%2

A few months ago a listener in my own home town reached out because a potentially incendiary device had been found on the elementary school property, and many parents were demanding disaster drill training in response.  The listener wanted to know whether there is any research on whether these drills are actually effective in preparing children for these situations, and whether it’s possible that they might actually cause psychological damage. In this episode we review the (scant) evidence available on drills themselves, and also take a broader look at the kinds of measures used in schools in the name of keeping our children safe – but which may actually have the opposite from intended effect. Read Full Transcript Jen: 01:21 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We have another serious topic to cover today and it's probably one that you don't want to listen to with children around. I received a question from listener Selena about 6 months ago saying that an incendiary d

Recently a listener posted a question in the https://www.facebook.com/groups/2174808219425589/ (Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group) asking about research related to children who are assigned to one gender at birth, but later realize that this assigned gender doesn’t match the gender they experience. Another listener recommended Dr. Diane Ehrensaft’s book The Gender-Creative Child, and we are fortunate that Dr. Ehrensaft quickly agreed to speak. Listener Elizabeth co-interviews with me as we learn how to truly listen to our children when they tell us about their gender, and what we can do to help them navigate a world full of people who may know very little about – and even fear – children whose gender does not conform to expectations. While we didn’t get a chance to discuss it (too many other topics to cover!), you might also be interested to learn about the https://www.theybyparenting.com/ (“They-by” movement), which advocates for allowing children to choose their

This is another of those topics I really wish I didn’t have to do. In this interview with Dr. Jennie Noll of Pennsylvania State University, we discuss the impacts that sexual abuse can have on a child (even many years after the event itself!), and we talk extensively about what parents can do to prevent abuse from happening in the first place. If you want to be sure to remember this info, there’s a FREE one-page cheat sheet of the 5 key steps parents can take to prevent sexual abuse available below. Five Key Things Parents Can Do to Prevent Sexual Abuse   [convertkit id="1016928"] Read Full Transcript Jen: 01:26 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We have a pretty serious topic to cover today and it's what I've been thinking about for a long time now. In 2016 the USA gymnastics sexual assault scandal broke and we learned that Dr. Larry Nassar had been sexually assaulting gymnast for years as he claimed to be providing them legitimate medical treatment. Now obviously there were fai

A couple of months ago, when I was interviewing listener https://yourparentingmojo.com/rosehoberman/ (Rose Hoberman for her Sharing Your Parenting Mojo episode), she casually mentioned after we got off air that her father in law – Dr. Benard Dreyer – is the immediate past president of the American Academy of Pediatrics, and would I like her to make a connection? I almost coughed up my water as I said yes, please, I very much would like her to make a connection if he would be interested in answering listener questions about the AAP’s policies and work.  Dr. Dreyer gamely agreed to chat, and in this wide-ranging conversation we cover the AAP’s stance on sleep practices, screen time, discipline, respect among physicians, and what happens when the organization reverses itself… Read Full Transcript Jen: 00:01:37 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Regular listeners might recall that I launched a new segment of the show a couple months back called Sharing

My guest on today’s episode in the Sharing Your Parenting Mojo series is Dovilė Šafranauskė, who joins us from Lithuania. Dovilė has discovered https://yourparentingmojo.com/whatisrie/ (respectful parenting) and her husband is on board, but many of the central tenets of RIE go very much against how children are raised in Lithuanian culture.  Dovilė wonders how she can work with her parents – who look after her children regularly – to help them feel more comfortable with RIE, as well as what to do with Aunty Mavis whom her toddler twins see a couple of times a year and who insists on a kiss as a greeting. And don’t forget that the Finding Your Parenting Mojo membership is currently accepting new members: https://yourparentingmojo.com/membership/ (Click here to learn more about the membership)   Dovilė is also a sensitive sleep coach with focus on following natural baby sleep paterns, advocating for gentle sleep interventions and finding tairored solutions that fit best with the

