Friendless

Distress Tolerance Pt. 2: Self-Soothing & Radical AcceptanceThis week on a very special episode of Friendless, we're continuing our exploration of Distress Tolerance skills as the DBT mini-season hits the halfway mark!STOP and TIPP — last week's skills — are built for acute crisis moments. This episode is for the other kind of hard: the slow burn, the ongoing grief, the situations you can't fix right now and just have to live with anyway. Two major skills today: self-soothing and radical acceptance.Self-Soothing is about giving your nervous system what it needs to feel safer — not by fixing the thing, not by numbing out, but through sensory input that tells your body it's okay right now. James breaks down what this looks like across all five senses, shares what's in his self-soothing kit, and makes a case for building your own before you need it.Radical Acceptance is probably the hardest skill in DBT. It's also, in James's experience, the most transformative. This is the practice of accepting reality as i

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we're leaving the mindfulness skills behind and stepping into DBT's toolkit for emotional emergencies: the moments when you're at an eight or nine on the chaos scale, logic has stepped out of the building, and your nervous system is running the whole show. The only goal in those moments? Don't make things worse.In this episode, James breaks down two core Distress Tolerance skills:The STOP Skill — your emergency brake for when your thumb is hovering over "send," you can feel those words rising in your throat, and everything in your body is screaming do something. STOP interrupts the impulse-to-action pipeline just long enough to give you back a choice.The TIP Skills — a set of physical interventions (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Paired muscle relaxation) that work directly on your biology when you're too flooded to think your way through anything. Because sometimes you can't logic your way out of a crisis. You have to use your body.James

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, your pal and host of the show James Avramenko sits down with journalist, activist, podcaster, and author Garth Mullins — live at Book Warehouse on Main Street in Vancouver — for one of the most honest, wide-ranging conversations the show has ever had.Garth is the host of the Crackdown podcast and the author of Crackdown: Surviving and Resisting the War on Drugs (Penguin Random House), a memoir-meets-manifesto that traces his life as a drug user, activist, and community organiser through the ongoing overdose crisis. His book is one of those rare things: deeply personal and rigorously political at the same time.In this episode, they talk about shame — what it costs to carry it, and what it feels like when it finally lifts. They talk about grief as something we were always meant to share communally, and what it means to lose half your community to a crisis the government had the tools to prevent. They talk about necropolitics — the idea that governments don't ju

In this very special episode of Friendless, we're continuing the DBT micro-season diving into the how skills of mindfulness: non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively. If those sound like made-up DBT words, you're not wrong—but what they actually mean is surprisingly straightforward.Last episode covered the what skills (observe, describe, participate). This week is about how to practice them without turning mindfulness into another thing you're failing at. Because here's the thing: you can know all the skills, understand them intellectually, explain them to other people, and still completely fuck them up by making mindfulness a source of shame.The how skills are the guardrails that prevent exactly that.What You'll Learn: Nonjudgmentally: How to separate facts from interpretations—the difference between "I'm feeling tired" and "I'm lazy for feeling tired" One-mindfully: Why doing five things at once means doing five things poorly, and how to actually focus (spoiler: your mind will wander, that's fine)

in this very special episode of Friendless, we're kicking off the DBT micro-season with Mindfulness Part 1, and no — this is not the sit-cross-legged-and-think-about-nothing version. This is practical mindfulness. The kind that gives you an off-ramp when your brain is catastrophising about a blank document or a text that went unanswered.Today we're covering the three "What" skills: Observe, Describe, and Participate. These are the foundation everything else builds on. They're deceptively simple, which doesn't mean they're easy — but they're the tools that let you notice when you're time-traveling into worst-case scenarios and choose to come back to the present.What You'll LearnObserve — How to notice what's happening without trying to change it, fix it, or make it go away. Just acknowledging "my heart is racing" or "I'm having anxious thoughts" without layering judgment on top.Describe — How to put words to what you're observing. The difference between "I'm failing" and "I'm having the thought that I'm failin

In this very special episode of Friendless, your host James Avramenko finally launches the long-promised DBT mini-season. This introductory episode explores why Dialectical Behavior Therapy isn't just for people with BPD diagnoses—it's practical emotional scaffolding for anyone who's ever sent an unhinged text at 2am or catastrophized themselves out of sleep.James shares his own journey into DBT during one of the lowest points of his life, why he was skeptical at first, and the moment a simple acronym (STOP) prevented him from making things worse. This isn't about fixing yourself or becoming a better person—it's about working with the brain you have when everything feels like it's falling apart.What You'll Learn Why DBT isn't self-help BS: The difference between theories and tools The four DBT modules: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness Who DBT is actually for: Spoiler—you don't need a diagnosis to benefit What's coming: A roadmap for the 10-episode mini

