Mantalks Podcast: Purpose | Legacy | Relationships | Self Mastery | Business

Talking points: masculinity, culture, relationships What is it men are actually looking for? We know how media tends to define "masculinity", but what is it men are wanting to define? I sat down with MELD founder and fellow coach Owen Marcus to dig into some of this, because we've both found that what men really want and what mainstream narratives say they want are often two different things. Dig in, team. (00:00:00) - Why do you think “masculinity” gets so much attention in our culture? (00:05:44) - When are where do men feel most aligned, and why getting out of your head is important (00:12:07) - Where did mature masculinity go, and the balance of biology and culture  (00:19:25) - What happens when men miss moments of maturation (00:27:03) - The value of being able to share what you’re going through with others, and what gets in the way (00:33:27) - What is emotional physiology? (00:39:24) - Tools to get back into the body, and what about men who avoid the work for fear it’ll make things worse? Owen Marc

Talking points: business, mindset I've been asked this for a long time now, and finally decided to press the button. I don't work in this industry to show off lambos, cohibas, and designer suits. It's to help other men be what they know they're capable of being. So if you're someone who's teaching, coaching, or making something for men, listen in, because here's what I've learned. (00:00:00) - Intro, why I’m making this, and the problems to solve when working with men  (00:10:25) - What I’ve discovered works well. Number: get clear on the problem you’re solving (00:12:33) - Speak to men directly. Not ABOUT men  (00:15:08) - Use multiple platforms, but have one in the lead, and pay for training (00:21:04) - Leverage other people’s mastery and credibility by paying for partnership (00:25:55) - Give value every step of the way (00:29:47) - Develop a very deep level of competency (00:33:51) - Build really strong relationships (00:40:16) - Repetition, time, and consistency  *** Men, the next Men's Weekend is VE

Talking points: purpose, archetypes, trauma, perfectionism, abandonment This week, a shadow work session with an anonymous guest. If you've ever wondered what this kind of work is like, now's your chance to check it out. My guest today has already done some great work and has found drive and purpose, but something has kept him from taking action. As we work to find out what's going on, we learn about past events that laid a foundation of resistance. Note: there's some heavy stuff in here. You've been warned. This episode has also been edited for clarity and anonymity. (00:00:00) - Intro, what brought my guest in today, and the Guardian of the Threshold (00:07:09) - What's contributing to the overwhelm, and the guest's mother (00:14:30) - Going deeper and connecting with the somatic experience (00:21:57) - The connection between resistance and two events in the past (00:34:17) - We don't always need the full story in order to heal, and homework *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up m

Talking points: mindset, the shadow I've been fascinated by the power of a good question for as long as I can remember. These are five simple (but not easy) ones that have radically altered my life for the better. I still use them today when I'm feeling stuck or unsure in my health, business, and relationships. Listen in! (00:00:00) - Intro and the importance of good questions (00:04:00) - Your mind has a LOT of unconscious content, and it’s actually useful (00:06:43) - The benefit of framing questions as “sentence stems” (00:08:45) - “The one thing I don’t like people to know about me is…” (00:10:25) - “The one thing I could take action on that would make a difference is…” (00:12:58) - “Is this something I can influence, or is it out of my control?” (00:16:10) - “What really hard thing can I do that will make my life better?” (00:18:35) - “What am I missing by choosing to worry?” *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End

Talking points: relationships, authenticity, mindset How do you truly live life for yourself while navigating a relationship? What does it take to navigate what both of you want without creating resentment? How do you break free from what you're "supposed" to be—but remain authentic? These are all questions Lisa Bilyeu has had to answer in order to create an incredible life, and she's answered them powerfully. A privilege to sit down with her and dig into the intensity that can be modern relationships! Definitely going to be a part two! (00:00:00) - Intro and Lisa’s defining moment (00:07:25) - How Lisa held onto her authenticity and broke free from external validation (00:12:49) - Lisa’s take on modern relationships, and the nuances of what women want (00:27:19) - What women really want men to understand (00:37:55) - How Lisa and her husband navigate who leads in the relationship Lisa Bilyeu is cofounder of the billion-dollar company Quest Nutrition and cofounder and President of Impact Theory. She is the