Today’s episode pulls together a lot of threads from previous shows, and will also give you some really concrete new tools using what’s called Nonviolent Communication to support you in your parenting.  It’s not like these are concepts that we’ve never discussed before, but sometimes hearing them in a different framework can be the key to making them ‘click’ for you. Our guest Christine King has been teaching these techniques to college students, teachers, and parents for over 17 years.   And I’m releasing this particular interview today because these tools are ones we’re learning how to use in the free online workshop.  In the workshop we’re going to spend a couple of weeks learning why our children trigger us so much and how to stop being triggered, and how we can move beyond the power struggles we get caught up in with our children so we can have the kind of relationship with them where their true needs as people are respected and met – and so are ours.   https://yourparentingmojo.com/tamingy

Today we talk with listener Seanna Mallon about her struggles to be mindful when responding to her two spirited young sons (and I can confirm from direct experience that they are indeed spirited – we actually had to re-record the episode after we simply couldn’t continue the first interview due to her children’s continual interruptions!). I share some basic tools for staying calm in difficult moments; for a deeper dive on this topic, do join the Tame Your Triggers workshop! https://yourparentingmojo.com/tameyourtriggers/ (Click here to join the Tame Your Triggers workshop) Also, I wanted to let you know that the Finding Your Parenting Mojo membership (which hasn’t been open to new members since October 2018 and likely won’t reopen for at least six months) is now accepting new members!  If you love the ideas you hear about in the podcast but struggle to apply them in your real life with your real family, then this group is for you. We start by reducing the incidence of tantrum

This episode is part of a series on understanding the intersection of race, privilege, and parenting.  Click here to view all the items in this series.We’ve done a LOT of episodes specifically for White parents by now:White privilege in parenting: What it is and what to do about itWhite privilege in schoolsTalking with children about raceTeaching children about topics like slavery and the Civil Rights MovementDo I have privilege?In this episode we turn the tables: listener Dr. Elisa Celis joins me to interview Dr. Ciara Smalls Glover, whose work focuses on building the cultural strengths of youth of non-dominant cultures and their families.  We discuss the ways that culture is transferred to children through parenting, how parents of non-dominant cultures can teach their children about race and racism, and how to balance this with messages of racial pride.  Get notified when the Parenting Membership reopens in May 2025This isn't a course that you take once and forget, and things go ba

This episode began out of a query that I see repeated endlessly in online parenting groups: “My child has a really strong preference for me.  They get on great with the other parent (usually the father, in a heterosexual relationship) when I’m not around, but when I’m there it’s all “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”  This is destroying my partner; how can we get through this stage?” So that’s where I began the research on this question, and it led me down quite a rabbit hole – I’d never thought too much about whether mothers and fathers fulfill unique roles in a child’s development and while it isn’t necessarily as prescriptive as “the mother provides… and the father provides… ,” in many families these roles do occur and this helps to explain why children prefer one parent over another. (we also touch on how this plays out in families where both parents are of the same gender). My guest for this episode is Dr. Diana Coyl-Sh

Each time I think I’m done with this series on the intersection of race and parenting, another great topic pops up! Listener Ann reached out to me after she heard the beginning of the series to let me know about her own journey of learning about her white privilege. Ann and her husband were a ‘normal’ white couple who were vaguely aware of some of the things they could do to help others (Ann works at a nonprofit) and saw politics as an interesting hobby. Then they adopted a Black daughter and had a (surprise!) biological daughter within a few months, and Ann found that she needed to learn about her privilege – and quickly. She’s had to learn about things like the features of a ‘high quality’ daycare for both of her daughters, how to keep them safe, and we get some feedback from Dr. Renee Engeln about how to help Black girls to see and be confident in their beauty. Ann is openly not an expert on this topic, and does not speak for adoptive Black children, or even for all white adopting parents. But she finds he

This episode comes to us courtesy of my friend Jess, whose daughter has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and who is on a mission to make sure that as many parents as possible learn about it.  She says that every time she describes it to a parent they realize that they know someone who exhibits behavior that looks like SPD that warrants following up. I have to say that I was highly ambivalent about doing this episode, because I don’t usually deal with topics that result in medical diagnoses as I’m (obviously) not a doctor. But the more I looked into this the more I realized that helping parents to understand the mess of research on this topic is exactly the kind of thing that I usually do on this show, and that an episode on this topic could probably be useful to a number of you. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/28/magazine/the-mind-of-john-mcphee.html (And here’s the love letter to John McPhee that I mention in the episode) Read Full Transcript Hello and welcome to the Your Pare