Agriculture

I hear the sound: Puh-puh-puh-BAM! Then, silence. Still, like a child that’s been caught in the act, before it starts again. Puh-puh-puh-rustle-rustle. “Helllloooo,” I yell down to the kitchen from my upstairs office, secretly hoping someone is just visiting. Bringing me a little surprise perhaps? Delivering a gift? Receiving no response, I go downstairs to investigate. Nothing. Puh-puh-puh! Rustle, rustle, CLANK! I race down again. Still nothing! A ghost? (At this point, I know I’m caught up in wishful thinking, but I’m holding out for alternatives to the plain reality.) In the shower, I pray nothing attacks while I’m naked and defenseless. And there it is, again, right outside the bathroom door! PUH-Puh-puh! It’s venturing up the stairs, outside the bathroom door, stops, and doubles back: puh-Puh-PUH! It’s heading into the kitchen! The footfalls are far too loud for a rat. I’m concerned it could be something considerably larger, even a raccoon–and they bite! I cautiously step into the l