Poorly Summarized

Mike discusses techniques for getting high on the cheap, inanimate object arousal, his recent family reunion, how he felt when he learned he had a son on the way, and whether Scaramucci is a great thing that happened to this country or the greatest thing to have ever happened to this country.

Trump empathizes about health insurance costs, a free wi-fi provider stipulates ridiculously onerous terms and conditions, Kate Upton’s good looks “prove” the divinity of Jesus, Walmart begins selling fruit punch pickles, and Louis Kahn builds a floating concert hall. Special Guest: Joshua Leigh Wolfe.

Donald Trump Jr. and Chipotle are on the ropes, R. Kelly starts a sex cult, Mike contemplates the origins of the universe, slime-filled eel truck overturns on U.S. 101 in Oregon, and Marta Minujín builds a replica of the Parthenon out of banned books. Special Guest: Adam Christopher.

Trump Jr.’s emails hint at light treason, a fox has been pissing on the bureau of meteorology’s rain gauge, Nazism is wrongly compared to Islam, fish are becoming transgender, and SFMOMA gets a chat bot. Special Guest: Matthew Van Dyke.

David Beckham is outed as a familial lip kisser, a religious group thinks silent reading parties are a sign of the Apocalypse, “our” ancestors “adopted” the country’s “culture”, Zillow sues McMansion Hell, and Blake Fall-Conroy builds a minimum wage machine. Special Guests: Benjamin R. Cohen, Liam O’Donnell, and Simon Tonev.

The New York Times catalogues all of Trump’s lies, a deluded “breatharian” couple claims to survive without food, Mark Whelan posts an All Lives Matter meme (some conditions apply), 7 percent of Americans think brown cows make chocolate milk, and Mexico City combats sexual violence on the metro with an artisanal “penis seat”. Special Guests: Sarah Rice and Susie Meister.

Facebook launches support for GIF comments, Justin encounters a greater pedant, the wall is getting solar panels, Mike playacts in a diner, The Activist Mommy encourages back-door emoji self-exploration, and Brett Foxwell animates the decomposition of wood.

Mike brings a baby to the movies, Trump’s cabinet members take turns praising their Dear Leader, Facebook users troll Roy Moore with the Pride reaction, The Joker can’t understand why school children are “allowed” to “curse like sailors”, umbilical cord art is a thing, Royal de Luxe builds gigantic marionettes. Special Guest: Jeff Mac.

Spicer defends ‘covfefe’ tweet, Portland burrito cart closes after owners are accused of cultural appropriation, Joshua Feuerstein is triggered by rainbow fries, Arizona man wears colander on head for driver’s license photo, and Mike contemplates getting an Everett Ruess tattoo. Special Guest: Adam Bates.

Richard Spencer has a rough time at the gym, Trump's alleged ties to Russia are compared and contrasted against Obama's purported ties to the Muslim Brotherhood, a demolition crew accidentally tears down the wrong building, Mike pushes his friend off a ledge, and Edoardo Tresoldi builds a pavillion out of wire. Special Guest: Cory Johnston.

Trump pays tribute to the Almighty Glowing Orb, real Finnish girls “ride” fake horses, David French bemoans the feminization of all things, Texas man sues his date for texting during a movie, spite houses annoy neighbors around the world, and an obedient missionary threatens to enforce the rules at knifepoint. Special Guest: Steve Blizin.

The Donald leaks ‘code word’ information to the Russians, unbalanced brits have an avocado mishap, conservatives defend confederate monuments, Ikea tote bags are put to myriad uses, Hamburg gets a new cultural center, and Justin’s account gets cloned. Special Guest: Kody Frederick.

Sean Spicer hides in the bushes, a Heineken beer ad goes viral, a ‘conservative’ meme offers anti-rape tips to victims, KFC publishes a romance novel, Chybik Kristof builds a plastic chair–clad showroom, and Mike manages his Tourette’s with this one weird trick. Special Guest: Teresa Sheffield.

Steve Bannon writes a musical, Mike’s buddies beat up Vanilla Ice, showing your butt in beautiful landscapes is now a thing, Al Gore's mansion lacks solar panels, someone in Virginia is shaving other people’s cats, and the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library has no windows. Special Guests: Benjamin R. Cohen and Simon Tonev.

Trump touts his progress made against his 100-day plan, a hopeful teen is 15 million tweets short of a lifetime supply of Wendy’s chicken nuggets, Brickl Bros. are hiring construction workers (‘snowflakes’ need not apply), bewildered beaver becomes accidental leader of 150 curious cows, a Japanese Pufferfish uses ‘art’ to attract a mate, and Marcel Duchamp signs a toilet. Special Guest: Dan Hill.

Oregon man dies peacefully after being lied to about Donald Trump's impeachment, Alabama Senate says church can start its own police force, John Burk shares his selfies and his regressive ideology, Facebook streams a murder, and Doug Wheeler builds a semi-anechoic chamber in a ‘hidden’ room at the Guggenheim. Special Guest: David the Producer.

Sean Spicer explores Godwin’s law, United Airlines unveils its new ‘Hunger Games’ fare class, a missing Oxford comma may cost Oakhurst Dairy $10M, Cleveland releases ‘asteroid field’ of 1.5M helium balloons, and a German computer repair technician pushes the boundaries of consent. Special Guest: Adam Christopher.

Mike experiences a zipper malfunction at a baptism, Phone Romeos in India look for love via wrong numbers, Pat Robertson resents at-will employment, Spiders could theoretically eat every human on Earth in one year, and David Neevel creates a Trump tweet-burning robot. Special Guest: Josh Wade.

Carrie recounts her various religious conversions, Paul Ryan has a healthcare Freudian slip, Facebook cracks down on fake news, male lawmakers contemplate women's health legislation, the Ten Commandments may be coming back to an Oklahoma courthouse, and Arinze Stanley draws insanely realistic portraits. Special Guest: Carrie Poppy.

Trump takes credit for Kaepernick's shaky employment situation, your beard (probably) doesn't contain poop after all, Palin shares a meme articulating the differences between liberals and conservatives, Josh Chubbs performs cut-rate circumcisions in his cabin in the woods, and Jennifer Bolande restores mountain vistas one billboard at a time. Special Guest: Matthew Van Dyke.