Professor Buzzkill: History 101

Cold War Berlin was a tense place, and certainly not the place to make an embarrassing gaffe in a major speech. So it’s a good thing that President Kennedy didn’t call himself a jam doughnut while speaking to a massive crowd in front of the Berlin Wall. Imagine the warning bells that would have gone off in Washington DC and Moscow if Cold Warriors suddenly thought, “oh no, we’re in a pastry war”!

Pity the poor Dutch, Buzzkillers!. They travelled all over the world and get almost no credit for it. Captain James Cook of England wasn’t the first European to discover Australia. Willem Janszoon was. Ever heard of him? I didn’t think so.

“The Great Train Robbery” (1903) was not the first feature film, despite what you learned in film studies class, Buzzkillers (or from some tiresome, drunken film-studies major at a boring film-studies party). The Aussies beat Hollywood to the punch. Find out how they did it!

June 15th is the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo, Buzzkillers. But was it such a big deal? Does it deserve the attention and praise it’s gotten? Join the Professor’s Pre-Dawn Raid to find out!

Robin Hood did not force King John to sign Magna Carta. Neither did King Arthur or Merlin, or Gandalf for that matter. Magna Carta (800 years old today) is a cluster-bomb of myths. The Professor defuses them and makes the world safe for democracy!

It’s a great and heart-warming story, Buzzkillers, but meek and modest Betsy Ross did not design or sew the first American flag. The story itself follows the classic myth pattern, a second-hand family tale that caught on with a receptive public. Listen up as some young American Buzzkillers help set the record straight.

Warner Bros Studios pumped out this myth, Buzzkillers, before production had even started on the movie. But Bogie had the part all along!

Did you struggle over long division, Buzzkillers? Did your math teacher try to console you by telling that Einstein was bad at math when he was young? Well, I hate to bust one of your cherished childhood stories, but it isn’t true. Einstein rocked the mathematics. Don’t use that excuse when you can’t balance your checkbook.

The weather report for the morning of October 29, 1929, the day of the famous Wall Street Crash, called for falling stockbrokers. Ruined businessmen were supposed to be flinging themselves out of their high office windows in despair. Alas, Buzzkillers, forecast didn’t prove true. Stay tuned right here for the update.

A Viking horned helmet would have been very impractical, and perhaps dangerous, in battle, Buzzkillers. There is only one depiction of a horned helmet in ancient Nordic art, and it was probably ceremonial. Horned helmets are most likely the invention of legendary opera composer Wagner’s costume designer in the 19th century.

Meek and mild Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on a segregated bus in 1950s Alabama because she was just tired after a long day at work. That’s mostly myth, and it obscures all the work that Mrs. Parks did, as well as over-simplifying the complicated politics of the civil rights movement. Join us as we interview Professor Jeanne Theoharis, author of The Rebellious Life of Mrs. Rosa Parks.

Kristollized Churchill Quotes. We point to a recent article in New York Magazine, exposing the bromance that Bill Kristol of Fox News has with the memory of Winston Churchill and the Munich Crisis of 1938. Get a life, Bill, and listen to Professor Buzzkill!