Talking points: psychology, shame, mindset Trying so hard not to reference the bell ringing lady in Game of Thrones right now. Seriously though, a lot of us let shame run our lives. There are legitimate reasons why, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Listen in for how it starts, why it's so hard to clear, and ten (yes, ten!) thing you can do to break free. (00:00:00) - Intro and how to better define shame (00:03:30) - Why shame is so hard to get rid of: it’s natural, and its has a somatic component (00:08:16) - It also can reinforce trauma. Here’s how they get connected (00:13:52) - Shame as a source of safety (00:18:36) - Understanding the physical side of shame (00:23:21) - What does NOT help (00:25:51) - When to seek professional help (00:26:59) - Ten ways to move through shame. First one? Use curiosity to challenge it (00:30:32) - Mindfulness skills, reframing, and separating personhood from behaviour (00:35:00) - Putting the same in context, treating as a belief vs identity, and putting blame where

Talking points: masculinity, culture, mindset We've had a lot of new listeners recently, and this interview deserves a ton of attention. Jason's words and work are powerful examples of how important men's work can be. This is a re-release of one of my favorite interviews, one of the most impactful stories, and worth every minute. Dig in for thoughts on comprehensive masculinity, the dangers of "grindset", and so much more. (00:00:00) - Intro and Jason’s defining moment (00:07:45) - The video that got Jason global attention (00:13:22) - Defining “emotional incarceration” and its devastating effect on men (00:18:58) - Why do some men have such an aversion to rest and replenishment? (00:24:52) - How Jason got into martial arts, and how he uses it to support young men (00:33:54) - On the importance and teaching of defeat Jason Wilson is the founder and CEO of the Yunion (pronounced union), a non-profit youth development organization in Detroit Michigan. Since 2003, the Yunion has effectively reached more than

Talking points: attachment, relationships Got a LOT of requests for this one! Relationships between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment folks are actually quite common. They can also be extremely tough. Listen in for what they're like, why the patterns are hard to break, and how to move towards a secure, grounded partnership. (00:00:00) - Intro, what characterizes the anxious-avoidant dance, and why there’s no “villain” (00:04:08) - Why that dance is so strong (00:08:28) - Examples of the anxious-avoidant dynamic (00:12:58) - Can anxious-avoidant relationships actually work, how to know if it won’t, and how to END the dance (00:16:56) - The “protest and punishment” behaviors, and how to self-identify if you’re the anxious partner (00:21:23) - How to self-identify if you’re the avoidant one (00:27:05) - So what do you to? Tips for the anxious (00:33:05) - Tips for the avoidant (00:38:19) - What to do together *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practic

Talking points: relationships, culture, sex, security, family I'm lucky to be interviewing experts in all kinds of fields, but it is consistently enjoyable to dig deep into relationships. What keeps the spark, how couples navigate conflict, and how people can with together to create secure and thriving partnership. Trevor's been at it for a long while, and his gentle yet firm approach is something to be respected. If you're with someone, pull this up and have a listen! (00:00:00) - Intro, and what is the “secret formula” for a successful love life, and what causes good sex in a bad relationship? (00:07:42) - How do you move out of attracting insecure relationships?  (00:12:57) - What can a secure person or couple do to combat potential boredom with a relationship? How can security be sexy? (00:18:43) - The importance of spontaneity for relational satisfaction (00:21:54) - How do you support a partner through fears and insecurities around relationships deepening? (00:27:35) - Navigating criticism, because yo

Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one. Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously. (00:00:00) - Intro, and five traits to look for in the men you want for your group (00:07:58) - Where most guys go wrong: lack of leadership, clear roles, and overstructure (00:09:42) - The right amount of structure, and consequences of too much victimhood and not enough accountability (00:12:31) - What are some of the core ingredients of a powerful men’s group? Number 1: some like-mindedness (00:13:54) - A clear purpose, and clear rules of engagement (00:17:04) - A culture of calling one another forward, and strong moder