This week on a very special episode of Friendless,  host James Avramenko welcomes acclaimed author Susin Nielsen for a live recording at Book Warehouse Vancouver.Susin's latest novel "Snap" tells the story of three unlikely friends brought together through an anger management program—and it all started with a real incident at a disastrous school visit 15 years ago. In this wide-ranging conversation, Susin and James explore the power of optimistic storytelling in dark times, the peculiar difficulty of making friends in Vancouver (despite everyone being "so outwardly cheery"), and why setting Canadian stories in "any town USA" drove Susin crazy enough to plant her work firmly in Vancouver's streets and neighbourhoods.They also dive into Susin's journey from craft services on Degrassi Junior High to writing on the show at age 22, creating positive work environments on Family Law, refusing publisher pressure to censor her work, and her recent experiments with meditation and church-going (for the community, n

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, I sit down with Dr. Greg Hammer—pediatric intensive care physician, recently retired Stanford professor, and author of A Mindful Teen—to talk about what we're actually doing to young people in 2025.We unpack the unique pressures facing today's teens: smartphones as double-edged swords, the performative perfection trap of social media, sextortion and AI-generated abuse, fentanyl-laced everything, gun violence as background noise, and the impossible college admissions race. You know, light stuff.But here's the thing—Dr. Hammer isn't here to just list problems. We dig into his GAIN method (Gratitude, Acceptance, Intention, Non-Judgment), a practical framework for building actual resilience without the therapy-speak bullshit. We talk about neuroplasticity, the negativity bias our brains are stuck with from evolutionary baggage, and why telling your kids to be grateful while you complain about traffic doesn't work.We also get real about recognizing depression vers

In this very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko delves into the complexities of friendship, sobriety, and mental health with his dear friend William Raphael Pacheco. Join them as they discuss the impact of family names, the challenges of quitting substances, and the journey toward self-acceptance. They share laughs, deep reflections, and valuable life insights on maintaining friendships and navigating queer spaces while staying sober.Follow Will on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/will.r.pacheco/Sign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!Follow Friendless on TikTokand on InstagramSupport the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastr

In this very special episode of 'Friendless,' recorded live at the Book Warehouse on Main Street, host welcomes guest Genki Ferguson, an author based in Vancouver. Genki shares insights on his writing career, experiences working at Book Warehouse, and studying at Emily Carr University. He talks about his debut novel 'Satellite Love' and his forthcoming book 'The Love An Abalone Feels For the Sea' set for 2027 release. The discussion dives deep into the timelines of publishing, the process of writing, and the importance of community for writers. Genki and James also touch on the impact of independent bookstores, online communities like Bookstagram and BookTok, and how different storytelling mediums influence their work. The conversation wraps up with reflections on the state of the publishing industry and the significance of organic connections and community in a writer's journey.You can find Genki Ferguson's debut novel Satellite Love at your local bookstore, and follow them on Instagram @genki_ferguson.Sign

In this very special episode of Friendless, join host James Avramenko in a look back on the year that was 2025. He reflects on the highs and lows of the past year. James opens up about his medical leave, mental health, and the complexities of dealing with burnout. He discusses guest highlights, including interviews with Dean Spade and Dust Kwaine, and shares his thoughts on the current state of friendship in culture. James also provides recommendations for books, movies, and music that defined his year and announces exciting new plans for 2026, including monthly live episodes with local authors. Tune in for an honest and insightful look back at 2025 and a glimpse into what's coming next.Sign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!Follow Friendless on TikTokand on InstagramSupport the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastrBooks Mentioned:Giovanni’s Room - James BaldwinMonsters: A Fan’s Dilemma - Claire DedererPenance - Eliza ClarkTen Bridges I’ve Burnt: A Memoir in Verse - Brontez Purne

In this very special episode of "Friendless," host James Avramenko sits down with dear friend and special guest Lee Smith for an honest, vulnerable conversation about connection, identity, and the unexpected magic of friendship. Together, they unpack the challenges of forging community in a remote world, the unique energy of in-person gatherings, and the exhilarating (and sometimes scary) experience of bringing all your people together.James and Lee discuss the power of vulnerability when inviting others into your life, what it means to support and witness friends through life transitions, and how personal growth can manifest in surprising ways. From reflections on midlife rediscovery and the shifting meaning of happiness, to playful confessions about Pokemon-themed parties, stickers, and the joys of childhood nostalgia, this episode explores how small gestures and authentic presence can deepen bonds.Listeners will also hear insights on reparenting practices, the importance of building and nurturing friendshi

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko welcomes back one of his best friends, Gavin Harper, for an honest, heartwarming, and hilarious catch-up. Together they dive deep into the complexities of names and identity, community building, and the tough but necessary process of personal growth after life implosions. Gavin shares candid reflections on leaving a difficult job, navigating tricky workplace relationships, and embracing accountability for past actions—all while finding new joy and authenticity through connection, especially among Vancouver’s vibrant queer, autistic, and wrestling-loving communities.The episode is packed with stories about rebuilding after hardship, the cathartic magic of local pro wrestling, and the powers of “quiet time” with friends. James and Gavin laugh about introversion, party timing misadventures, and why pro wrestling is better than Disneyland. They also tackle topics like embracing authentic selfhood, sobriety, and the challenges and triumphs of

