Terrible Book Club

We take a brief reprieve this week from our slew of Patron requests to dive back into the deep, dark waters of Amazon Short Reads. Chris pulled Identity Switch: Becoming the Woman Who Gets What She Wants by April & Adrianna Mason from the depths because it appeared to be pulsing with Ho Tactics vibes. Beneath these initial vibes, though, Paris & Chris discover that this is actually a self-help book they can almost get behind. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: sexual assault and stereotypical western patriarchal gender roles

Our patron Lynn requested that we read Arabiolosis by Nathen Mazri, the man who brought the world GarfieldEATS. We were soon launched into an endless downward internet spiral of Garficcinos and rancid lasagna to discover what toxic amounts of privilege can unleash upon the world. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: gender and sexual politics in Saudi Arabia and HIV/AIDS.

We return to the wild land of bizarro fiction this week to discuss Drag Queen Dino Fighters by MP Johnson. This was requested by our patron Robin, who then provided us with the Amazon Kindle file when we let them know the book was out of print and unavailable through any used book sellers. Thank you, Robin! Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: animal violence, extraterrestrials, hunting, gore, sex, and general horror absurdity.

One of our anonymous patrons asked us to choose a light novel for their Patron's Choice episode this season, so we chose this because the title made us laugh. We, uh, got volume 7 instead of 1 because we thought the 7 was a 1. So what!? Strangely enough we read a different light novel a few episodes ago for a different patron and they happen to be from the same publisher. Can TBC survive another light novel so soon after the last one? Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode just has some descriptions of cartoon-level violence

Chris went on another deep dive into the “Short Reads” category on Amazon and found Dating & Crypto, a brand new self-help guide which promises to teach you how to use cryptocurrency to boost your dating game. Although we learned nothing useful about crypto or dating, we did learn that a side hustle making low-level e-books on Amazon for $9.99 might be worth pursuing. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of heteronormative dating stereotypes and the usual gendered weirdness that comes along with that.

We read All Our Wrong Todays by Elan Mastai for our Patron Lucek as our tribute to his patronage for 2022! He said, “I'm kinda requesting this one for my sanity. I read the reviews, went in hopeful, and then well. . . I'm now wondering if I read the same book. If I'm not remembering it wrong or psychotic. . . I'm sorry.” There's a lot to like about this book, but we fell out of love with it as the novel wore on. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of infidelity, sexual assault, and suicide.

We had so many friends and listeners contact us and ask us to read this that we squeezed it into the schedule for this year. You’re welcome. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of: American politics, racism, feminism, and all that could possibly entail. If you’re not interested in hearing American political discourse or discussions about race and gender, please choose another episode.

For this week's Patron's Choice episode, we read Interspecies Reviewers (Vol. 1): Ecstasy Days by Tetsuo Habara for our Patron Austin. He said that he, "decided to choose this glorious novel for [his] recommendation...since [he] has little chance to talk about [it] in polite company or for that matter, most impolite company." Reluctantly, we did have some positive things to say about this book. Still, we wouldn't recommend it unless you had...very particular needs. Content Warnings: We're reading porn today, people. In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: explicit sexual situations involving age play, basiliskgirls, birdgirls, catgirls, cuckoldry, elves, halflings who look like children (so here’s your pedophilia warning), and spirits; a moment of racism.

We take a break from Patron's Choice episodes this week to discuss HYDRATE RIGHT!: The Effective Way To Drink Water by Dr. Lesley Ike. Chris found this on a recent fateful dive into the “Short Reads” category on Amazon and, well...how could we pass this up?  Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes mildly gross body/medical talk.

This time, we read Hangman's Curse (The Veritas Project Vol. 1) by Frank Peretti as requested by our Patron, BeastWithTheLeast! They said that, “It’s probably the laughably worst YA novel I’ve ever read (or that I haven’t blissfully forgotten about)." Join us on this Christian Scooby Doo escapade and learn about spider mating! Who needs evolution or accurate science anyway? Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: Christianity/religion, death, hanging, poison, spiders, and suicide.

A YouTube user told us to check out a book about the afterlife, but Signs from Pets in the Afterlife was in the search results just below the intended book and, well...we couldn’t resist. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of pet death, grief, and mourning.

In this week's Patron's Choice episode, Paris & Chris discover how little they know about the former soviet union and how their American cultural upbringing did not prepare them to appreciate books that are heavily steeped in U.S.S.R. culture. Our Patron Anna actually mailed us this book and requested that we do an episode on it. It’s pretty incredible to get books mailed to us; thanks so much for your generosity and for being a TBC Patron, Anna! Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: antisemitic descriptions and existential/clone issues.

It's another episode of Terrible Antique Book Freaks! D & Ken from Antiques Freaks join us for the final Carnacki tale (for real this time - there are absolutely no more Carnacki stories written by Hodgson, so this is it!) We use Eye of Argon rules to read the entirety of The Hog, complete with backing music and sound effects by Chris.  Have your Carnacki bingo cards at the ready! Content Warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: BDSM, the occult, and sexual themes.

Way back in 2015, Twitter user @keylime3_14 suggested that we read Young God. After languishing in the recommendations pile for nearly 7 full years, we’re finally reading it! Paris and Chris have wildly different experiences with this book and today's discussion is more on the serious side. If you're looking for laughs, perhaps choose a different episode. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: Child endangerment, drug use, forced sex work, gore, murder, sexual assault, violence, and a general menagerie of the horrors of poverty.

For the first time on TBC, we had a Patron ask us to read their own work for the show. Boastgusters by Kye Byllesby is an intentionally absurd, bizarro satire steeped in internet/anime/video game subculture. It's a serialized novel with chapters released weekly each Thursday. You can find them on Wattpad or on Amazon.

A few months ago, Paris got a spam email at work from a training salesperson representing Becoming Your Best. He offered to send her a book for free and...he actually did! So, we decided to review Do What Matters Most by Rob & Steve Shallenberger for the show.

We're starting February off with a Double Feature! Today we tackle two pieces of book-like debris that Chris found in the bowels of an Amazon search, the criteria of which has been lost to time: Shannon’s Book of One Quote by Shannon Little Fastidious by Paul Richard Tasch  

Paris’s fiancé was on Reddit one day and saw a picture of one of those cars that's covered in bumper stickers and flyers. He decided to zoom in on the bumper stickers and found many that mentioned "Soul Esprit". A few Google searches later and we knew we had to read one of Mr. Esprit's books for the show. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes toxic levels of conspiracy theorism, religious dogma, and two brief moments of misogyny and racism.

Paris was on a walk in Minnesota last year and decided to look inside a Little Free Library on the road. Within it, she found Emblem: Unity, flipped it open to a random page, and knew the luck of Terriblo was with her that day. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussions around animal violence, parental abuse, bad mental health advice, and suicide.

A few months ago on a website far, far away... It is a dark time for the Terrible Book Club. Although 2021 is nearly over, Terriblo still pursues them through the far reaches of time and space. Evading the dreaded Christmas Cheer, our two intrepid readers - Paris and Chris - have hidden away in the icy enclave of New England. However, the evil lord Terriblo, obsessed with torturing the young readers, has dispatched thousands of terrible holiday books into the far reaches of bookstores and libraries…. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: general cartoon-levels of violence, mention of a massacre, and other evils associated with fascist empires.