Talking points: culture, parenting, psychology, lying Parenting has never been easy, but our modern culture adds a few extra layers of challenge and questions. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately, as you might have found out), there's a mountain of info online. This week, I sat down with the brilliant Dr. Aliza Pressman to dig into what works, what doesn't, what parents are facing these days, and how to sift through it all. Lots of great info here for anyone who's got kids or who's thinking about it. Seriously. (00:00:00) - What kind of landscape are parents in now, and what do you think they’ll face in the future? (00:11:15) - How do parents prep their kids for the onslaught that is social media? (00:14:43) - Defining executive function, and how to build an environment that helps cultivate it (00:25:03) - How do you help your kid develop good impulse control? (00:32:09) - The early stages of development: what’s going on? (00:37:56) - On learning how to manage discomfort, create safety, and the importa

Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called "disorganized attachment", and I've worked with a ton of men who have it. So let's dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps. (00:00:00) - Intro and defining fearful-avoidant attachment, and how conflicting it can feel (00:08:20) - Where this attachment style starts, and what makes it different from anxious and avoidant (00:13:19) - What does fearful-avoidant look like in a relationship?  (00:15:38) - What builds a fearful-avoidant style? Neglect and/or inconsistency (00:23:33) - One of the most important (and unspoken) needs of a child (00:28:19) - Parentification, one of the most common causes of fearful-avoidant attachment  (00:33:37) - More on what

Talking points: purpose, initiation, adversity, grief, culture It isn't always easy to find a sense of purpose or meaning in life, never mind feeling initiated into maturity. In these chaotic times, it gets even harder. This is a special compilation episode featuring four masters of finding humanity, clarity, and meaning in life. Their combined efforts have helped legions of people get a better handle on life and all of its twists and turns. Two of them are people I revere as elders, and three work with men and purpose on a regular basis. Featuring ideas from... -Lion tracker, coach, and storyteller Boyd Varty: https://boydvarty.com/ -Depth psychologist Francis Weller: https://www.francisweller.net/ -Culture activist Stephen Jenkinson (unreleased material!): https://orphanwisdom.com/ -Writer, teacher, and coach Rainier Wylde: https://www.rainierwylde.com/ -Purpose guide Tim Corcoran: https://www.purposemountain.com/ (00:00:00) - Boyd Varty on the role initiation plays in a man’s life—and what happens witho

Talking points: psychology, mindset, self-talk This is one of THE things that blocks men from all kinds of growth and progress. An internal dialogue that is harsh, abusive, shaming, even cruel. Let's change that, shall we? If you or someone you know is constantly deprecating or talking negatively towards themselves, strongly encourage you to share this one. It's important. (00:00:00) - Intro, how prevalent a harsh inner critic is, and how nasty mine was (00:06:56)- Where does an inner critic come from, and how is it formed? (00:11:13) - Neglect and abandonment (00:15:52) - Trauma as an origin for a harsh inner critic (00:16:57) - “Dark motivation” and it’s useful but maladaptive power (00:23:15) - It damages your ability to appreciate or validate yourself (00:24:45) - What to do, what NOT to do, and questions you can use to find your inner critic’s origin (00:28:09) - Figure out what it wants (00:29:51) - Set some boundaries (00:31:34) - Repurpose the loyal soldier (00:34:31) - Build a relationship with t

Talking points: parenting, children, attachment, psychology You may have heard me mention Duey before. He co-facilitates the ManTalks Men's Weekends with me, and his work is absolutely incredible. I was thrilled to sit down with him last week, just before our sojourn to Texas. We dive into all things attachment. How children and adults experience it, when it starts forming, and how my own son has taught me some incredible lessons on it. Also, listen in for Thunderbutt. No, I'm not kidding. (00:00:00) - Intro and Duey’s take on why real elders don’t seek power (00:10:08) - How do we begin to truly understand our partner? (00:15:49) - On the importance of curiosity and not assuming you know someone—especially your partner (00:21:28) - What are the building blocks of really healthy attachment? (00:30:52) - Attachment is somatic, and how children are inherently, incredibly sensitive (00:45:27) - What “interrupts” attachment? Duey Freeman, MA, LPC is co-founder of the Gestalt Equine Institute of the Rockies, di