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko sits down with one of Vancouver’s premier drag musicians and local icon, Dust Cwaine. From their first Instagram DM to this lively conversation, James and Dust dive into the realities of art, friendship, and finding connection in Vancouver’s often tough-to-crack creative scene.Dust opens up about their journey from writing profiles in BeatRoute Magazine to nine years in drag and making a name as a bold, genre-bending musician. Together, they unpack the intersections of drag, music, and legacy—why Dust made the leap from ephemeral lip-syncing to creating original music that lasts.Along the way, you’ll hear candid talk about building micro-communities, navigating friendship breakups, and what it really takes to be vulnerable—both onstage and off. Dust shares wisdom on mentorship, the tension and fun that drives their creative process, and why leaving little tangible gifts (like handwritten notes) for loved ones matters so much.Expect laughs

In this very special birthday episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko reflects on turning 38 and the internal tension he feels about birthdays. He discusses setting resolutions around his birthday instead of New Year's, focusing on self-kindness and building community. James shares insights on detaching self-worth from work, the importance of friends who challenge him, and the value of letting go of the desire for retribution. He also discusses moments of lost friendships and the quirks and wisdom gleaned from past connections. Looking forward, James expresses a desire for deeper connections, artistic satisfaction, and envisions a future where Friendless grows into a larger team effort.Sign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!Follow Friendless on TikTokand on InstagramSupport the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastr

In this very special episode, host James Avramenko welcomes Florence Ann Romano, author of 'Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy in Community in Every Stage of Life.' Florence Ann discusses the inspiration behind her book, sparked by the isolation felt during COVID-19. She emphasizes the importance of building a support system at any stage of life and addresses the common challenges faced in creating meaningful connections. Through personal anecdotes and insightful observations, The episode explores themes of loneliness, the fear of connection, the impact of social media, and the importance of authenticity and vulnerability. It also delves into the complexities of ending friendships and maintaining a healthy social ecosystem. Join us for an enlightening conversation on navigating the landscape of modern relationships.Check out Florence Ann Romano's Website HereAnd follow her on InstagramSign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!Follow Friendless on TikTokand on InstagramSupport the show, Buy Me A Coffee!

In this solo episode, James Avramenko returns from a short break to unpack a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, and cultural critiques. From creative burnout and refusing the algorithm grind, to the power (and misuse) of the word "capacity," this episode goes deep.James shares insights from nearly two years of sobriety and reflects on what showing up authentically really looks like—at Pride, in friendships, and on the mic. There’s also some spicy etymology, a meditation on complicated legacies, and a surprisingly emotional ode to professional wrestling.No easy answers, no purity tests—just nuance, honesty, and a little chaos.Topics Covered: Burnout and creative boundaries The pressure of constant content creation Rethinking the word “capacity” Sobriety and sober joy at Pride Why language matters (and how it can be weaponised) Wrestling, legacy, and Hulk Hogan’s complicated place in history Public shaming, surveillance culture, and online punishment Owning your part in collective problems—and how to move

On this very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko sits down with his longtime friend Tessa Irwin, an assistant director with a decade of experience in the Canadian film industry. Together, they dive into the highs and lows of working in film production—from the unique community and camaraderie behind the scenes to the unpredictable nature of freelance work. Tessa shares her journey from struggling to break into the Australian film scene to landing opportunities in Vancouver, and the realities of navigating feast-or-famine work cycles.They also discuss the evolving challenges and rewards of independent filmmaking, why so many creatives are gravitating towards YouTube and new media, and the real financial barriers to telling compelling stories on screen. Expect honest insights into the role of producers, the inner workings of film crews, and the sometimes comical chaos of working with animals and unpredictable set moments—including legal quirks around filming with lobsters!As always, the episode

In this very special episode of "Friendless," host James Avramenko sits down with the dynamic Nicole Thompson—psychotherapist, pleasure activist, and host of Modern Anarchy—for a wide-ranging conversation on the intersections of pleasure, relationships, and personal liberation.James and Nicole dive into the journey from purity culture (with some wild stories of abstinence-only sex ed), through Nicole’s awakening as a queer, relationship anarchist, all the way into the liberatory practices of pleasure, polyamory, and psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy. Listeners get a candid look at what it means to unlearn shame, identify desires, and step fully into personal power within relationships of all kinds.Key topics explored include: Breaking free from purity culture and reclaiming sexuality Tools for overcoming shame and practicing authentic, empowered communication Polyamory and relationship anarchy: defining boundaries, building community, and the importance of context and accountability in connection The rol

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko brings you a reflective episode from his bed, touching on various themes such as the June wrap-up, the struggle to balance awareness of current events, and sharing an idea to convert his National Novel Writing Month essays into monologues. He dives into his personal experiences and challenges, including feelings of isolation, dissatisfaction with his job, and the struggle to find time for creative endeavours. James also critiques the ubiquity of AI in the tech industry and its impacts on creativity and job markets. Later, he discusses philosophical matters about plants and anthropomorphized objects, and eventually signs off, mentioning upcoming essays and Pride Month plans.Sign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!Follow Friendless on TikTokand on InstagramSupport the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastr