Your Marriage Matters

Why get married? That is a question we have been asking our seriously dating and engaged couples for years. Their answers are as varied as there are colors in a sunset!  Some of those reasons are clearly well thought through while some give reason for pause. The good reasons do not guarantee success nor do the not so good reasons mean certain failure. That said, it pays to have a serious conversation or two or three or (you get where we are coming from) about the most important decision either of you will make in your adult lives.  So, in this episode we walk you through what we feel like are great reasons for getting married. It isn't an exhaustive list but it is a pretty good place to start.  We have also provided you with some tools for this conversation in the form of a brainstorming process we like to use often when we are wanting to go deeper in a conversation. You can use this process for a lot of different decisions you will need to make together. And, we have provided you with two of our PDF tools as

We have two awesome things to share with you this week!!! First, happy Valentine's Day!!! In this podcast we cover the 5 Love Languages and give you some ideas on how to use them to make Valentine's Day, or any day, very special this year! And then we share with you a new direction we are taking with the YOUR Marriage Matters podcast! We have a new focus we are so excited about so check it out and let us know what you think!  We appreciate all of your support and are so excited about the new book and the plans we have for you moving forward! Jim & Christie "Team Jacobus"

What's The One Thing You Can Do To Change the Trajectory of YOUR Marriage?  Well, when we started thinking about it we couldn't come up with just one ... we came up with four of them!!! Each of these in their own way can make a huge difference in your marriage. If you can, do it together even if you both choose a different one. If your spouse isn't on board then pick one and do it yourself! If either member of the relationship gets better then the marriage gets better! The four are simple but not necessarily easy. As a matter of fact they can be downright hard. But, they are worth your investment of time and energy. Here are the options: #1 - fix your stuff! A lot of the marriages we see are struggling because of childhood trauma/experiences that one or both partners bring into the marriage! Time to grow up, deal with it and put it in the rear view mirror so you can move forward and experience all of the joy and happiness you deserve!!! #2 - let's get physical! We aren't challenging anyone to be an olympic

"You Are Not Likely To Protect YOUR Marriage If You Don't Believe There Is Any Danger" Rick Reynolds - The Affair Recovery Center Last week we did our podcast on The 5 Early Warning Signs That Your Marriage Could Be In Trouble! A lot of the feedback was ... what can we do to get ahead of these early warning signs?!? This week we are going to give every 3 strategies, or 3 Great Ways To Invest In Your Marriage! While they are simple, they are by no means easy! Here you go ... Invest in YOUR Marriage by ... being a student of yourself! Be open and honest about who you are and who you are not and make the commitment to become the best version of yourself possible. Then be open and honest with your spouse about it and trust they will love you, just as you are, unconditionally! Invest in YOUR Marriage by ... becoming a student of your spouse! Know their Love Languages, know their Relational Needs (we have a podcast dedicated to this subject HERE!), know their personality styles, know what is on their Bucket List

YOUR Marriage, just like your health, has early warning signs when something isn't just right! Identifying what those signs are, looking to see if they are present in your marriage and then taking action to fix them can save you and your partner a whole lot of grief!!! 5 Early Warning Signs YOUR Marriage Could Be In Trouble!!! In this podcast we look at 5 specific warning signs we look for in the couples we work with. They are ... Losing our connection with each other! Avoiding spending time with each other! Not making our marriage a priority! Talking bad about our spouse, or marriage, to others! Not being intentional when it comes to investing in our marriage! When it comes to that last one we wanted to give you some simple and easy to use resources for investing in each other!!! From previous episodes: Take the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved by taking our "Relationship Needs Survey"! This is a real eye opener and will give you the keys to your mates heart! Click Here to access that epis

We are calling YOU out! But, we are calling ourselves out first!!! We are frustrated, mostly Jim is frustrated, by what we perceive as a lack of interest people have in investing in their marriages! That is until they get into a crisis situation. That has made itself real to us many, many times through the years. That is why we began this podcast in the first place ... to keep couples out of Christie's counseling room and Jim's Divorce Care class! Someone Is Getting Called Out! It Could Be You!!! It seems to us like people, you maybe, don't care!!! While the podcast gets solid numbers in the way of downloads it has very little engagement in the way of comments or feedback on any of our distribution channels like YouTube, Facebook, ITunes and the rest. So, we are doing 2 things ... Calling ourselves out to be more engaged ourselves and do a better job of providing resources and promoting the podcast. Calling you, our listeners, viewers, friends and family out to become more intentional in providing us your fe