Talking points: mindset, psychology, the shadow If you've been following the show for a while, you'll know I'm a big Jung fan. You also don't have dive too deep into his work to find game-changing ideas of his. Here are 3 short yet sublime ideas of Jung's that you can reflect on—and maybe even execute on—pretty much right away. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:01:46) - “Who looks inside, dreams. Who looks outside, awakens.” (00:06:00) - “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” (00:10:12) - “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out

Talking points: AI, porn, relationships, conflict Yowza. So grateful for Matthia's thoughtful and nuanced ideas on everything from artificial intelligence to therapy-speak to anger and approaching relationships. We go from the esoteric to the practical and back again, so listen in team. This is a great one to share with a partner. (00:00:00) - Intro, Matthia’s adventures with AI, and how it's already shifting culture (00:16:42) - When AI does things TOO well (00:20:32 ) - How AI will impact intimate relationships and the porn industry (00:30:37) - What do AI and AI porn mean for the next generation, and how they’ll be impacted (00:35:17) - How technology always has unintended consequences (00:43:05) - Why does everyone seem like a narcissist according to online commentary? (00:50:40) - On villain/powerlessness dynamics, and mature anger, and how trauma therapy is like a software update (00:58:20) - How couples can end cycling or repeat conflicts (01:05:55) - Mathia’s non-negotiables for lasting intimacy an

Talking points: mindset, emotions, habits, burnout Ever get the feeling you...don't feel anything? Yeah, me too. This is something that affects just about everyone at some point in their lives, and it contributes to overuse of all kinds of coping mechanisms. Here's what numbing out is, where it comes from, and a five-step method on how to get out of it. (00:00:00) - Intro and the biggest misconceptions around numbing out (00:05:26)- Don’t see numbness as a villain, and some numbness “caveats” (00:09:29) - What causes us to numb out? How is it a learned response? (00:14:55) - What we need to know before we stop numbing out (00:17:22) - The first step: what are you using to numb out? (00:18:36) - Create a plan, and why you shouldn’t expect cold turkey to go well (00:21:42) - If you have trauma, there’s a caveat (00:23:32) - Numbness is itself an experience (00:25:17) - Use your breath to reconnect to your body. Here’s why (00:31:03) - Look for sensation (00:33:45) - Final step: letting the sensations have a

Talking points: stoicism, mindset, philosophy, parenting Brian proves that Stoicism is anything but unenthusiastic. We cover so much ground here, and Brian's passion and joy for what he does is inspiring. If you're looking for clearcut ideas on how to craft a self and a life that you're proud of, this is the episode to listen to—and share with your friends! (00:00:00) - Intro and Brian’s defining moment (00:06:50) - What is areté? (00:09:02) - Why has there been a resurgence of stoicism? (00:14:42) - Brian on how to parent when things are floundering, and how stoicism tackles fear and laziness (00:21:24) - How does Brain raise his own son in an increasingly chaotic world? (00:28:47) - What are some challenges young boys face today that are unequivocally different than before? (00:39:11) - How does someone use Stoic principles to build more discipline with things turning to punishment? (00:45:56) - “So…do I just have to go through the suck then?” (00:51:54) - The science of hope (01:00:27) - What is “targete

Talking points: coaching, therapy, masculinity, mental health Eyebrow-raising title aside, I know from personal experience it can be wildly difficult for coaches and therapists who work with men to make actual progress. But! There are clearcut reasons for this, and there are clearcut things you can do. So if you're a coach or therapist who wants a better experience for both you AND the guy in your chair, listen in. If you're not one of those, then use this as a guide to help you find a coach that's right for you! (00:00:00) - Intro (00:01:50)- Therapists tend to work with men the same way they’d word with women (00:04:00) - The major reasons coaches/therapists struggle to get results (00:09:42) - So how do you actually get results? And why rapport is so important (00:11:38) - Get him out of his head and into his body (00:16:05) - Develop the skills to truly be with his intensity (00:20:54) - Identify where he feels he lacks competency—and build a plan (00:22:50) - Learn to work with a man’s resistance, an