Probing Ancient Aliens

Was ancient man capable of building massive megalithic structures like the Pyramids at Giza, Ollantaytambo in Peru, The Oracle Room on the island of Malta, the temples of Vijayanagara, or the pyramid city-scape of Teotihuacan with simple stone and metal tools? Steve and Joey don’t really know for sure, but our favorite Ancient Astronaut Theorists are giving it a very HARD “NO!” Extra Terrestrials must have been the only beings capable of stacking heavy rocks up and carving them out of quarries with fancy laser beams to keep early man...well...busy! So where are those magical cutting devices that assuredly an ancient race would have protected as a sacred artifact? Why didn’t they draw or document the building of their stone monuments with the help of these divine devices with god-like power? Tsouks, Childress, and Coppens deeeeeeeefinitely have the hard evidence to prove that Ancient Aliens provided Ancient Engineers with the tech they needed, and Steve & Joey are just in awe of how well they prove their point

Are magic rituals allowing us to communicate telepathically with aliens? Are crowns, scepters, and thrones technological artifacts that give kings and queens the power of the gods? Did ancient aliens really require blood sacrifices from the ancient Mayans? Are Extra Terrestrials using Quantum Entanglement technology with Native Americans? All these questions and more are...answered? On today’s episode by Tsoukalos, Childress, Martell and the rest of the gang! Steve and Joey probe deep on logic flaws galore: Noory once again knows the psychology of aliens; Tsouks says we cremate people to mimic ancient alien ships’ rocket fuel exhaust; and Childress...just kinda reiterates what 5 other people just said before him. Regardless, we hope you’ll ritually sacrifice an hour and ten minutes of your life to listen to all the jokes, strokes, sexy blokes, and more! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobe!!!

Did ancient South Americans sacrifice gold to the alien gods of the lost city of El Dorado? Does Roslynn Chapel hold the Holy Grail in one of its pillars among little green men? Did ancient aliens (by way of Atlantis) store all their knowledge of time and space on a mountain of gold under the Sphynx’s paw? Did ancient Egyptians actually own the famed Philosopher’s Stone and use it to create the most vast gold treasure hoard the ancient world had ever known? Tsoukalos, Childress, and newcomer Richard Henry seem to think so, with the latter believing that there’s pretty much a Stargate in every Egyptian building....ever! Come probe with us as we discover...well...just one lost city of gold, but really just visit some places that have gnarly artifacts in them, not necessarily gold.

Is Temple Mount, Jerusalem a landing zone for ancient UFO’s? Are the monolithic churches at Lalibela a former storage facility for the nuclear powered Ark of the Covenant? Does the Kaaba in Mecca actually hold a meteorite brought down by an archangel that’s actually a flesh and blood extra terrestrial? While none of these can be confirmed, we do know that all these places are...Koinda Scaaaaaary! I mean...Koinda Saaaaacred! Although they are koinda scary too, being that these are ancient POWER PLACES. Anyway, Steve and Joey probe DEEP into Season 3, Episode 3 of Ancient Aliens this week, which is chock full of classic logic flaws about ancient stone cuttng techniques; inconsistencies on how advanced a culture had to be to understand basic astronomy; and how all the Abrahamic religions are connected by one thing: Ancient. Fucking. Aliens. OF COURSE! Let’s PROOOOOOOOBE!

Do dragons exist? Did ancient extraterrestrials hybridize animals to make mythological creatures like the Chimera, the Hydra, the Kraken, and Cerberus? Is the Loch Ness Monster just one of many dinosaurs that survived the extinction event 65 million years ago? Tsoukalos, Childress, Noory, Redfern, and the rest of the ancient astronaut theorist crew sure think so - and Steve & and Joey are here to probe into their logic and proposed evidence, to see if there are any...leaps in logic, shall we say? Despite being about monsters, this episode is really about how our ancient alien researchers seem to have a deep understanding of super advanced alien psychology, assuming that they’re a lot like us and understand how these beings think...even though we don’t even know whether or not they exist. But hey! That’s the fun of Ancient Aliens isn’t it?! Let’s proooooooobe!

Aliens abducting cowboys? Ancient Indian Burial Grounds...full of Extra Terrestrials? Tsouks’ gorgeous brown velvet suit?! It’s all here in our discussion of the Season 3 premier of Ancient Aliens, where we’re wranglin’ warped logic and breakin' down Brigham Young and Joseph Smith’s celestial encounters. We also have the first appearance of series regular Nick Redfern, “the Bald Brit,” with his gorgeous gleaming head and killer ear piercing! So let’s get a little Transcendental and probe these cowpokes for all they’re worth! Yee-HAAAAAAW!

The season 2 finale of the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens is all about Alien Contacts with human beings, past and present...which is exactly what EVERY episode of Ancient Aliens is about! Nevertheless, Steve & Joey probe deep into the Rendlesham Forest incident with US Air Force officers; Moses and the Burning Bush; Joan of Arc and her contact with three “saints,”; the battle of Troy and its subsequent destruction; and the biggest question: are the aliens nudging humanity toward success, or engineering our destruction? We also delve into some Graham Hancock discussions, pondering if he’s the most “reasonable” of the Ancient Astronaut Theorists, as well as call out some pretty clear contradictions with Tsouks, Coppens, and the gang. Let’s probe!

The Great Flood. The End of the Mayan Calendar in 2012. The 2014 Tsunami in Indonesia. Could a bunch of dickhead aliens be trying to “cull the herd” by causing cataclysmic destruction at various times during humanity’s development? Or are they just trying to help us through these apocalyptic events and shepherd us through so-called “genetic bottlenecks?” Steve & Joey don’t really know...and we don’t think the Ancient Astronaut Theorists really do either, in this very wishy washy episode that seems to be born from the cutting room floor of the History Channel’s editors. ⅔ of the way through, the episode’s focus on “devastation” switches to...the genetic hybridization of humanity with Extra Terrestrial DNA? Welp, whatever! Let’s get probing!

Gobleki Tepei, Sacsayhuaman, The Carnac Stones...and even modern marvels like Florida’s Coral Castle: How the f*@! Did ancient humans build these JOY-ANT stone megoliths? How did they carve, move, and place 15 ton blocks, or move 350 ton boulders? I’m not saying it was Aliens...but it wasn’t aliens...at least in some cases. Steve and Joey do some major debunking in the eighth episode of Ancient Aliens second season, with plenty of Tsouks and Childress, and our...seemingly 17 billionth...return to GARNAAAAC and old Dave’s hapless helicopter pilot. Joking aside, not all mysteries can be solved with 10 minutes of Googling (although a lot can), and Gobekli Tepei remains a big mystery that almost doubles just how old we’ve believed “modern culture” truly is. Time to proooooooobe!

Angels, Genies, Demons, and other winged humanoids have been one of the most prevalent icons in religious history. Whether its the Hebrew/Christian guardian angel that helped St. Peter out of jail, or the free-willed Djinn that popped out of bottles and granted wishes as they pleased, these supernatural beings have been messengers - or meddlers - between man and the gods throughout human history. But what if they were simply advanced flesh and blood extraterrestrials...or inter-dimensional ULTRA-terrestrials?! Did warring alien factions pose as God, Satan, or other Fallen “Angels” because of a mutiny that primitive man wasn’t privy too? Did ancient man use “wings” as a pan-symbolic symbol meaning supernatural abilities and the power of flight? Does David Wilcock need to take a chill pill throughout this episode? Giorgio Tsoukalos would definitely say “...the answer is YES!!!” WARNING: This is a Childress-free episode...but worry not! Steve & Joey more than keep his spirit alive while commenting on all the Ang

Death Rays. Particle Beams. A magical lightning spear wielded by the Celtic god...Lou? Yep, Steve & Joey are boomin’ and blastin’ their way through some of the Ancient Astronaut Theorist’s biggest examples of advanced tech used in our ancient past. Were the walls of Jericho toppled by Ark-powered Acoustic weapons? Did the old timey Syracuse use a solar powered death ray to burn a whole fleet of naval invaders? And what of Acoustic Levitation building the great pyramids of Egypt and the Greek city of Mycenae? Could this acoustic anti-gravity tech have been what’s powered the flight of UFO’s for thousands of years?! To answer the question, our lovable guides Tsoukalos, Childress and crew get VERY excited about...rockets. Ancient rockets. Which are way more lame than anti-grav tech.

Adolf Hitler was the most notorious Ancient Astronaut Theorist to ever exist. His sociopathic search for power led him and his Nazi Party down occult and paranormal paths, on a very expensive quest for a technological edge over Europe, and the Allies. Steve and Joey march into battle against the former fuhrer’s obsessions with the Extra Terrestrial roots of the Aryan Race; the occult Vrill Society that just might have been using Hitler more than the other way around; the secret Time Traveling Bell project of which Adolf himself may have been unaware; the “German Roswell” crash in the Black Forest and the Nazi Mad Scientist Castle that inspired the Wolfenstein Videogames; and a little Ark of the Covenant, Spear of Destiny, and Holy Grail thrown in for good measure. And, in the end, the U.S.’s Operation Paperclip which shaped our modern technological society in the wake of Hitler’s antagonistic arms race.

Steve & Joey are going deep (literally!) with everyone’s favorite Ancient Astronaut Theorists this episode. They’re spelunking, and debunking subterranean wonders like the Derinkuyu “bunker”; the lairs of the Ant and Snake people in the American Southwest; the advanced “metallic library” within the Ecuadorian Cave of Tayos; the Mayan underworld of Xibalba (Bumpty-Bump!); and the Hollow Earth hole at the North Pole made popular by Jules Verne and his book: Journey to the Center of the Earth. Emotions are running high as Tsouks gets charged up and a little testy (not testes!) when comparing some elongated skulls, and the loveable Dave Childress is worried about the state of “Moind” of the early Turkish people who would choose to live underground where it’s…”Koinda Scaaaaaary!”

The lost city of Atlantis. The Yoniguni pyramid. Dwarka. Lake Titicaca. Earth’s oceans just might be hiding hundreds of ancient cities below the surface, swallowed by the sea as the Ice Age melted and water levels rose, enveloping the coast lines tens of thousands of years ago. Steve and Joey take a deep dive with the Ancient Astronaut theorists into these sub-aquatic discoveries in an episode with tons of great underwater footage and old-ass artifacts; plus, they break down the potential connection (or lack thereof) with The Bermuda Triangle and The Dragon’s Triangle, and get a little critical of one of the biggest recurring AAT tenants: that old statues of the gods are wearing pressurized spacesuits.

One of the tentpoles of Ancient Astronaut Theory is that those we believe to be “God” or “gods” are actually advanced extraterrestrial beings who’s technology was so advanced to ancient man, that they were perceived to be divine. Steve & Joey go on a spiritual journey while discussing season 2, episode 2 of Ancient Aliens, and ponder whether Zeus, Poseidon, Thor, Odin, Goliath, Hercules, Medusa, and more gods and demigods were actually aliens themselves, or even the product of alien/human breeding. The lost (or found?) city of Troy is uncovered, and David Hatcher Childress takes us on a tour of the Carnac Stones, Lovelock Cave and the “giants” found within, and we get the first appearance of series regulars Richard Rader and Father William J Fulco, PH.D; plus, we get a TON of Tsoukalos, the late great Philip Coppens, and of course, our number one: David Hatcher Childress and some KOIND of SKOY.

The Bermuda Triangle...the Zone of Silence...Lake Titicaca - All these places, and more, have either reported cases, or legendary claims of interdimensional gateways and wormholes used by the gods; as well as airplane disappearances, electromagnetic spikes, and the World Grid. But are electromagnetic anomalies enough to make these claims? Steve and Joey probe into the first standard length episode of the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens which is all about the strange energy that these mysterious places hold. Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity is put to the test by the Ancient Astronaut Theorists, and explained with (perhaps a little too much) confidence about its potential to create galactic shortcuts through which our extra terrestrial friends might have travelled.

Ancient Astronaut Theory posits that aliens have been influencing the growth of humans and Earth for millennia - but where are they? Will they ever come back to visit? Have they actually never left? Steve and Joey probe into the fifth episode of the inaugural season of Ancient Aliens - “The Return” - to dive deep into our researchers’ thoughts on The Battle of Los Angeles, Roswell’s cover-up, The British Ministry of Defense’ secret E.T. division, The increase in UFO sightings since World War II, Nazi use of alien technology, the recent influx in UFO sightings since the advent of the portable video camera, SETI, and the big question: if they do return, will they help us...or harm us?

(Apologies for the audio quality throughout this episode! We almost lost our entire recording before the break, and we could only recover the raw audio in parts, so it’s a bit inconsistent.). Alien Abductions and UFO sightings are one thing...but what about Close Encounters that changed the fate of humanity? Those could only be called: Closer Encounters. Steve & Joey probe deep into our plucky researchers’ commentaries and theories on Sodom and Gomorrah, the Atom Bomb, a DNA Ark for Noah and the animals, Chaco Canyon, Early American UFO sightings, Dark Age and Medieval otherworldy events, and the mysterious Oak Island

The Aliens’ mission on Earth is clear...or is it? Steve and Joey get a bit more skeptical on this highly speculative third episode of everyone’s favorite show about Ancient Astronaut Theory. They probe DEEP into Crop Circles, the Band of Holes, Crystal Skulls, Animal Mutilation, and lots of sexy animal/human/alien hybridization.

Steve and Joey are abducting and deconstructing the second episode of Ancient Aliens, which is all about the little green men themselves. From the Greys, to the Roswell crash, to Egypt’s Akhenaten, to the Sky People of the Dogon and Zuni, to Alien DNA hiding inside us...and even, to the idea that Extraterrestrials are simply time traveling humans from the future.