To live the "life of your dreams" you are going to have to make some big decisions! You may also have to change direction sometimes ... even when the direction you are going is exciting and compelling!!! The question is how do you go about making these types of decisions and/or change direction? For a while now we have been using, and teaching, a process we came up with called I D E A! It goes like this ... Inspiration - you have a compelling idea. Discussion - you talk about it together and examine the pluses and the minuses with an open mind. Education - you learn as much as you can about the decision you want to make. Action - when the time comes (don't go too fast, or wait too long) you have to take action to make it happen! We Made A BIG Decision! Another Life Lesson "From the Road"!!! In this episode we walk you through our decision to become Park Hosts at Brazos Bend State Park near Houston, Texas! It was a bucket list item for the two of us yet there were a lot of things to consider. That said, we m

What is "travel day" like with Team Jacobus? What can we learn about marriage from how these two live out their full time RV'ing lifestyle? Travel Day With Team Jacobus! (Some "Lessons From the Road")   It turns out, in this raw and uncut podcast, that there is a tone we can learn about the power of living out a dream and a shared vision! We can also learn a lot about how a ton of stuff has to get done and their approach to a shared workload! Tune in and hear what "travel day" is like for Team Jacobus!

As we wrap up our "I Am Not the Enemy" series we look at what role do we play when it comes to dealing with conflict and struggles in a healthy and productive manner! In this podcast we will share with you 6 positive roles we each play in the lives of our spouse and in the life of our marriage! Each of these roles lead to us successfully navigating the inevitable rough spots every relationship will experience! Learning to embrace these strategies will not only help with problem solving but will absolutely lead to a marriage relationship each of you can count on! Knowing you can trust your mate during tough times is a huge win and a part of why God created marriage in the first place! We trust you will enjoy this episode. Let us know if we can help you and your marriage in any way ...

Challenges come at our relationship from one of two directions - outside forces of life just happening or inside the marriage where two imperfect people struggle with the give and take of growing up as a couple together! In this Your marriage Matters episode 140 we get A Professional Counselor's Wisdom for Dealing With Conflict! Christie has been a Licensed Professional Counselor, or LPC, for over a decade and currently serves clients via two online platforms ... Talkspace and BetterHelp! Her day begins and ends with helping individuals and couples deal with the inevitable conflict that comes with life. In this episode she shares with us her formulas for helping couples navigate the oft times difficult waters. We spend a good bit of our time discussing what to do when things seem impossible! So, grab a notebook and some paper because you will want to write some of this stuff down! Come on over to the Your Marriage Matters  Facebook Group for more great content and a community of like minded folks by Clicking

This week we continue the "I Am Not the Enemy" series with YMM 139 ... Two Great Problem Solving Strategies You Can Use TODAY! The are our two favorite , real world, techniques we use regularly when Team Jacobus is working our way through a difficulty or a when a not so clear decision needs to be made! Struggles are part of the deal! Disagreements are part of the deal! Even arguing, when done in a healthy way, are a part of any deeply committed relationship! How we handle these normal parts of a normal relationship makes all of the difference in the world. These two techniques can help you turn conflict resolution into a marital strength and give you confidence in yourself, and in your relationship! Enjoy ... and let us know if we can help in any way! Jim & Christie Jacobus

When asked what is our best marital advice we always answer the same ... "Fight Naked"! While taken literally it can be a very effective methodology ... after all, who wants to fight with a naked person! All kidding aside the NAKED part is an acronym for 5 great things to remember to keep our disagreements both civil and productive at the same time. The 5 steps look like this: N stands for "nothing up your sleeve" or no hidden agendas. A stands for "assume the best" which we went into in depth last week in podcast #137 ... Click Here for that episode! K stands for "keep things respectful"! I am not the enemy and deserve your respect even in a disagreement. E stands for "engage in creating a positive outcome" and be a serious problem solver looking for solutions. D stands for "decide on a plan of action" and move forward. Don't just leave problems hanging so that they pop up again and again! Does this acronym help us in working through the inevitable problems and conflicts we run into as a couple? You bet i

Problems, struggles and conflict are signs of a healthy relationship! Two imperfect people working to build a life together are bound to have struggles by the mere fact that: They are male and female Grew up in different households Have different personality styles Have different views on sex, money, household roles and responsibilities, parenting and a dozen other subjects All of this and more means there will be conflict! What matters is how we handle it!!! This entire month we will be following the theme of "I Am NOT the Enemy" (thanks Ben and Megan Coleman) and looking closely at effective strategies and mindsets for turning the inevitable differences we are going to have into a strength in our relationships! Knowing we have each other's back and that we will process struggles in a positive and healthy way builds confidence in ourselves and in each other!  It isn't easy but it is well worth it! Jim & Christie Jacobus 

What's up gang? A few weeks ago in our podcast YMM 133 we introduced you to the subject of Relational Needs in a relationship and provided the resources for everyone to take the Relational Needs survey! Click Here to access that podcast and the resources. This episode we introduce you to Matt and Julie Barnhill of Barnhill Counseling and Associates, our friends, mentors and co-laborers in building more vibrant, healthy marriages, who will take our understanding of the subject to an entirely new level! Did you know that there are needs that only God was intended to fulfill? Did you know that there are needs that only our spouse, and no one else, are intended to fulfill? And, did you know that we get into serious trouble when we get who fulfills what need mixed up? Imagine expecting our loved one to meet a need only God can meet? It happens all of the time and is a recipe for disaster!!! There are some amazing insights in this podcast that can change the nature of our relationships, for the good and forever! Pl

Hey gang ...  It is the Wednesday after!!! After Valentine's Day, our 35th anniversary and, the launch of our first book YOUR Marriage Matters - 52 Great Conversations To Build A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! What a wild and crazy week this has been already and it is only Wednesday. WOW! One of the things we got asked a lot on Valentine's Day is "what is the secret to staying married for 35 years"? We have been asked that question, or some version of it, a number of times through the years as we teach, counsel, coach and help folks like yourself work on making the most from their relationship!  As we looked back ourselves, there were 4 key things we felt like really made the difference for us. We share them in this podcast with you! They are: Commitment Keep Learning Work at intentionally being kind and loving Create a compelling shared vision for your life together So, watch the YouTube video (below) or download the podcast and take a listen. Know in the days, weeks, months and years ahead we will be spe

Valentine's Day Special Edition! 3 Simple Things You Can Do To Make Valentine's Day AMAZING This Year! Hey gang ... It is Valentine's Day week and we are so excited for so many reasons but three reasons really stand out! While we "should" be telling our spouses and loved ones how much they mean to us all year round, this week we really focus on saying I LOVE YOU! We have three easy and simple, but powerful, ways in this podcast for you to say it in a special way! This Valentine's Day marks our 35th wedding anniversary! Yep, we were married on this day in 1987 in a hot air balloon and we have to pinch ourselves sometimes to imagine how that could even be true! And to commemorate our anniversary ... our first book will launch that day! Yep, YOUR Marriage Matters ... 52 Great Conversations To Build A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage will hit the shelves in both digital and print formats. If you would like more info on how to get your copy Click Here! To access all of the content we discuss in the podcast about 

In this week's episode we are sharing the chapter from the book "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" and focusing on the conversation "What Makes YOU Feel Loved" in the chapter! What we can learn from this conversation and the Relational Needs Survey is this: We have 3 main Relational Needs that, when met, make us feel loved! Our 3 main Relational Needs are not likely the same as our spouse! Yet, we try to make them feel loved by giving them what makes us feel loved! Do you see where there might be a disconnect there? So this month we are going to spend all of our time gaining clarity around knowing what exactly makes us feel loved and all of the awesome experiences that come from that understanding. Here is what we encourage you to do to get the most from this study! Download the Relational Needs Survey by Clicking Here! Watch the video instructions for getting the most from the survey by Clicking Here! Download the "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" sample chapter from the book! Go to Conversation #2 in the "Let's T

YMM 132 ... Interview With Trevor and Catie Bird of Durango Harley Davidson Trevor, Catie, Millie and Reese Bird From minimum wage employees to owning Durango Harley Davidson Trevor and Catie Grace Bird are a great example of what happens when a couple creates a compelling "shared vision" and sticks to what they believe God has called them to! You are going to love their story complete with what they themselves refer to as "dark times"! Open, transparent and compelling these two are going to tell a story that is so encouraging to everyone that believes that their marriage is destined for something special! Here are just a few of the things you will hear in their story:

YMM 131 ... The Power of A "Shared Vision"! Welcome to YOUR Marriage Matters episode #131! In this podcast we are going to look at how we can level up our relationship by getting behind a compelling "vision" for our marriage that goes beyond just surviving! A "shared vision" can turn a bad marriage into a good one and a good one into a GREAT one! And, the benefits of finding a central driving force in your relationship go way beyond even thriving together! In this episode we will discuss: How our lives look normally ... including ours What a "shared vision" looks like What a next level shared vision looks like And, we are going to share a downloadable tool you can use to start the process of leveling up your relationship! We do want to get you started creating a shared dream together so we put together a "Bucket List Exercise" downloadable pdf to prompt your discussion with each other! You can download this exercise by Clicking Here!  Thank you for joining us for this episode. Click Here to watch the YouT

The Fundamentals for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! Hey gang ... Welcome to Your Marriage Matters episode 133 - The Fundamentals for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! Since we are doing a "restart" on the podcast, and new YouTube channel. we felt like it was important to go back to the fundamentals as a reset for everything we are going to be covering in the days and weeks ahead! The fundamentals we are going to be covering during this episode are simple but powerful! They are: Create a "shared vision" for creating a compelling life together! Master the critical skill of communicating effectively! Master the equally critical skill of being able to solve life's inevitable problems together! In this episode we discuss these from a bit of a 30,000ft view! In future episodes we will get into much more depth with very practical, real world skills anyone can learn! We do want to get you started creating a shared dream together so we put together a "Bucket List Exercise" downloadable pdf to